my mom is ruining my relationships?
i'm 20 years old and in college. my mom has been very controlling over my relationships and truthfully she has gotten kind of psycho. she will send my boyfriends threatening text messages and emails them on facebook. i talked to her about it and finally got her to stop, but it's really a big deal because she totally disregards my privacy and independence. although i live at home i think it's totally unfair for her to dictate to me who i can and cannot date. that's wrong. my ex boyfriend recently "graduated" from rehab. i know it seems like it's a bad idea, but we have discussed things over. he has told me that he is willing and able to handle a relationship. and he has shown signs of change. he has to get drug tested every 2 weeks anyway so he's staying clean. the thing is my mom hates him and will get really mad if she finds out we're dating again. i don't want to lie to her but i also think it's unfair for her to constantly judge me. i don't have a lot of friends because he was first and foremost my best friend and then we started dating. i really care about him and want to be with him. how should i handle this? I know people fresh out of rehab should not be in a relationship. He knows this too, but he's the one who intiated it. It wasn't me. And he's not dependent upon me nor will he become dependent on me because we already discussed these things. and I don't give my mom their phone numbers, she uses my phone and texts them pretending to be me. i'm not that stupid. i've already told her i am a grown woman and that i can handle it on my own. she doesn't listen. First of all Peggy, there's no need for you to call me selfish and immature. I am not being immature nor selfish. I talked to him and made sure he was emotionally ok with all of this. If anything you would understand that I'm the only good influence in his life. His friends are all drug addicts. Rehab suggests that you don't have any NEW relationships once you get out. I'm not new. I've been in his life for 6+ months. I'm actually helping him. Second of all, I do have a job and I do practically everything on my own. It is my decision to date who I want. And third of all I am focused on school, there's no need for you to call me out. I was pre-med and just switched to pre-law. I have a 3.6 gpa. I am pretty focused on school.
Singles & Dating - 7 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
kick her in the head
2 :
People fresh out of rehab should not be in any relationship for at least their first year of sobriety please don't jeopardize his progress by resuming your relationship sop soon! If you have feelings for him be his friend for now and nothing more until he is fully capable of maintaining his sobriety on his own, addicts can come to depend on people as much as they depended on their drug of choice and you don't want to be his next addiction! If you want to see other guys I would suggest you not give their phone numbers to your mother and tell her to butt out! If she can't see if maybe a couple of your friends could like to share an apartment with you? You need to tell your mother politely that you are a grown woman and capable of making your own decisions on life and if you can't do that under her roof you'll do it elsewhere. Good luck :)
3 :
In one ear and out the other. You're old enough to do what you want. It might take a while but in the end she'll see she can't win and eventually give up.
4 :
Will your mama do the same thing for all your BF, if not then she is protecting you only if not then there is something really wrong with your mama. In the first scenario, you should sit down with your mama and discuss it with you mama and Point out that you are grown up now but try to get why she do not like him because she can see the situation from out side (while you only think from your heart). The second scenario is the worst one, and if so try to stand up and take a position for your self (shrink)
5 :
I have a mum like that. So I moved out and don't talk to her anymore. Sounds harsh I know but that's not the full story. My life is so much better now.
6 :
Okay, you have to hide this from her then. Also, don't do anything which may risk the guy's progress. Since, he's just out of rehab, don't cause any emotional pain to him.
7 :
First of all, she has a reason for being concerned if they are all like this bf of yours. He needs to take rehab seriously. You are not doing him any favors by being with him. There is a serious reason for them saying that he needs time alone. that is for him to think about why he got so bad and what he wants for his future. As long as you are in the picture, he will not be focusing only on himself. That is what he needs to do to get himself back together. You are being selfish by agreeing to seeing him again. You could unintentionally ruin his life by hindering his recovery whether your realize it or not!!! Try not being so selfish and immature. Let him go. As for your mother, it is her house and she can do as she pleases if she pays the bills. You are 20, and can get a job and find yourself a place to live. I do not agree with what she is doing, but as long as she is paying your bills, she is going to be in your business. Maybe she is just trying to make sure you get a good education and do not get involved in anything that could cause you harm. That is what loving mothers do. If you were more mature, she would not have to be doing all of this to keep you focused on school.
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Saturday, December 28, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
I have so much hatred... what can I do to destroy it?
I have so much hatred... what can I do to destroy it?
It all started on August 12, 2009. My life circumstances have gone totally downhill and I have stored so much hatred against two people, the ones responsible for all my disgrace until this very second I'm writing. I had a good job in Northern Virginia. Good pay, my own apartment, good friends, and an overall stability. Though my job was never the best environment, this date I mentioned above, changed my life and up to now it has been all generally bad. I had a question on a job I was doing and I went to my supervisor. He took the time to ask me a question to test my knowledge and I could not provide the right answer. His mood went bad. He told me he was shocked and began to scold me for past works, that I was taking long and from there, it just went really bad. I did not have a good evaluation even after taking my free time to study and read and get up to speed because his question went more difficult and more difficult. In September, he gave me a job but never told what was the deadline, so I tried to do it the best I could, and it was my very first time doing such a job. The following day he came to me to ask me if I was finished, but I was just on my 20%. So I took the job home and tried to rush and kept working until 4:30am. I did not sleep much, and I delivered the job next day. Everything seemed ok. The next week one of my coworkers found a mistake and told him and he scolded me inside his office with the door shut criticizing my job. Next day he gave me a "technical" evaluation and he told almost two hours just to mention how bad I was doing. Then, a couple of weeks later, because I was going to have a new supervisor because this SOB went to another branch, he took my new supervisor for the final evaluation. He denigrated me in front of the other, passing the bad perception to him because though my personal relationship with the new supervisor was somehow better, he still gave me a bad evaluation later. I quickly noticed when discussing with him that he was simply afraid to give me a good evaluation because it would seem weird and could cause a bad perception on his boss in terms of inconsistency. But the thing that worsened the situation was this f@#$ SOB co-worker, he mocked me every way he could, in Facebook, in Evite Invitations, in e-mails, I was a fool to not have reported him I know, but this guy I am sure was the masterpiece author of all my disgraces there. He mocked a handicapped co-worker as well and was extremely troublesome with many people around- but he had 15 years of experience and so he delivered good jobs in short time, which is basically what matters to most companies. He went to some of my friends to talk about me and how bad I was doing, but they knew better and noticed he was a prick. Some of them ended infuriated with him because of personal problems with him (which I had nothing to do with). He even slammed a door to one of the female workers in the office. So, having made very good friends and liking the area (I still talk to them today), I made the sad decision to give up my independence and stability and had to resign, had to leave the area and now I am in Florida. Before leaving, the supervisor gave me fair evaluation and even a portrait. Weird, right? Here I am- living my parents, passing through very tough moments, have no money, no independence, bored, have applied to hundreds of jobs and it is now, almost one year later, that I have been contacted for interviews. It is now that I am feeling some sort of comfort but my first interview did not work, I believe I did well but they simply chose someone better; and now I am waiting for another interview, it was going to be yesterday but they had to postpone it to sometime in the future they don't still know. They said they were going to call me to set the new time, but I guess I have to wait. Nevertheless, there is a big situation in my family which is going to burst pretty soon and I will have to presence it. My friends there in Virginia keep having a lot of success (and I am happy with them!) while here I am, stuck, stagnant, fu@#$% depending on my parents like a fu@#$% kid, 28 years old I am supposed to have a home, independence, I have tried lots of jobs in my field and unrelated to my field but the freakin' economy is bad and I have no freakin' clue when I will have a job, and all of this is thanks to those two f@#$% SOB that I hate with all my heart! I am in the point I am cursing them everyday, my hatred against them is so, so strong, they have made my life miserable, I remember by good times as an independent man and thanks to with those f@#$%%'s I am here waiting for a big problem to burst in my family and having to be here when it happens (I have nothing to do with it), not be able to travel around because I have no money. I was raised a Christian and I never hated anyone, of course there have been incidents with some people, but these two are the ones that h
Religion & Spirituality - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Anger Management/Counseling
2 :
You will have to stop acting like a kid if you want to be not treated like one. I read this and i thought it was like a 15 year old or something
3 :
Go to your knees and pray that the Holy Spirit will calm your mind and give you peace. Spend more time studying the word of God in the Holy Bible and try to be obedient to God's will in all that you do. There will be no more room in your heart for hate.
4 :
Counseling... or marijuana
5 :
Well calm down. I know that you have hate in your heart but you -have- to let it go and you-have- to forgive them. You need to ask God for the strength to move on with your life and to forget about your past. It's done and over with, there is nothing you can do. You have to forgive those who wrong you if you want to be forgiven by God. So take it for what it is and let it go. Ask God to help you love these people. Pray for them everyday that they learn how to treat people better. Life is hard for a lot of people out there now, not just you. So be grateful that you even have a family to turn to in a time of need, and you aren't homeless! Have faith that God will take care of you and He will. Read the New Testament with an open heart. Be accepting of Jesus Christ and let go of all your anger and hate. Talk with God in prayer and allow Him to heal you.
Read more other entries :
It all started on August 12, 2009. My life circumstances have gone totally downhill and I have stored so much hatred against two people, the ones responsible for all my disgrace until this very second I'm writing. I had a good job in Northern Virginia. Good pay, my own apartment, good friends, and an overall stability. Though my job was never the best environment, this date I mentioned above, changed my life and up to now it has been all generally bad. I had a question on a job I was doing and I went to my supervisor. He took the time to ask me a question to test my knowledge and I could not provide the right answer. His mood went bad. He told me he was shocked and began to scold me for past works, that I was taking long and from there, it just went really bad. I did not have a good evaluation even after taking my free time to study and read and get up to speed because his question went more difficult and more difficult. In September, he gave me a job but never told what was the deadline, so I tried to do it the best I could, and it was my very first time doing such a job. The following day he came to me to ask me if I was finished, but I was just on my 20%. So I took the job home and tried to rush and kept working until 4:30am. I did not sleep much, and I delivered the job next day. Everything seemed ok. The next week one of my coworkers found a mistake and told him and he scolded me inside his office with the door shut criticizing my job. Next day he gave me a "technical" evaluation and he told almost two hours just to mention how bad I was doing. Then, a couple of weeks later, because I was going to have a new supervisor because this SOB went to another branch, he took my new supervisor for the final evaluation. He denigrated me in front of the other, passing the bad perception to him because though my personal relationship with the new supervisor was somehow better, he still gave me a bad evaluation later. I quickly noticed when discussing with him that he was simply afraid to give me a good evaluation because it would seem weird and could cause a bad perception on his boss in terms of inconsistency. But the thing that worsened the situation was this f@#$ SOB co-worker, he mocked me every way he could, in Facebook, in Evite Invitations, in e-mails, I was a fool to not have reported him I know, but this guy I am sure was the masterpiece author of all my disgraces there. He mocked a handicapped co-worker as well and was extremely troublesome with many people around- but he had 15 years of experience and so he delivered good jobs in short time, which is basically what matters to most companies. He went to some of my friends to talk about me and how bad I was doing, but they knew better and noticed he was a prick. Some of them ended infuriated with him because of personal problems with him (which I had nothing to do with). He even slammed a door to one of the female workers in the office. So, having made very good friends and liking the area (I still talk to them today), I made the sad decision to give up my independence and stability and had to resign, had to leave the area and now I am in Florida. Before leaving, the supervisor gave me fair evaluation and even a portrait. Weird, right? Here I am- living my parents, passing through very tough moments, have no money, no independence, bored, have applied to hundreds of jobs and it is now, almost one year later, that I have been contacted for interviews. It is now that I am feeling some sort of comfort but my first interview did not work, I believe I did well but they simply chose someone better; and now I am waiting for another interview, it was going to be yesterday but they had to postpone it to sometime in the future they don't still know. They said they were going to call me to set the new time, but I guess I have to wait. Nevertheless, there is a big situation in my family which is going to burst pretty soon and I will have to presence it. My friends there in Virginia keep having a lot of success (and I am happy with them!) while here I am, stuck, stagnant, fu@#$% depending on my parents like a fu@#$% kid, 28 years old I am supposed to have a home, independence, I have tried lots of jobs in my field and unrelated to my field but the freakin' economy is bad and I have no freakin' clue when I will have a job, and all of this is thanks to those two f@#$% SOB that I hate with all my heart! I am in the point I am cursing them everyday, my hatred against them is so, so strong, they have made my life miserable, I remember by good times as an independent man and thanks to with those f@#$%%'s I am here waiting for a big problem to burst in my family and having to be here when it happens (I have nothing to do with it), not be able to travel around because I have no money. I was raised a Christian and I never hated anyone, of course there have been incidents with some people, but these two are the ones that h
Religion & Spirituality - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Anger Management/Counseling
2 :
You will have to stop acting like a kid if you want to be not treated like one. I read this and i thought it was like a 15 year old or something
3 :
Go to your knees and pray that the Holy Spirit will calm your mind and give you peace. Spend more time studying the word of God in the Holy Bible and try to be obedient to God's will in all that you do. There will be no more room in your heart for hate.
4 :
Counseling... or marijuana
5 :
Well calm down. I know that you have hate in your heart but you -have- to let it go and you-have- to forgive them. You need to ask God for the strength to move on with your life and to forget about your past. It's done and over with, there is nothing you can do. You have to forgive those who wrong you if you want to be forgiven by God. So take it for what it is and let it go. Ask God to help you love these people. Pray for them everyday that they learn how to treat people better. Life is hard for a lot of people out there now, not just you. So be grateful that you even have a family to turn to in a time of need, and you aren't homeless! Have faith that God will take care of you and He will. Read the New Testament with an open heart. Be accepting of Jesus Christ and let go of all your anger and hate. Talk with God in prayer and allow Him to heal you.
Read more other entries :
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Boyfriend vs guy friend?
Boyfriend vs guy friend?
I have a loving boyfriend of 5 years. last fall, we had a rocky time in our relationship because i started liking a guy from my school and i felt horribly guilty about it and ended up confessing it to my boyfriend. since then, he has had slight trust issues and made me delete that guy friend from my facebook and made me promise that i didn't like him anymore and wouldn't talk to him. so i had a really hard time because i still liked the other guy (even though i hardly knew him). i talked to him a few times last fall, but then i stopped and we didn't see each other for months. last week, the guy friend, after not talking to me/seeing me for months, came up to my boyfriend and i at an awards ceremony in which i won an award and this guy congratulated me! since last week, i haven't been able to stop thinking of him. i was completely obsessed with this guy, so i emailed him a few times, without my boyfriend knowing and today, i met up with this guy for coffee to discuss forming an extracurricular group together this fall at our school. now that i've gotten a chance to talk to him more, i don't feel like i have much of a crush on this guy anymore, but i still really want to be friends with him. however, i know my boyfriend would never understand because of how i felt about this other guy last year. i feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of experiences if i didn't become friends with this other guy, but i don't know what to do about my boyfriend. i love him, but i just wish he never knew about this other guy so i could openly be friends with him and not hide things from my boyfriend. i also feel like i want more independence and not to have to tell my boyfriend everything, to be able to be friends and hang out with anyone i want to. i need something to change soon. what should i do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Just hangout with the guy if your bf don’t like it, then dump him. don’t ever let a man control you.
Read more other entries :
I have a loving boyfriend of 5 years. last fall, we had a rocky time in our relationship because i started liking a guy from my school and i felt horribly guilty about it and ended up confessing it to my boyfriend. since then, he has had slight trust issues and made me delete that guy friend from my facebook and made me promise that i didn't like him anymore and wouldn't talk to him. so i had a really hard time because i still liked the other guy (even though i hardly knew him). i talked to him a few times last fall, but then i stopped and we didn't see each other for months. last week, the guy friend, after not talking to me/seeing me for months, came up to my boyfriend and i at an awards ceremony in which i won an award and this guy congratulated me! since last week, i haven't been able to stop thinking of him. i was completely obsessed with this guy, so i emailed him a few times, without my boyfriend knowing and today, i met up with this guy for coffee to discuss forming an extracurricular group together this fall at our school. now that i've gotten a chance to talk to him more, i don't feel like i have much of a crush on this guy anymore, but i still really want to be friends with him. however, i know my boyfriend would never understand because of how i felt about this other guy last year. i feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of experiences if i didn't become friends with this other guy, but i don't know what to do about my boyfriend. i love him, but i just wish he never knew about this other guy so i could openly be friends with him and not hide things from my boyfriend. i also feel like i want more independence and not to have to tell my boyfriend everything, to be able to be friends and hang out with anyone i want to. i need something to change soon. what should i do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Just hangout with the guy if your bf don’t like it, then dump him. don’t ever let a man control you.
Read more other entries :
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Boyfriend vs. new guy friend/old crush?!?
Boyfriend vs. new guy friend/old crush?!?
I have a loving boyfriend of 5 years. last fall, we had a rocky time in our relationship because i started liking a guy from my school and i felt horribly guilty about it and ended up confessing it to my boyfriend. since then, he has had slight trust issues and made me delete that guy friend from my facebook and made me promise that i didn't like him anymore and wouldn't talk to him. so i had a really hard time because i still liked the other guy (even though i hardly knew him). i talked to him a few times last fall, but then i stopped and we didn't see each other for months. last week, the guy friend, after not talking to me/seeing me for months, came up to my boyfriend and i at an awards ceremony in which i won an award and this guy congratulated me! since last week, i haven't been able to stop thinking of him. i was completely obsessed with this guy, so i emailed him a few times, without my boyfriend knowing and today, i met up with this guy for coffee to discuss forming an extracurricular group together this fall at our school. now that i've gotten a chance to talk to him more, i don't feel like i have much of a crush on this guy anymore, but i still really want to be friends with him. however, i know my boyfriend would never understand because of how i felt about this other guy last year. i feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of experiences if i didn't become friends with this other guy, but i don't know what to do about my boyfriend. i love him, but i just wish he never knew about this other guy so i could openly be friends with him and not hide things from my boyfriend. i also feel like i want more independence and not to have to tell my boyfriend everything, to be able to be friends and hang out with anyone i want to. i need something to change soon. what should i do?
Friends - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
you have to figure this out one your own but im sure you'll make the right desition
Read more other entries :
I have a loving boyfriend of 5 years. last fall, we had a rocky time in our relationship because i started liking a guy from my school and i felt horribly guilty about it and ended up confessing it to my boyfriend. since then, he has had slight trust issues and made me delete that guy friend from my facebook and made me promise that i didn't like him anymore and wouldn't talk to him. so i had a really hard time because i still liked the other guy (even though i hardly knew him). i talked to him a few times last fall, but then i stopped and we didn't see each other for months. last week, the guy friend, after not talking to me/seeing me for months, came up to my boyfriend and i at an awards ceremony in which i won an award and this guy congratulated me! since last week, i haven't been able to stop thinking of him. i was completely obsessed with this guy, so i emailed him a few times, without my boyfriend knowing and today, i met up with this guy for coffee to discuss forming an extracurricular group together this fall at our school. now that i've gotten a chance to talk to him more, i don't feel like i have much of a crush on this guy anymore, but i still really want to be friends with him. however, i know my boyfriend would never understand because of how i felt about this other guy last year. i feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of experiences if i didn't become friends with this other guy, but i don't know what to do about my boyfriend. i love him, but i just wish he never knew about this other guy so i could openly be friends with him and not hide things from my boyfriend. i also feel like i want more independence and not to have to tell my boyfriend everything, to be able to be friends and hang out with anyone i want to. i need something to change soon. what should i do?
Friends - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
you have to figure this out one your own but im sure you'll make the right desition
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Thursday, November 28, 2013
Is asking a question a "threat" ?
Is asking a question a "threat" ?
On Facebook, some one posted a poll that asked if Obama should be assassinated. The poll was taken down as soon as Facebook found out about it, and today, the Secret Service is "investigating the THREAT made against the President". Really?..... Is asking a question REALLY the same thing as making a threat? I remind you... this country was FOUNDED on the act of high treason, our Declaration of Independence CLEARLY STATES our right and duty to cast off a failing government, and our 2nd amendment gives us the RIGHT to have the guns necessary to do that very thing. Now... I am NOT saying it is time to revolt.... I am only stating the FACTS that in our government, the RIGHT to CONSIDER and DISCUSS such acts are our DUTY..... and I ask the question again.... should a "poll" (no matter how "radical") really be considered a "threat"?
Government - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
They were talking about killing someone, on something like facebook people can get the wrong idea. You could call it psychological warfare, if you're paranoid enough.
2 :
Even after all Bush muddled F'ed up, I still never wished the man dead. I can see how posting a question such as this on a public forum would be considered a death threat
3 :
You should probably only capitalize the first letter of a proper noun, the first letter of the first word of a sentence or an acronym. If I walked up to a person and asked them if I should punch them in the face I think they would find that threatening. If I asked a person if they wanted to die today, they would probably find that threatening as well. If I asked someone if I should sexually abuse children they would probably call the police. So yes, asking a question can be construed as a being a threat. Funny, though...Why did the secret service tell you about their investigation? Or are you taking someone's word for it.
4 :
Best you be practical I would think, and not equate assassination with free speech. It's not protected speech to shout fire in a crowded building. I think you already know this. It's very obvious that this isn't just discussing something. I know you are not that naive. Inciting violence towards the person the nation freely elected is a grave and serious thing.
Read more other entries :
On Facebook, some one posted a poll that asked if Obama should be assassinated. The poll was taken down as soon as Facebook found out about it, and today, the Secret Service is "investigating the THREAT made against the President". Really?..... Is asking a question REALLY the same thing as making a threat? I remind you... this country was FOUNDED on the act of high treason, our Declaration of Independence CLEARLY STATES our right and duty to cast off a failing government, and our 2nd amendment gives us the RIGHT to have the guns necessary to do that very thing. Now... I am NOT saying it is time to revolt.... I am only stating the FACTS that in our government, the RIGHT to CONSIDER and DISCUSS such acts are our DUTY..... and I ask the question again.... should a "poll" (no matter how "radical") really be considered a "threat"?
Government - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
They were talking about killing someone, on something like facebook people can get the wrong idea. You could call it psychological warfare, if you're paranoid enough.
2 :
Even after all Bush muddled F'ed up, I still never wished the man dead. I can see how posting a question such as this on a public forum would be considered a death threat
3 :
You should probably only capitalize the first letter of a proper noun, the first letter of the first word of a sentence or an acronym. If I walked up to a person and asked them if I should punch them in the face I think they would find that threatening. If I asked a person if they wanted to die today, they would probably find that threatening as well. If I asked someone if I should sexually abuse children they would probably call the police. So yes, asking a question can be construed as a being a threat. Funny, though...Why did the secret service tell you about their investigation? Or are you taking someone's word for it.
4 :
Best you be practical I would think, and not equate assassination with free speech. It's not protected speech to shout fire in a crowded building. I think you already know this. It's very obvious that this isn't just discussing something. I know you are not that naive. Inciting violence towards the person the nation freely elected is a grave and serious thing.
Read more other entries :
Thursday, November 14, 2013
What's going on between us? Is it over?
What's going on between us? Is it over?
Let's call him A. So A and myself met around this time last year when we're auditioning for band in our new college. Both of us eventually got in and from there, we've gradually became best of friends/best buddies. Since then also, he's become a major part of my life as he's never failed to bring laughter whenever i'm with him. So after many months later, playful cupid decided to shoot love arrows on us, and so we've began dating. We have agreed that what both of us wanted in this r/s is to settled down in a stable r/s and no more dramatic love story. Everything was just so perfect and in place, and we even discussed our future. Very comfortable with each other and we laughter never fail to end our day. Though he's my 4th boyfriend but it's my first time falling in love with my best friend/best buddies. We have seen each others family and also each others' friends, everything seem so fine. Though we broke up on our first month (due to some misunderstanding) , we got back together as he said that after letting me go , he realized that i am very important to him and he couldn't afford to lose me. Like wise, i felt the same. Things got better and we continue our love story, and he's as sweet as ever. Sometime ago, we couldn't meet each other for around 10 days because he's working part time and i have my own commitment in band as there's performance coming right up. First few days of that 10 days period were alright and like as usual, though we couldn't meet but we texted from day to night and we're always on each others' mind. But soon enough everything turned sour, harsh words used on each other. I blamed myself even now that if i hadn't use these words on him, we'll still be happily together now. Anyway we have decided to give each other some time to think about us . After near 2 days of not communicating , he suggested we should just be friends. I was devastated and couldn't understand why. It has been days now and i've tried consoling myself that if that's what he wanted and if he's happy, i should be happy for him as well.But sometime, i can't help but to tear up because he left me with so much to remember.I still check his facebook page and his statuses , but i don't get it. He posted (over a few days period till now ) sad music video , then on his status he posted "Regret." , "my mind is in a mess now." , "felt so much better. ^^", "I confess.I miss you." . Now that the 10 days part time job is over, he still haven't text me ever since we broke up on saturday and not even a call. I assume he doesn't want me and no longer care about me anymore , but i still believe he patronize my personal blog. But why is his statuses so contradicting. What's exactly on his mind? What's happening to us? What should i do? Thanks for reading. Please help me.
Singles & Dating - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Well this is actually quite a difficult one. He misses you, but it's common to miss someone after a break-up (regardless of who breaks up with who). As for discussions about your future, he must be quite an unusual specimen if he open discusses his future with you. Quite often a guy will talk about his future with a girl only if she brings it up, he feels like he needs to, she pressures him to, etc. Especially among college kids. In all honesty it might be best to play the field a little bit. Go out and enjoy being single for a little bit. He dumped you... you might as well make the most of it. And hey, you might even consider homosexuality! (jk)
2 :
U need to pack a bowl and blaze it girl he's gone :/
3 :
its quite... um, complicated. i think u should meet up with him and ask him whats wrong.
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Let's call him A. So A and myself met around this time last year when we're auditioning for band in our new college. Both of us eventually got in and from there, we've gradually became best of friends/best buddies. Since then also, he's become a major part of my life as he's never failed to bring laughter whenever i'm with him. So after many months later, playful cupid decided to shoot love arrows on us, and so we've began dating. We have agreed that what both of us wanted in this r/s is to settled down in a stable r/s and no more dramatic love story. Everything was just so perfect and in place, and we even discussed our future. Very comfortable with each other and we laughter never fail to end our day. Though he's my 4th boyfriend but it's my first time falling in love with my best friend/best buddies. We have seen each others family and also each others' friends, everything seem so fine. Though we broke up on our first month (due to some misunderstanding) , we got back together as he said that after letting me go , he realized that i am very important to him and he couldn't afford to lose me. Like wise, i felt the same. Things got better and we continue our love story, and he's as sweet as ever. Sometime ago, we couldn't meet each other for around 10 days because he's working part time and i have my own commitment in band as there's performance coming right up. First few days of that 10 days period were alright and like as usual, though we couldn't meet but we texted from day to night and we're always on each others' mind. But soon enough everything turned sour, harsh words used on each other. I blamed myself even now that if i hadn't use these words on him, we'll still be happily together now. Anyway we have decided to give each other some time to think about us . After near 2 days of not communicating , he suggested we should just be friends. I was devastated and couldn't understand why. It has been days now and i've tried consoling myself that if that's what he wanted and if he's happy, i should be happy for him as well.But sometime, i can't help but to tear up because he left me with so much to remember.I still check his facebook page and his statuses , but i don't get it. He posted (over a few days period till now ) sad music video , then on his status he posted "Regret." , "my mind is in a mess now." , "felt so much better. ^^", "I confess.I miss you." . Now that the 10 days part time job is over, he still haven't text me ever since we broke up on saturday and not even a call. I assume he doesn't want me and no longer care about me anymore , but i still believe he patronize my personal blog. But why is his statuses so contradicting. What's exactly on his mind? What's happening to us? What should i do? Thanks for reading. Please help me.
Singles & Dating - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Well this is actually quite a difficult one. He misses you, but it's common to miss someone after a break-up (regardless of who breaks up with who). As for discussions about your future, he must be quite an unusual specimen if he open discusses his future with you. Quite often a guy will talk about his future with a girl only if she brings it up, he feels like he needs to, she pressures him to, etc. Especially among college kids. In all honesty it might be best to play the field a little bit. Go out and enjoy being single for a little bit. He dumped you... you might as well make the most of it. And hey, you might even consider homosexuality! (jk)
2 :
U need to pack a bowl and blaze it girl he's gone :/
3 :
its quite... um, complicated. i think u should meet up with him and ask him whats wrong.
Read more other entries :
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Honestly people.. this is a long one, but I really need advice?
Honestly people.. this is a long one, but I really need advice?
Okay. I'm dating my best friend. I've known him for 7 years, we've been best friends for 3 years, and we've been dating for just over 2 months. He was in a long term relationship, I think for 6-7 years, something like that. His ex went to France for a year for school, and dumped him over Facebook when she got there. This was last summer. Well, I had known that he had been depressed, but I didn't know why. A mutual acquaintance told me the story, and I was being a good friend and I was there for him. (for reference - and yes, this is relevant - he cheated on his ex with me on several occasions almost 4 years ago, and I've been hopelessly in love with him pretty much since I met him. Oh, and he's five years older than me) Well these events brought us much closer together. Almost every night he drove over to my neighborhood and we went on walks together, and on several occasions he spent the night with me. Eventually we started having sex again, and he ended up taking me on my first date. That night, he told me he wanted to be with me (two months after his ex left) and it took a little over a week before we actually became a couple. For the record, we're complete opposites. He's a theater nerd indie dude, kinda grungy and stuff. Very quiet and introverted. I'm just flat out wacky, kinda trendy, and loud. That's just the background information, which is necessary in this situation. Now, I know he's still bent out of shape over his ex. When we became a couple he said "well do you want to get hurt now or later?" (I had told him I was willing to take a chance, no matter how scared I am of getting hurt) and basically ended the subject of us becoming a couple (which btw took A LOT of discussing) with "this CANNOT affect our friendship" what is that supposed to mean? Am I the rebound chick? He's kind of a ladies man, and I'm ridiculously possessive and jealous. I'm mostly keeping my insanity to myself, just so I don't ruin anything. I expressed to him my concerns yesterday, which are: What am I to him? Rebound? Does he still talk to his ex? What happens between us when she comes back? Is he going to see her? Is he going to dump me to get back with her? I feel like I have to compete with her for his affection when she isn't even trying; she has a new boyfriend and IS IN EUROPE. In response to pretty much everything I said, all he responded with was "I haven't talked to her in weeks." .......okay!? What about everything else? He did agree that he can't blame me for thinking that way, which I find important on his part. Before we got together I was forcing myself to accept that it would never happen and that I just want him to be happy - with or without me. Well, now that we're an item, I can't quite tell what's going on with him. I don't want to be intrusive and ask him 20 questions, this is a new thing for me (dating a guy with a job and a car and that's significantly older than me and that isn't an abusive psychotic freak) and I'm walking on eggshells here, because I just don't want anything to go wrong. I want some insight from anyone who reads all of this - what do you see going on here? Do I have any reason to be jealous and crazy? I've already let my guard down - should I put the wall back up? What would you do if you were in a situation like this? PLEASE - please give me some insight. Anything would be helpful. Obviously I love him unconditionally. I know that it's worth it to be with him even if I get hurt in the end - but I'm so wary of it. The last thing he wants is to hurt me, and I honestly don't see a future for us. I'm taking the chance because I don't want to spend my life wondering "what if?" I want to know what people would do if they were in my shoes, or even his.
Singles & Dating - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
sorry i dont have time to read all that :(
2 :
Well.
3 :
Give you some insight.....that's impossible. You and only you know your feelings for this guy...we don't Ask yourself if there is any future in this relationship together. l...personally would be walking away..... But this is your feelings that we are talking about.
4 :
First thing you need to remember is that he cheated on his ex. Doesn't matter that it was with you, but that he cheated. Secondly, you need to ask yourself if you will be ok if he cheats on you. You should stay friends and keep intimacy out of it. If you cannot do that then you need to just stay away from him. I know you don't want to hear that, because you probably think HE IS THE ONE!! ...how many times I have heard that from my own daughters !! If you let him, he will hurt you later rather than sooner. It is your choice.
5 :
Well you are the girl after a 6 year relationship, so yes you are the rebound. I personally wouldn't have gotten myself in that situation. I don't like the dude because he said "do you wanna be hurt now or later"... so I'm not sure, but just do what makes you happy.
6 :
can you plzzzzzzz make your Q little short
7 :
hmm, i read it all :D by the sounds of the conversation you had, he sounds like you either are the rebound girl or that he's not expecting anything too serious or long with you. by him saying that 'this CANNOT affect our friendship', i kinda get the vibe that he's expecting that it will end in one way or another? As for his response to your questions, he probably thinks that they are based on what their current stance with each other is, maybe he felt that by saying just that, he would get across that because they dont talk, he doesnt have feelings for her and that you arent the rebound. i see where the confusion comes in... maybe just try focusing on you two for now, try to forget about the ex, if you still feel that hes caught up on her even though shes not around, its probably time to talk to him about it again. hope that helped! x
8 :
i did read all of it i think you might be right with your rebound girl theory. you'd been the other girl a few times, and then you were a shoulder to cry on. no lie not many girls wanna deal with a depressed guy. in that time he got even more used to you, and you were like the next best thing. and he told you that this CANNOT effect your friendship... in this context it sounds like hes saying that if he f*cks up like he thinks he will, then will you please forgive him and stay his friend. you should want someone who sees you as a priority instead of an option. and he clearly doesn't see you as a priority because he didn't really reassure you of any of your concerns did he? but its fair enough that you would have so many concerns. i mean he cheated on his gf of 6-7 years with you a few times, how do you know that he didn't hook up with other girls and how do you know that hes not cheating on you? straight up, you cannot expect him to not talk to his ex and you can't even really demand that (or so i think) because demands never go over well. he also can't really answer most of your questions definitely. see how can he promise you that hes not going to break up with you. does it matter if he breaks up with you for her or for someone else? girl you're an extrovert, you've definitely got this. i think it'd be in your best interest to break up with him. stay friends with him if you want but don't hook up with him anymore because the more you do, the more respect he loses for you. why would he take a relationship with you seriously if he can have fun with you without the work? i really don't mean to sound harsh i just don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. let the ladies man do his thing, he just got out of a serious relationship don't force him into another one. if he really wanted another serious relationship he'd be putting in way more effort. good luck :)
9 :
Well first, i DON'T think you are a rebound girl. I understand why you would get jealous, i know i would. Try and put yourself in his situation, he was with this girl for years! She would have been a big part of his life. Yes he should turn all of his attention to his new girlfriend now (you) but sounds like he needs a little more time to fully get over her. I'm not saying he still loves her. But getting over a serious relationship is going to take time. You two being nothing alike sound like a good couple (: Be good to him to help him get over this girl, you can ask him the questions you have, about her and get his serious answer. I really hope it turns out good for you both, i know how good it is dating your best friend (: If it is meant to be it WILL be. Good luck! Try not to over think little things and stay positive. He's yours.
10 :
I'm sorry but it sounds as though he may be using you until this other girl comes back, stringing you along while hoping his ex will want to pick up where they left off when she returns. I'm guessing he's deluding himself though if she broke up with him and has moved on. Why is he being evasive with his answers? Don't trust him if he can not give you straight answers. Trust your gut instincts. If you have worries after just 2 months as a couple, what will it be like in a year or 2 or when his ex does come back? Oh, and if can cheat on someone with you, he can, and most likely will, cheat with someone else on you.
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Okay. I'm dating my best friend. I've known him for 7 years, we've been best friends for 3 years, and we've been dating for just over 2 months. He was in a long term relationship, I think for 6-7 years, something like that. His ex went to France for a year for school, and dumped him over Facebook when she got there. This was last summer. Well, I had known that he had been depressed, but I didn't know why. A mutual acquaintance told me the story, and I was being a good friend and I was there for him. (for reference - and yes, this is relevant - he cheated on his ex with me on several occasions almost 4 years ago, and I've been hopelessly in love with him pretty much since I met him. Oh, and he's five years older than me) Well these events brought us much closer together. Almost every night he drove over to my neighborhood and we went on walks together, and on several occasions he spent the night with me. Eventually we started having sex again, and he ended up taking me on my first date. That night, he told me he wanted to be with me (two months after his ex left) and it took a little over a week before we actually became a couple. For the record, we're complete opposites. He's a theater nerd indie dude, kinda grungy and stuff. Very quiet and introverted. I'm just flat out wacky, kinda trendy, and loud. That's just the background information, which is necessary in this situation. Now, I know he's still bent out of shape over his ex. When we became a couple he said "well do you want to get hurt now or later?" (I had told him I was willing to take a chance, no matter how scared I am of getting hurt) and basically ended the subject of us becoming a couple (which btw took A LOT of discussing) with "this CANNOT affect our friendship" what is that supposed to mean? Am I the rebound chick? He's kind of a ladies man, and I'm ridiculously possessive and jealous. I'm mostly keeping my insanity to myself, just so I don't ruin anything. I expressed to him my concerns yesterday, which are: What am I to him? Rebound? Does he still talk to his ex? What happens between us when she comes back? Is he going to see her? Is he going to dump me to get back with her? I feel like I have to compete with her for his affection when she isn't even trying; she has a new boyfriend and IS IN EUROPE. In response to pretty much everything I said, all he responded with was "I haven't talked to her in weeks." .......okay!? What about everything else? He did agree that he can't blame me for thinking that way, which I find important on his part. Before we got together I was forcing myself to accept that it would never happen and that I just want him to be happy - with or without me. Well, now that we're an item, I can't quite tell what's going on with him. I don't want to be intrusive and ask him 20 questions, this is a new thing for me (dating a guy with a job and a car and that's significantly older than me and that isn't an abusive psychotic freak) and I'm walking on eggshells here, because I just don't want anything to go wrong. I want some insight from anyone who reads all of this - what do you see going on here? Do I have any reason to be jealous and crazy? I've already let my guard down - should I put the wall back up? What would you do if you were in a situation like this? PLEASE - please give me some insight. Anything would be helpful. Obviously I love him unconditionally. I know that it's worth it to be with him even if I get hurt in the end - but I'm so wary of it. The last thing he wants is to hurt me, and I honestly don't see a future for us. I'm taking the chance because I don't want to spend my life wondering "what if?" I want to know what people would do if they were in my shoes, or even his.
Singles & Dating - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
sorry i dont have time to read all that :(
2 :
Well.
3 :
Give you some insight.....that's impossible. You and only you know your feelings for this guy...we don't Ask yourself if there is any future in this relationship together. l...personally would be walking away..... But this is your feelings that we are talking about.
4 :
First thing you need to remember is that he cheated on his ex. Doesn't matter that it was with you, but that he cheated. Secondly, you need to ask yourself if you will be ok if he cheats on you. You should stay friends and keep intimacy out of it. If you cannot do that then you need to just stay away from him. I know you don't want to hear that, because you probably think HE IS THE ONE!! ...how many times I have heard that from my own daughters !! If you let him, he will hurt you later rather than sooner. It is your choice.
5 :
Well you are the girl after a 6 year relationship, so yes you are the rebound. I personally wouldn't have gotten myself in that situation. I don't like the dude because he said "do you wanna be hurt now or later"... so I'm not sure, but just do what makes you happy.
6 :
can you plzzzzzzz make your Q little short
7 :
hmm, i read it all :D by the sounds of the conversation you had, he sounds like you either are the rebound girl or that he's not expecting anything too serious or long with you. by him saying that 'this CANNOT affect our friendship', i kinda get the vibe that he's expecting that it will end in one way or another? As for his response to your questions, he probably thinks that they are based on what their current stance with each other is, maybe he felt that by saying just that, he would get across that because they dont talk, he doesnt have feelings for her and that you arent the rebound. i see where the confusion comes in... maybe just try focusing on you two for now, try to forget about the ex, if you still feel that hes caught up on her even though shes not around, its probably time to talk to him about it again. hope that helped! x
8 :
i did read all of it i think you might be right with your rebound girl theory. you'd been the other girl a few times, and then you were a shoulder to cry on. no lie not many girls wanna deal with a depressed guy. in that time he got even more used to you, and you were like the next best thing. and he told you that this CANNOT effect your friendship... in this context it sounds like hes saying that if he f*cks up like he thinks he will, then will you please forgive him and stay his friend. you should want someone who sees you as a priority instead of an option. and he clearly doesn't see you as a priority because he didn't really reassure you of any of your concerns did he? but its fair enough that you would have so many concerns. i mean he cheated on his gf of 6-7 years with you a few times, how do you know that he didn't hook up with other girls and how do you know that hes not cheating on you? straight up, you cannot expect him to not talk to his ex and you can't even really demand that (or so i think) because demands never go over well. he also can't really answer most of your questions definitely. see how can he promise you that hes not going to break up with you. does it matter if he breaks up with you for her or for someone else? girl you're an extrovert, you've definitely got this. i think it'd be in your best interest to break up with him. stay friends with him if you want but don't hook up with him anymore because the more you do, the more respect he loses for you. why would he take a relationship with you seriously if he can have fun with you without the work? i really don't mean to sound harsh i just don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. let the ladies man do his thing, he just got out of a serious relationship don't force him into another one. if he really wanted another serious relationship he'd be putting in way more effort. good luck :)
9 :
Well first, i DON'T think you are a rebound girl. I understand why you would get jealous, i know i would. Try and put yourself in his situation, he was with this girl for years! She would have been a big part of his life. Yes he should turn all of his attention to his new girlfriend now (you) but sounds like he needs a little more time to fully get over her. I'm not saying he still loves her. But getting over a serious relationship is going to take time. You two being nothing alike sound like a good couple (: Be good to him to help him get over this girl, you can ask him the questions you have, about her and get his serious answer. I really hope it turns out good for you both, i know how good it is dating your best friend (: If it is meant to be it WILL be. Good luck! Try not to over think little things and stay positive. He's yours.
10 :
I'm sorry but it sounds as though he may be using you until this other girl comes back, stringing you along while hoping his ex will want to pick up where they left off when she returns. I'm guessing he's deluding himself though if she broke up with him and has moved on. Why is he being evasive with his answers? Don't trust him if he can not give you straight answers. Trust your gut instincts. If you have worries after just 2 months as a couple, what will it be like in a year or 2 or when his ex does come back? Oh, and if can cheat on someone with you, he can, and most likely will, cheat with someone else on you.
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Friday, November 1, 2013
This guy always backs away in a one step forward, two steps back kind of way.?
This guy always backs away in a one step forward, two steps back kind of way.?
We're eighteen and go to the same college and have been dating for the last couple months. He's always so sweet and amazing... when I'm with him. but everytime we hit a milestone, he backs away. What gives? For example: When he took me on our first real date, he begged me to stay longer, see him the next day, etc... Then he didn't call me for a week. When he had me meet his friends, it went super well, he was pretty much attached to me the entire time, he was so cute and sweet, and begged me to stay longer.... then didn't call for a week. When he came to my formal with me, it went so well, he was so boyfriendy and made friends with everyone, it was so perfect... didn't call for almost a week. Same goes for the first time we slept together. We're both home for our winter break right now, and last week, he drove the TWO HOURS and ditched his friends for New Years to come stay at my house and be with me on New Years and even meet all of my friends AND MY PARENTS. He tried super hard to get everyone to like him (they did), he was so amazing, he didn't want to leave the next day and we spent almost the whole day together, it was so perfect. We even discussed about how we're exclusive (we never talked about it before, I had just assumed). But he's still not my BOYFRIEND, and even though I don't want to be so into labels, I really do want that validation of our relationship. And I haven't heard from him since he left last Friday. Granted, he is taking a class over break and started school today (Monday) so this past weekend were his last days with his family. He hasn't been on Facebook at all either, so I know he's not just sitting there bored. He's probably busy. But still - how can he be too busy to call me for two seconds!? What gives? Oh also: he's never had a real girlfriend. Is he not calling because he's worried I'll smother him? What do I do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Ok the best thing I can tell you is to give it time. Maybe he is to busy with school and other things. You should give it a week. I am sure he will come around. I mean he tried this hard to impress your parents and he brings you around his friends. He is not embarrassed of you. Those are all good things and he is definitely into you. If I may throw in the guy I slept with was actually on new years eve and he was my first. Right now it hurts so much because we decided to keep it as friends. And it hurt because he was my first and tries to make me feel bad. So if you think this guy is the right one think twice and be sure he is not gonna hurt you.
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We're eighteen and go to the same college and have been dating for the last couple months. He's always so sweet and amazing... when I'm with him. but everytime we hit a milestone, he backs away. What gives? For example: When he took me on our first real date, he begged me to stay longer, see him the next day, etc... Then he didn't call me for a week. When he had me meet his friends, it went super well, he was pretty much attached to me the entire time, he was so cute and sweet, and begged me to stay longer.... then didn't call for a week. When he came to my formal with me, it went so well, he was so boyfriendy and made friends with everyone, it was so perfect... didn't call for almost a week. Same goes for the first time we slept together. We're both home for our winter break right now, and last week, he drove the TWO HOURS and ditched his friends for New Years to come stay at my house and be with me on New Years and even meet all of my friends AND MY PARENTS. He tried super hard to get everyone to like him (they did), he was so amazing, he didn't want to leave the next day and we spent almost the whole day together, it was so perfect. We even discussed about how we're exclusive (we never talked about it before, I had just assumed). But he's still not my BOYFRIEND, and even though I don't want to be so into labels, I really do want that validation of our relationship. And I haven't heard from him since he left last Friday. Granted, he is taking a class over break and started school today (Monday) so this past weekend were his last days with his family. He hasn't been on Facebook at all either, so I know he's not just sitting there bored. He's probably busy. But still - how can he be too busy to call me for two seconds!? What gives? Oh also: he's never had a real girlfriend. Is he not calling because he's worried I'll smother him? What do I do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Ok the best thing I can tell you is to give it time. Maybe he is to busy with school and other things. You should give it a week. I am sure he will come around. I mean he tried this hard to impress your parents and he brings you around his friends. He is not embarrassed of you. Those are all good things and he is definitely into you. If I may throw in the guy I slept with was actually on new years eve and he was my first. Right now it hurts so much because we decided to keep it as friends. And it hurt because he was my first and tries to make me feel bad. So if you think this guy is the right one think twice and be sure he is not gonna hurt you.
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Monday, October 28, 2013
Boyfriend of 3.5 years left me pregnant and hasn't spoken to me in weeks.?
Boyfriend of 3.5 years left me pregnant and hasn't spoken to me in weeks.?
ok, so all of my questions have been about this jerk, but here goes again because I am confused and hurt... so in the beginning my ex and I lived together almost 2 years... I got pregnant, a week later we lost the apartment (he lost his job back in December and then unemployment ran out so we couldn't afford it) then he dumped me, but begged me back and I said yes to be dumped again 3 days later (all that in early August). Well now things are even worse. He has played mind games and confused the crap out of me. He went with to my appointment on August 13th and seemed excited to see the ultrasound and he even told the doctor he wants a boy and he was actually helping me despite living 2 hours away. He called often and when he was at his dad's (only 10 minutes away from where I live) he would hang out with me and buy me stuff. Then things got bad again. He left back to his moms and his calls got less frequent and I couldn't even reach him. Then he came back the week of his birthday to get more of his stuff from his dad's house to move to his mom's (2hrs away). His 22nd birthday was August 26th. We hung out the day after his birthday and I bought him shoes and we went out to dinner. We discussed the things that went wrong in our relationship and we both agreed that right now there was no point to be together when we needed to work on ourselves to correct the problems if we ever wanted a future. We even discussed names for the baby and he mentioned something about if we ever have more kids we can name them all these other things... well, he left back to his mom's house the next day and then started ignoring me which made me crazy (obviously I am hormonal, too, so being ignored didn't help and I flipped out and called too much and sent too many messages, etc) well, he finally gets back to me that Tuesday and says we will talk later about all of this and he said he has been there for me when he was at his dads and bought me stuff and whatnot. Then he sent me a message on Facebook saying that he knew I had moved on and had someone else and that it upset him but he would get over it. I sent him back a message saying that was not the case and that, yea guys like me even though they know I am pregnant, but I haven't done anything with them. Well, he continued to ignore me after that and I didn't understand why. I got pissed again and told him that if he wanted to just ignore me that I wanted all my stuff back and that I had hung out with some new people and some of them were guys. I got ignored and ignored and ignored and then the following Tuesday I finally reach him and he gets all pissed at me and tells me he hopes my dating life is going good because he has been seeing someone down by his mom's house. I was really upset by this and sent him a million facebook messages calling him an a**hole and asking him why would he tell me he doesn't want me to move on and that he still cares and it would hurt him if I had someone else and he said he didn't know. The next day he sent the following message to me because I told him I can't leave him alone and we NEED to discuss the child... "yeah u can leave me alone please stop writing me i dont wanna talk to you.. i have a date in like 30 mins and hopefully i can get lucky again tonight!! so yeah keep ur head up and well U R gonna have a baby im gonna live life and man has it been great these last couple weeks!I dont really know what u want me too say so i hope ur dating life is going as good as u said cause ur gonna need a baby daddy im just gonna pay my share." I honestly vomited all over myself when I read this and I couldn't breathe. I then blacked out and got severely depressed. I sent him messages back after I calmed down telling him he was a pathetic slut and how could he do that to anyone and that he was just trying to hurt me and make me jealous and it was sad and I asked him how he could possibly treat me like that after such a long relationship and after being there and saying he wanted to be with me. Then I blocked him on facebook, but I regretted it by that Friday and sent him a message asking him how he could be so cruel to which I got the reply ,"u def should go on dates and fuck people cause i am and its really sad u think i love u still i havent in more than a year but this is for realz ami so do what u gotta do i only pretended to love u for the kids name that was it but now i dont care nor do i want it or you im done i have moved on and advise u to do the same it wasnt fun while it lasted and if i had any commonsense i would have left ur ass a long time ago so this is it goodbye man! p.s. please stop writing me or trying to get a hold of me i do not wanna talk to u EVER so please just stop i will contact u when im in town and have ur shit together." I am so confused and heartbroken at this point. He has not talked to me at all since and its been almost 3 weeks. I am also really pissed off because all of that was over facebook and he didn't even have the balls to call me or speak to me face to face. He has blocked me and has no phone so I can't even reach him and I am so mad. I just don't understand. We were best friends for 2 years before we got together and we had talked about marriage and he told me earlier this year in like May that he wanted to be with me and he wanted kids soon and then I got pregnant and everything changed. I just don't understand at all. I spoke to his mom (which he told me she hated me bc of a thing I did that is explained in a prior question) and she told me that he doesn't know what he wants, but when they were at the Chicago Bears training camp thing in early August he was telling everyone he still loved me and he missed me. She also said he wants to go to the army, but she doesn't even know if thats what he really wants. she told me I am in a way better place in my life and that she doesn't understand why he is being such a jerk. I also spoke to his dad and his dad said he does have a female friend down there, but he doesnt know if they are together and he doesn't know if my ex just said those things to be a jerk. He also asked me why I would want to be with someone who doesn't even respect me and said "I mean, its my son and I think he is being an a**hole." So both of his parents dont agree with his behavior, but he spends a lot of time with his sister cuz she lives down by his mom and she hates me. She has convinced him I am a terrible person, I am sure and she refuses to take blame in anything she has done to cause this situation (explained in prior question)... After he was down there he told me I was having this kid to trap him (not true, I got pregnant out of LOVE with a man I thought loved me, too plus we already aborted our first child and it made me seriously depressed) and he also said that he doesn't know if its his kid because we got in a nasty fight around the time of conception and he left for the night, but came back the next day and I stayed at the neighbors house because I was completely distraught, but I slept on the couch and NOTHING happened so it hurts. I have never been unfaithful. He has also never cheated the whole time we were together, even when we broke up for 2 weeks earlier this year in March he still called me everyday and I still spent the night at our apartment 3 days a week so it wasn't like we were really even broken up. I am so confused and hurt and I don't know if he really has someone or not, but he has been ignoring me for almost a month now and it hurts like hell. I have stopped trying to contact him and at this point I don't even know if its worth it to try to make things work if he does come around. I am in love with him still and I wish he would consider my health when he chooses to say and do such mean things while I am pregnant. I just don't get it. His mom and dad both think he will come around when he sees the baby if not sooner, but I dont want to wait around holding my breath for some douche that can't even see the awesome woman he had. I am smart, creative, dependable, responsible... I am graduating college in December, I have maintained my job for 5 years now, I have 2 internships for my final quarter in school... I am pretty... guys like me... I don't understand why HE doesn't see this. He is so lucky to have had me. Especially considering he didn't graduate high school, has no job, has no drivers license, nothing. He just resented me because I couldn't pay half the rent while I was in college and he hated being broke and it caused a lot of problems, but now I am about to graduate and he could have been a stay at home dad while I focused on my career. I had no problem being the bread winner, in fact, I kind of always wanted to be the head of household because my mom set that example for me by being one herself. So I guess I just need advice, or someone that can relate, or some sort of understanding as to what his problem is. Is this all stemming from jealousy on his part that other guys are interested in me despite me being pregnant now that he dumped me? How long should I just let him ignore me? I kind of need to know things about what he plans his role to be because he tells his family that he wants to be in the kids life and be there for the baby, yet he doesn't care about my health during pregnancy when it affects the child... I just don't know anymore. I also sometimes think that maybe one day we could try to have a 2nd chance, I would like a normal family and I think he is super scared right now too since he has nothing going for him but his looks... I also know that you can't try to build your 2nd chance on the 1st rocky foundation, it has to be completely destroyed and paved over to create a stronger foundation... is that just me being hopefully ignorant? I don't know what to do. I keep living my life and going to school and hanging out with friends and I want him to see that my life goes on without him because I don't want to feed his ego anymore and make him think he can just do whatever. Please help. Oh, and as far as ages, I am 24 and he JUST turned 22 and I know younger males freak out more easily. Please help!! p.s. sorry this is ridiculously long, I have been marinating in misery and have been trying to find answers since he sent that message, but I couldn't find anyone whose situation was like mine so I needed to get all the details out for the best help... I chose the abortion at the time because I was still in college and he and I were in a band together and we wanted to continue pursuing the music thing. He supported my decision either way at that time. He also knew I wasn't on birth control because it messed with my body too much, but its not like he wore condoms, and we always said if I DID get pregnant again we would keep it. So I didn't try to trap him at all. We made the baby out of love. I didn't choose to keep this baby because I wanted to trap him. I chose to keep it because after I aborted the first one I realized I was a horrible person and that everything deserves a chance at life. My abortion made me pro-life, sorry, not a trap, but thanks for your input cuz he is a total jerk. and the abortion was last year in March... this year he was saying how he wanted kids. So, he obviously DID want to have kids with me but then I actually got pregnant and he freaked out, but he also talked at the beginning of this pregnancy about kids he wanted to have with me AFTER this kid. So, its definitely not trapping. And at this point I am confused on whether I even want him to be a part of this at all because I don't want to go to court for the next 18 years figuring out visitations/child support/etc. I'd rather he signed away his rights completely because I don't need him. I am the one who has my life in check, he is the one all over the place. sorry, I didn't know what TTC was... but I wasn't exactly trying. The old pull out method just isn't that effective. And I kind of think he tried to get me pregnant because one night he KNEW I wasn't on birth control and he decided to not pull out for whatever reason, well, duh... of course when you don't even try to pull out you are going to probably for sure get the chick pregnant.
Pregnancy - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm really sorry..I'm sure you're very hurt.. it's the best if you leave him alone..for you and your child. stress on baby isn't good.
2 :
bottom line, this guy is a loser and obviously young. he does not know what he wants out of life. you need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU and your BABY!!!! You two are the only people that count! Believe me when I say that I know your pain, I do. And please learn from my mistakes. Ignore him. I used to keep a notebook of everytime I wanted to talk to him, and I'd write it down instead of call/see him. You have reached a point that all women reach when pregnant (with supportive men or not) - YOU are now the responsible one because YOU are all that baby has. Worrying about a jerk, will only make you sad and put a strain on your body. Move on. The future is not set in stone. If he's meant to come around, he will. In the meantime focus all that love on that baby!!!!!
3 :
OMG your poor kid. At least you have it in writing that he wants nothing to do with the child, and that he will pay his share. Take him up on that. I don't care how freaked out he might be about this pregnancy this guy is obviously a huge jerk and you should move on. He is obviously not the man you thought he was, grieve, then let him go and worry about you and your baby. Did he know you were TTC? Cause if he didn't then yes, that's trapping. Especially after it was clear from your abortion he didn't want to have kids with you.
4 :
Oh my....I'm so sorry for you! But the others have said it all by now...he's immature, he is basically a jerk who has no idea what to do with his life, and clearly doesn't want the responsibility of being a father. Tell me, is that what you want for YOUR life? I mean, I know everyone tells you to think about your baby, and it's true!, but, your own feelings and life is a stake here too! Do you really want him to come back and say "I'm sorry", and get back to you? Do you truly think that will be it and he will be miracoulusly happy and ready to be a father and husband/life partner??? I don't think so...and deep inside, you know he's not. So, I think you should try to get some kind of professional help, or a counselor, go to church, talk to your pastor/priest, someone who can help you and guide you to overcome this problem....and focus on YOUR life and YOUR BABY. Don't let this jerk ruin your life and your pregnancy...move on, don't beg him for love or attention...he clearly doesn't deserve you, or your baby's love! Move on, focus on the future, and things will get better. I really encourage you to go to church, get close to God, He can heal your heart :) Lots of blessings!!! :)
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ok, so all of my questions have been about this jerk, but here goes again because I am confused and hurt... so in the beginning my ex and I lived together almost 2 years... I got pregnant, a week later we lost the apartment (he lost his job back in December and then unemployment ran out so we couldn't afford it) then he dumped me, but begged me back and I said yes to be dumped again 3 days later (all that in early August). Well now things are even worse. He has played mind games and confused the crap out of me. He went with to my appointment on August 13th and seemed excited to see the ultrasound and he even told the doctor he wants a boy and he was actually helping me despite living 2 hours away. He called often and when he was at his dad's (only 10 minutes away from where I live) he would hang out with me and buy me stuff. Then things got bad again. He left back to his moms and his calls got less frequent and I couldn't even reach him. Then he came back the week of his birthday to get more of his stuff from his dad's house to move to his mom's (2hrs away). His 22nd birthday was August 26th. We hung out the day after his birthday and I bought him shoes and we went out to dinner. We discussed the things that went wrong in our relationship and we both agreed that right now there was no point to be together when we needed to work on ourselves to correct the problems if we ever wanted a future. We even discussed names for the baby and he mentioned something about if we ever have more kids we can name them all these other things... well, he left back to his mom's house the next day and then started ignoring me which made me crazy (obviously I am hormonal, too, so being ignored didn't help and I flipped out and called too much and sent too many messages, etc) well, he finally gets back to me that Tuesday and says we will talk later about all of this and he said he has been there for me when he was at his dads and bought me stuff and whatnot. Then he sent me a message on Facebook saying that he knew I had moved on and had someone else and that it upset him but he would get over it. I sent him back a message saying that was not the case and that, yea guys like me even though they know I am pregnant, but I haven't done anything with them. Well, he continued to ignore me after that and I didn't understand why. I got pissed again and told him that if he wanted to just ignore me that I wanted all my stuff back and that I had hung out with some new people and some of them were guys. I got ignored and ignored and ignored and then the following Tuesday I finally reach him and he gets all pissed at me and tells me he hopes my dating life is going good because he has been seeing someone down by his mom's house. I was really upset by this and sent him a million facebook messages calling him an a**hole and asking him why would he tell me he doesn't want me to move on and that he still cares and it would hurt him if I had someone else and he said he didn't know. The next day he sent the following message to me because I told him I can't leave him alone and we NEED to discuss the child... "yeah u can leave me alone please stop writing me i dont wanna talk to you.. i have a date in like 30 mins and hopefully i can get lucky again tonight!! so yeah keep ur head up and well U R gonna have a baby im gonna live life and man has it been great these last couple weeks!I dont really know what u want me too say so i hope ur dating life is going as good as u said cause ur gonna need a baby daddy im just gonna pay my share." I honestly vomited all over myself when I read this and I couldn't breathe. I then blacked out and got severely depressed. I sent him messages back after I calmed down telling him he was a pathetic slut and how could he do that to anyone and that he was just trying to hurt me and make me jealous and it was sad and I asked him how he could possibly treat me like that after such a long relationship and after being there and saying he wanted to be with me. Then I blocked him on facebook, but I regretted it by that Friday and sent him a message asking him how he could be so cruel to which I got the reply ,"u def should go on dates and fuck people cause i am and its really sad u think i love u still i havent in more than a year but this is for realz ami so do what u gotta do i only pretended to love u for the kids name that was it but now i dont care nor do i want it or you im done i have moved on and advise u to do the same it wasnt fun while it lasted and if i had any commonsense i would have left ur ass a long time ago so this is it goodbye man! p.s. please stop writing me or trying to get a hold of me i do not wanna talk to u EVER so please just stop i will contact u when im in town and have ur shit together." I am so confused and heartbroken at this point. He has not talked to me at all since and its been almost 3 weeks. I am also really pissed off because all of that was over facebook and he didn't even have the balls to call me or speak to me face to face. He has blocked me and has no phone so I can't even reach him and I am so mad. I just don't understand. We were best friends for 2 years before we got together and we had talked about marriage and he told me earlier this year in like May that he wanted to be with me and he wanted kids soon and then I got pregnant and everything changed. I just don't understand at all. I spoke to his mom (which he told me she hated me bc of a thing I did that is explained in a prior question) and she told me that he doesn't know what he wants, but when they were at the Chicago Bears training camp thing in early August he was telling everyone he still loved me and he missed me. She also said he wants to go to the army, but she doesn't even know if thats what he really wants. she told me I am in a way better place in my life and that she doesn't understand why he is being such a jerk. I also spoke to his dad and his dad said he does have a female friend down there, but he doesnt know if they are together and he doesn't know if my ex just said those things to be a jerk. He also asked me why I would want to be with someone who doesn't even respect me and said "I mean, its my son and I think he is being an a**hole." So both of his parents dont agree with his behavior, but he spends a lot of time with his sister cuz she lives down by his mom and she hates me. She has convinced him I am a terrible person, I am sure and she refuses to take blame in anything she has done to cause this situation (explained in prior question)... After he was down there he told me I was having this kid to trap him (not true, I got pregnant out of LOVE with a man I thought loved me, too plus we already aborted our first child and it made me seriously depressed) and he also said that he doesn't know if its his kid because we got in a nasty fight around the time of conception and he left for the night, but came back the next day and I stayed at the neighbors house because I was completely distraught, but I slept on the couch and NOTHING happened so it hurts. I have never been unfaithful. He has also never cheated the whole time we were together, even when we broke up for 2 weeks earlier this year in March he still called me everyday and I still spent the night at our apartment 3 days a week so it wasn't like we were really even broken up. I am so confused and hurt and I don't know if he really has someone or not, but he has been ignoring me for almost a month now and it hurts like hell. I have stopped trying to contact him and at this point I don't even know if its worth it to try to make things work if he does come around. I am in love with him still and I wish he would consider my health when he chooses to say and do such mean things while I am pregnant. I just don't get it. His mom and dad both think he will come around when he sees the baby if not sooner, but I dont want to wait around holding my breath for some douche that can't even see the awesome woman he had. I am smart, creative, dependable, responsible... I am graduating college in December, I have maintained my job for 5 years now, I have 2 internships for my final quarter in school... I am pretty... guys like me... I don't understand why HE doesn't see this. He is so lucky to have had me. Especially considering he didn't graduate high school, has no job, has no drivers license, nothing. He just resented me because I couldn't pay half the rent while I was in college and he hated being broke and it caused a lot of problems, but now I am about to graduate and he could have been a stay at home dad while I focused on my career. I had no problem being the bread winner, in fact, I kind of always wanted to be the head of household because my mom set that example for me by being one herself. So I guess I just need advice, or someone that can relate, or some sort of understanding as to what his problem is. Is this all stemming from jealousy on his part that other guys are interested in me despite me being pregnant now that he dumped me? How long should I just let him ignore me? I kind of need to know things about what he plans his role to be because he tells his family that he wants to be in the kids life and be there for the baby, yet he doesn't care about my health during pregnancy when it affects the child... I just don't know anymore. I also sometimes think that maybe one day we could try to have a 2nd chance, I would like a normal family and I think he is super scared right now too since he has nothing going for him but his looks... I also know that you can't try to build your 2nd chance on the 1st rocky foundation, it has to be completely destroyed and paved over to create a stronger foundation... is that just me being hopefully ignorant? I don't know what to do. I keep living my life and going to school and hanging out with friends and I want him to see that my life goes on without him because I don't want to feed his ego anymore and make him think he can just do whatever. Please help. Oh, and as far as ages, I am 24 and he JUST turned 22 and I know younger males freak out more easily. Please help!! p.s. sorry this is ridiculously long, I have been marinating in misery and have been trying to find answers since he sent that message, but I couldn't find anyone whose situation was like mine so I needed to get all the details out for the best help... I chose the abortion at the time because I was still in college and he and I were in a band together and we wanted to continue pursuing the music thing. He supported my decision either way at that time. He also knew I wasn't on birth control because it messed with my body too much, but its not like he wore condoms, and we always said if I DID get pregnant again we would keep it. So I didn't try to trap him at all. We made the baby out of love. I didn't choose to keep this baby because I wanted to trap him. I chose to keep it because after I aborted the first one I realized I was a horrible person and that everything deserves a chance at life. My abortion made me pro-life, sorry, not a trap, but thanks for your input cuz he is a total jerk. and the abortion was last year in March... this year he was saying how he wanted kids. So, he obviously DID want to have kids with me but then I actually got pregnant and he freaked out, but he also talked at the beginning of this pregnancy about kids he wanted to have with me AFTER this kid. So, its definitely not trapping. And at this point I am confused on whether I even want him to be a part of this at all because I don't want to go to court for the next 18 years figuring out visitations/child support/etc. I'd rather he signed away his rights completely because I don't need him. I am the one who has my life in check, he is the one all over the place. sorry, I didn't know what TTC was... but I wasn't exactly trying. The old pull out method just isn't that effective. And I kind of think he tried to get me pregnant because one night he KNEW I wasn't on birth control and he decided to not pull out for whatever reason, well, duh... of course when you don't even try to pull out you are going to probably for sure get the chick pregnant.
Pregnancy - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm really sorry..I'm sure you're very hurt.. it's the best if you leave him alone..for you and your child. stress on baby isn't good.
2 :
bottom line, this guy is a loser and obviously young. he does not know what he wants out of life. you need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU and your BABY!!!! You two are the only people that count! Believe me when I say that I know your pain, I do. And please learn from my mistakes. Ignore him. I used to keep a notebook of everytime I wanted to talk to him, and I'd write it down instead of call/see him. You have reached a point that all women reach when pregnant (with supportive men or not) - YOU are now the responsible one because YOU are all that baby has. Worrying about a jerk, will only make you sad and put a strain on your body. Move on. The future is not set in stone. If he's meant to come around, he will. In the meantime focus all that love on that baby!!!!!
3 :
OMG your poor kid. At least you have it in writing that he wants nothing to do with the child, and that he will pay his share. Take him up on that. I don't care how freaked out he might be about this pregnancy this guy is obviously a huge jerk and you should move on. He is obviously not the man you thought he was, grieve, then let him go and worry about you and your baby. Did he know you were TTC? Cause if he didn't then yes, that's trapping. Especially after it was clear from your abortion he didn't want to have kids with you.
4 :
Oh my....I'm so sorry for you! But the others have said it all by now...he's immature, he is basically a jerk who has no idea what to do with his life, and clearly doesn't want the responsibility of being a father. Tell me, is that what you want for YOUR life? I mean, I know everyone tells you to think about your baby, and it's true!, but, your own feelings and life is a stake here too! Do you really want him to come back and say "I'm sorry", and get back to you? Do you truly think that will be it and he will be miracoulusly happy and ready to be a father and husband/life partner??? I don't think so...and deep inside, you know he's not. So, I think you should try to get some kind of professional help, or a counselor, go to church, talk to your pastor/priest, someone who can help you and guide you to overcome this problem....and focus on YOUR life and YOUR BABY. Don't let this jerk ruin your life and your pregnancy...move on, don't beg him for love or attention...he clearly doesn't deserve you, or your baby's love! Move on, focus on the future, and things will get better. I really encourage you to go to church, get close to God, He can heal your heart :) Lots of blessings!!! :)
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Monday, October 14, 2013
Why Is He Ignoring Me?
Why Is He Ignoring Me?
A couple of weeks ago I hung out with this guy and he stayed over my house for a few days. We hung out with my friends just to introduce him to them so we went to dinner together and watched a movie. The next day we ended up going to the zoo and later that night he left so that was the last time I saw him. I have been seeing this guy for over three years and basically its just an open ended relationship. A couple of times he wanted to discuss our 'relationship' because was at a point worried that he was going to lose me and said he couldn't sleep with anyone else. Also he has asked me to move in with him at a point and once asked me to his girlfriend but that was when he was drunk. I didn't know how to take it so I asked to ask me another time because he was really wasted. So we do act like a couple around others like kiss, hold hands, cuddle, and ect. After that I haven't really heard from him since. Except he sent me an e-mail on facebook wishing me a happy birthday and asked if he left his charger at my place. I didn't have his charger and then I asked him if he wanted to see a certain movie. But he said no and instead he wanted to see Harry Potter which comes out this week but at that time it was coming out in two weeks. So it was a really long period to wait and see each other. Finally I started talking to him this Sunday asking if we were still going to the movie but he said "yeah sure but idk about opening night because it will be packed." I then replied back asking what day we should go and also asked him if he would like to come over. I haven't gotten a reply and its been a few days! I know thats not really a long waiting period but he's been on facebook. He updates his status like about his phone and how he was getting a new charger last Friday. Thats why I didn't call him because his phone couldn't be charged. Also recently he put a quote saying "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control." I honestly don't think thats for me and I have no idea what is going on. Like did I do something? did he find someone? I have no idea what to do in a situation where the guy is clearly online but won't reply to my message. Please Help?
Singles & Dating - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Stop caring. Stop caring about everything. Nothing in the world is good.
2 :
Tell him you want to discuss your relationship in person and have him come meet your somewhere (if its as far as i think maybe a small meeting point halfway). If he has found another person then i am sorry for the pain you have went through but if it's not he may just be having cold feet
3 :
This is going no where. Why would you waste your time on fretting and typing about someone who is not interested in you. You are special. Go out with friends and socialize. You will meet someone ready to have fun.
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A couple of weeks ago I hung out with this guy and he stayed over my house for a few days. We hung out with my friends just to introduce him to them so we went to dinner together and watched a movie. The next day we ended up going to the zoo and later that night he left so that was the last time I saw him. I have been seeing this guy for over three years and basically its just an open ended relationship. A couple of times he wanted to discuss our 'relationship' because was at a point worried that he was going to lose me and said he couldn't sleep with anyone else. Also he has asked me to move in with him at a point and once asked me to his girlfriend but that was when he was drunk. I didn't know how to take it so I asked to ask me another time because he was really wasted. So we do act like a couple around others like kiss, hold hands, cuddle, and ect. After that I haven't really heard from him since. Except he sent me an e-mail on facebook wishing me a happy birthday and asked if he left his charger at my place. I didn't have his charger and then I asked him if he wanted to see a certain movie. But he said no and instead he wanted to see Harry Potter which comes out this week but at that time it was coming out in two weeks. So it was a really long period to wait and see each other. Finally I started talking to him this Sunday asking if we were still going to the movie but he said "yeah sure but idk about opening night because it will be packed." I then replied back asking what day we should go and also asked him if he would like to come over. I haven't gotten a reply and its been a few days! I know thats not really a long waiting period but he's been on facebook. He updates his status like about his phone and how he was getting a new charger last Friday. Thats why I didn't call him because his phone couldn't be charged. Also recently he put a quote saying "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control." I honestly don't think thats for me and I have no idea what is going on. Like did I do something? did he find someone? I have no idea what to do in a situation where the guy is clearly online but won't reply to my message. Please Help?
Singles & Dating - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Stop caring. Stop caring about everything. Nothing in the world is good.
2 :
Tell him you want to discuss your relationship in person and have him come meet your somewhere (if its as far as i think maybe a small meeting point halfway). If he has found another person then i am sorry for the pain you have went through but if it's not he may just be having cold feet
3 :
This is going no where. Why would you waste your time on fretting and typing about someone who is not interested in you. You are special. Go out with friends and socialize. You will meet someone ready to have fun.
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Monday, October 7, 2013
Does Vector Marketing reward their employees for recommending people to hire or something?
Does Vector Marketing reward their employees for recommending people to hire or something?
Hi, I received a phone call from a local cell phone number yesterday. On the other end was a bubbly, young teenage-sounding girl, telling me that an ex-classmate I graduated with a year ago recommended me to work at her new job, claiming that I "would like the extra money". I told her to call back later because I had just woken up and wasn't prepared to discuss it at the moment. I messaged my ex-classmate on Facebook (who is NOT my Facebook friend, and has no contact with me whatsoever, but somehow got my phone number), telling her that I got a phone call vaguely telling me I was recommended and I had no idea who the person was or what the job was. She then told me that she just got a job at Vector Marketing selling knives, and some spiel about how it's a great opportunity and so forth. I've already been looking up Vector online and read mixed opinions about the company and nothing but arguments back and forth, so I'm not looking for comments like "IT'S A SCAM BECAUSE ______" or "IT'S NOT A SCAM BEACUSE _____". I want to know why she would even bother recommending me, because I haven't spoken to her in over a year, and I don't even know what possessed to her recommend me, unless she just named off a bunch of people she knew from high school that still lived in the area. I'm not interested in that kind of job, so I'm not dealing with them, but I was curious as to if they demanded employees to recruit new people, or if they were rewarded for it, etc. etc. If you absolutely have to share your experience with Vector, please do, but it's not going to influence me to accept their phone calls and actually work for them. That's just not the kind of thing I'm into, whether you're promised a lot of money or not. Thanks in advance.
Marketing & Sales - 1 Answers
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1 :
None of the Vector (Cutco) materials mention "referral" fees paid to employees. But they probably do ask for the names of potential employees. So your call was from a telemarketer for the company who was not getting a referral fee. She was getting a paycheck for calling a "lead". There might be a new "lead-generating" reward for employees that is not advertised
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Hi, I received a phone call from a local cell phone number yesterday. On the other end was a bubbly, young teenage-sounding girl, telling me that an ex-classmate I graduated with a year ago recommended me to work at her new job, claiming that I "would like the extra money". I told her to call back later because I had just woken up and wasn't prepared to discuss it at the moment. I messaged my ex-classmate on Facebook (who is NOT my Facebook friend, and has no contact with me whatsoever, but somehow got my phone number), telling her that I got a phone call vaguely telling me I was recommended and I had no idea who the person was or what the job was. She then told me that she just got a job at Vector Marketing selling knives, and some spiel about how it's a great opportunity and so forth. I've already been looking up Vector online and read mixed opinions about the company and nothing but arguments back and forth, so I'm not looking for comments like "IT'S A SCAM BECAUSE ______" or "IT'S NOT A SCAM BEACUSE _____". I want to know why she would even bother recommending me, because I haven't spoken to her in over a year, and I don't even know what possessed to her recommend me, unless she just named off a bunch of people she knew from high school that still lived in the area. I'm not interested in that kind of job, so I'm not dealing with them, but I was curious as to if they demanded employees to recruit new people, or if they were rewarded for it, etc. etc. If you absolutely have to share your experience with Vector, please do, but it's not going to influence me to accept their phone calls and actually work for them. That's just not the kind of thing I'm into, whether you're promised a lot of money or not. Thanks in advance.
Marketing & Sales - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
None of the Vector (Cutco) materials mention "referral" fees paid to employees. But they probably do ask for the names of potential employees. So your call was from a telemarketer for the company who was not getting a referral fee. She was getting a paycheck for calling a "lead". There might be a new "lead-generating" reward for employees that is not advertised
Read more other entries :
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Getting my nephew back in the family?
Getting my nephew back in the family?
Ok condensed family history first. In the 70's my parents aren't married to each other. Dad is married, has a son, gets divorced. In the late 80's my mom and he are dating. She is working as a nurse and I'm a baby born to a drunk who attacked police when they came to get me from being left alone. She couldn't have kids so she and Dad married and adopted me. Fast forward to 1998. I knew my half brother (who henceforth I'll call brother.) 'Mike' from when I was very young but he had too many wild years. He became estranged from Dad and they saw each other once in like 7 years or so. In 1998 we get a call through the grapevine that Mike was killed on a hunting trip. Shot in the face with a hunting rifle in a house by his two 'buddies' who he owed money. They claimed accident. The judge claimed BS. I am 11 years old as this goes on. The trial brings the extended family of half siblings and Dad's ex back to the state etc... They get sent away on manslaughter. Total bull. It was at this time we learned he'd had a son named 'Danny'. If memory serves Mike and 'Anne' were not married, but were living together. Danny did not have the family last name, rather, hers. Don't know if it was always like that or just post Mike's death. For a while my dad got to know his young grandson, and me, my nephew. Then Anne said she wanted to move on as this would be hard on Danny etc... I don't remember all the details as she discussed them with my folks. We haven't seen or heard from them in ten years. Now I remember she runs a small business an hour away. I have googled her and she isn't on facebook but I've found through various places on the web she married and had two kids and I found Danny on a school's baseball website with her new last name. I'd like to go into her business as a customer, tell her who I am (I'm sure she wouldn't recognize me), and just make a simple plea to consider the fact that my dad turned 60 this year and is only getting older, while he still smokes. Yes it may be complicated for him to potentially have up to 3 sets of grandparents but it's the right thing for them to have a connection. Selfishly, I'd like to be an uncle. I don't have any other siblings. Then I'll leave either way. No muss, no fuss. Just talk to her. I'm about the age she was she met my brother I believe so... Thoughts? I mean she could say I'm harassing her once she knows it's me.
Family - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It depends on how you approach her. It's worth a try, since it's THAT important to you and your dad. :)
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Ok condensed family history first. In the 70's my parents aren't married to each other. Dad is married, has a son, gets divorced. In the late 80's my mom and he are dating. She is working as a nurse and I'm a baby born to a drunk who attacked police when they came to get me from being left alone. She couldn't have kids so she and Dad married and adopted me. Fast forward to 1998. I knew my half brother (who henceforth I'll call brother.) 'Mike' from when I was very young but he had too many wild years. He became estranged from Dad and they saw each other once in like 7 years or so. In 1998 we get a call through the grapevine that Mike was killed on a hunting trip. Shot in the face with a hunting rifle in a house by his two 'buddies' who he owed money. They claimed accident. The judge claimed BS. I am 11 years old as this goes on. The trial brings the extended family of half siblings and Dad's ex back to the state etc... They get sent away on manslaughter. Total bull. It was at this time we learned he'd had a son named 'Danny'. If memory serves Mike and 'Anne' were not married, but were living together. Danny did not have the family last name, rather, hers. Don't know if it was always like that or just post Mike's death. For a while my dad got to know his young grandson, and me, my nephew. Then Anne said she wanted to move on as this would be hard on Danny etc... I don't remember all the details as she discussed them with my folks. We haven't seen or heard from them in ten years. Now I remember she runs a small business an hour away. I have googled her and she isn't on facebook but I've found through various places on the web she married and had two kids and I found Danny on a school's baseball website with her new last name. I'd like to go into her business as a customer, tell her who I am (I'm sure she wouldn't recognize me), and just make a simple plea to consider the fact that my dad turned 60 this year and is only getting older, while he still smokes. Yes it may be complicated for him to potentially have up to 3 sets of grandparents but it's the right thing for them to have a connection. Selfishly, I'd like to be an uncle. I don't have any other siblings. Then I'll leave either way. No muss, no fuss. Just talk to her. I'm about the age she was she met my brother I believe so... Thoughts? I mean she could say I'm harassing her once she knows it's me.
Family - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It depends on how you approach her. It's worth a try, since it's THAT important to you and your dad. :)
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Saturday, September 28, 2013
How can I stop being jealous? Paranoid jealous?
How can I stop being jealous? Paranoid jealous?
Quick summary of the bits you need to know: My boyfriend had a really bad bout of manic bipolar this past summer. The mania got really bad and he left me then hooked up with a girl from high school that he had started talking to a lot on FB. We got back together said he had changed his ways. I believed him and it was true. Don't worry about details, just know where I'm coming from. Now we've been so busy with work and school and family that I feel we've grown apart since we haven't been seeing each other lately. He's moving into a new apartment, he heard it was available cause it was owned by this acquaintance of his on FB a couple weeks before. He gets it, Moves in, now when he posts something about it she's always got 2 cents to put. And is talking about how her ex boyfriend put the dents in the front door, and how he's jealous of my boyfriend because he's crazy and thinks they are cheating together. 1) I really don't like them talking about this all over facebook. 2) I am very jealous and it was the end of me and my boyfriends date night tonight and he reads the newest comment from her and answers it. Then when I'm telling him goodnight I see that just before he texted me he replied to another one of her comments. I know he's not cheating on me, because she moved 2000 miles away. But how can I get rid of this paranoia that he's going to leave me or she's trying to pry him away from me. I just find it so rude that they're discussing cheating and shit all over facebook and I can't seem to look away. It's really upsetting me, which I know is wrong and I want to know how to stop! Should I ask her to not talk about that stuff? Also I can't really confront him about it, because I trust him and I see him trying to steer the convo away but she keeps bringing up details and stuff. And if i were to confront him he would see it as I don't trust him. I really want to know how to either get rid of this ridiculous paranoid jealousy or how to stop this discussion of theirs if that's what you feel is necessary.
Psychology - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Jealousy is a useless emotion. It doesn't help you or the person your involved with. And it looks bad. There's no concrete advice that's gonna help you with this powerfully negative emotion. All I can tell you is this..try to care a little less. Whatever happens is going to happen no matter what. And jealousy is only going to give the bearer grief, sadness, and the feeling that your losing control. Why let this person have that much power over you? Be strong and listen to your head not your heart. Unless you wanna continue to surround yourself with never ending drama? Good luck to you
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Quick summary of the bits you need to know: My boyfriend had a really bad bout of manic bipolar this past summer. The mania got really bad and he left me then hooked up with a girl from high school that he had started talking to a lot on FB. We got back together said he had changed his ways. I believed him and it was true. Don't worry about details, just know where I'm coming from. Now we've been so busy with work and school and family that I feel we've grown apart since we haven't been seeing each other lately. He's moving into a new apartment, he heard it was available cause it was owned by this acquaintance of his on FB a couple weeks before. He gets it, Moves in, now when he posts something about it she's always got 2 cents to put. And is talking about how her ex boyfriend put the dents in the front door, and how he's jealous of my boyfriend because he's crazy and thinks they are cheating together. 1) I really don't like them talking about this all over facebook. 2) I am very jealous and it was the end of me and my boyfriends date night tonight and he reads the newest comment from her and answers it. Then when I'm telling him goodnight I see that just before he texted me he replied to another one of her comments. I know he's not cheating on me, because she moved 2000 miles away. But how can I get rid of this paranoia that he's going to leave me or she's trying to pry him away from me. I just find it so rude that they're discussing cheating and shit all over facebook and I can't seem to look away. It's really upsetting me, which I know is wrong and I want to know how to stop! Should I ask her to not talk about that stuff? Also I can't really confront him about it, because I trust him and I see him trying to steer the convo away but she keeps bringing up details and stuff. And if i were to confront him he would see it as I don't trust him. I really want to know how to either get rid of this ridiculous paranoid jealousy or how to stop this discussion of theirs if that's what you feel is necessary.
Psychology - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Jealousy is a useless emotion. It doesn't help you or the person your involved with. And it looks bad. There's no concrete advice that's gonna help you with this powerfully negative emotion. All I can tell you is this..try to care a little less. Whatever happens is going to happen no matter what. And jealousy is only going to give the bearer grief, sadness, and the feeling that your losing control. Why let this person have that much power over you? Be strong and listen to your head not your heart. Unless you wanna continue to surround yourself with never ending drama? Good luck to you
Read more other entries :
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Husband issues-- what's really going on?
Husband issues-- what's really going on?
My husband has been acting very strange lately. We are actively trying to get pregnant. He is a physician so he has to work long hours, which I know stresses him out. The problem is, he is being very weird about things lately. The thing that set him off today was that I posted a link to a car I want to get (not realistic at the moment) on Facebook. I know I'm not getting a new car anytime soon, but I always do stuff like that on facebook-- it's fun to post things you like and all my friends do it. He got really mad about it and said that he wanted me to remove all of "his friends" from my facebook account because he didn't want them seeing things like that, which makes no sense to me. He also has been making me buy a lot of things lately. I own a store which hasn't made money yet (it's in it's first year) so I haven't been able to pay myself a salary yet. I make money by selling clothes and merchandise on ebay. Even though I do that, I still don't have much money personally. He will make me go spend $100 on groceries twice a week, plus pay both our cell phone bills and anything else I need to buy. The thing that makes me really upset is that he spends his own money frivolously on all sorts of stuff. He buys sports memorabilia, jetskis, home stereo equipment, a 70" TV, and other things like that. If I ever want to go shopping or anything, I have to use my own money. He never buys me anything "unnecessary". He never buys me birthday or anniversary gifts. I am just starting to feel like he doesn't really care and that I'm just the trophy wife. I really feel like I don't matter to him anymore, and he doesn't care about me as a person. He wants to have a baby as much as I do, but I feel like he just wants me to be the "birth mother". I am getting very depressed about it and don't know what to do. I know I may sound spoiled, but he's not being a proper husband. He doesn't pay any attention to me, interrupts me when I'm talking, and never lets me watch what I want to on tv. Everything in our house is the way he wants it and I have no say. If I move some furniture around, he'll make me move it back. I just don't know what to do or how to discuss this with him. He's a great guy when he pays attention to me, but it seems like he gets so wrapped up in his own life that he forgets that I have feelings too. It's true that he does pay MOST of the bills. He knows that I don't have the means to support myself fully, let alone chip in and help pay the mortgage. If I was making money, believe me, I would. I bought the store as an investment in OUR future, so that I would have an income. We do live separate lives. It's so frustrating to me because he sees no need to give me access to HIS bank account or HIS money. I know that he does pay for most things, but if I were a stay at home mom like my mom was, wouldn't he have to pay all of it? I just don't understand my life. Who said I married him for money? I don't need his money-- my parents have enough of it, I could have stayed with them. He was a different person when I married him.
Marriage & Divorce - 18 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
talk to him. who knows what's going through his brain.
2 :
talk to him about it and make him see.... what i have never been able to understand is why are you guys living "separate" lives when ur MARRIED? you guys should be paying bills together, go shopping together. there shoulnt be "his money" "your money". UR MARRIED and need to work together and make decisions.... and be supportive. so again i dont know how to help, i would just go talk to him, work on your marriage a little more before you have a child. you dont want to drag a kid in the combo if ur dealing with this kind of stuff.
3 :
whose paying your mortgage? your car? the important bill...he probably feels since he is putting a roof over your head then his deed is done. or like u should earn your own way. why would u try and get pegnant with someone who puts you down all the time and doesnt sound like he loves you? you sound like my grandma who is 85, miserable but a trophy wife. the facebook thing is wierd too he sounds controlling and possesive. doesnt he have sick patients to worry about? what a wierdo!!! I think you should communicate to him that you are not happy!
4 :
He doesn't see you as an equal which is not good. His reaction to the car thing was very immature. I have a long wish list that I know I will never get but it will never stop me from dreaming...he needs to grow up.
5 :
You must confront him. Talk back, complain, let him know how you feel about the relationship. Yes that might be risky but unless you take some risks the relationship will stagnate. Unless you are able to make him sit down and discuss some of the problems you have with him, nothing will change. This is how most marriages fail: one party fails to speak up. Do you really want him to determine your life? You must let him know what you expect. Check out my source and find out "How to Blow Your Top Safely."
6 :
Why did you marry him in the first place? Was it because he's a doctor? That's what you get when you marry for money. You should tell him you want to go to school and get a degree. That way, if the marriage ends, you'll have something to fall back on. I'm sure he could pay for schooling since it would help you make more money in the long run.
7 :
You need to tell him either he straighten his s.h.i.t out or you divorce him because you're not putting up with this crap.
8 :
i could not get past a grown women being on facebook interesting...and very telling
9 :
How long is "lately"? This guy is a classic control freak. Things are only going to get worse. If you aren't pregnant yet, then stop actively trying to get pregant. Get some BCPs if you have to. You are probably more right about just being the birth mother than you think. Make a plan, and then get out from this marriage. Control freaks gradually alienate you from your friends, family, and co-workers, until they are your only source of emotional support. Then they control you. Get out of this ASAP - otherwise, I can guarantee you'll wind up miserable.
10 :
wow this guy sounds like a dick, forget having ne kids with this asshole dump his ass and move on.
11 :
If you are NOT happy, DO NOT bring a child into the situation, try marital counseling and other resources, and if that works, great, but if it does not then it is time for a change. Please do not put a child in a situation of unhappiness, they do not ask to be born, and they do not deserve to be abused, or treated unfairly in any way. Tami Pepperman Victim/Child Advocate tamikay23@hotmail.com
12 :
get a journal , Works wonders in court! FOR EVERYTHING !!
13 :
let's be clear - people are what they are - they DO NOT CHANGE!! so if you don't like the way he is treating you and you have tried to explain it to him you have two choices - 1- accept him for what he is - selfish and self centered or 2- dump his butt
14 :
Seems controlling...I'm there not to the same extent but I"m there.
15 :
Yeah, he doesn't sound like a partner in a marriage does he. I would put the pregnancy plans on hold until he changes his ways. You could tell him that he needs to start being a true spouse or you will divorce him and take half of it all. And since you do not have any income, he will be paying you spousal support depending what state you live in. The majority of your marital assets(cash, cars, property, investements) should be in joint accounts and separate, equally funded individual accounts. He doesn't realize that half of everything he makes is yours does he? Make him understand that and things should start to change. If not, divorce papers and see what kind of tune he sings. You deserve better, he's holding you hostage via finances and is an abusive behavior. You're his wife! He needs to treat you as such.
16 :
You are just plain going to have to tell him you need to talk to him seriously, & set aside a specific day & time to do it. Don't let him wangle out of it, but it is necessary for you to have your say in just how you feel & what your feelings are. No, he is NOT treating you fairly from all you described. I mean come on, you live there too, you sure should at least have some say in where you at least want to move a piece of furniture! I'd tell him that at times, you wonder what you're even doing there, what good are you actually to him. He leads your very life & it seems like you cannot do anything w/o his approval. Even as far as telling you what to do on the computer. What does it matter what you put on it as long as you're not playing around or cheating on him. He should have no say in those ridiculous things he's nit picking on. I don't know what type practice he has, but if he keeps it up, he needs to go to a "head Dr." himself! You must talk to him & tell him how you at least feel about EVERYTHING. I'd even go as far as to tell him if he keeps putting you last in everything he does, that you're seriously thinking of going out on your own & finding someone who just might appreciate you more, someone who would at least treat you like a "normal" human being. You cannot keep being his personal puppet all your lives together. This is just not fair nor is it even normal. To be honest, I'd even think twice first about having this baby w/him. Is it just going to make matters better, or is it actually going to make matters worse! Give that one a good tho't too before you bring a child into the world & end up having a child suffer for it also. You've got to get these issues straightened out first before you have this child. You stated that he's a great guy when he pays attention to you, but just how often is that, or when is that?! You've got to lay all your cards out on the table & get things straightened out, & I wouldn't put it off. Now is the time. All the best to you...:)
17 :
Talk to him, and ask him why your buying everything when your in this relationship together. After all, you ARE both in this relationship. Partners have there fair share on money if they ARE fair. You could pay the cell phone bill for you, and buy the groceries on what you need rather than a set limit each week. And he could pay his cell phone bill, and pay the 2nd lot of shopping. I don't think your ready for a baby yet. I'd wait till the sea's less stormy. As in, your relationship isn't so rocky. You need to understand that having a baby won't heal this relationship, usually when adults have them through rough patches in a relationship, it makes it worse. Good luck!
18 :
People invest their money and time in things they care about. If he isnt investing either in you - then he isnt being the husband you will need if youhave a child together. Better tell him now - give him a chance to change. People can and do change -
Read more other entries :
My husband has been acting very strange lately. We are actively trying to get pregnant. He is a physician so he has to work long hours, which I know stresses him out. The problem is, he is being very weird about things lately. The thing that set him off today was that I posted a link to a car I want to get (not realistic at the moment) on Facebook. I know I'm not getting a new car anytime soon, but I always do stuff like that on facebook-- it's fun to post things you like and all my friends do it. He got really mad about it and said that he wanted me to remove all of "his friends" from my facebook account because he didn't want them seeing things like that, which makes no sense to me. He also has been making me buy a lot of things lately. I own a store which hasn't made money yet (it's in it's first year) so I haven't been able to pay myself a salary yet. I make money by selling clothes and merchandise on ebay. Even though I do that, I still don't have much money personally. He will make me go spend $100 on groceries twice a week, plus pay both our cell phone bills and anything else I need to buy. The thing that makes me really upset is that he spends his own money frivolously on all sorts of stuff. He buys sports memorabilia, jetskis, home stereo equipment, a 70" TV, and other things like that. If I ever want to go shopping or anything, I have to use my own money. He never buys me anything "unnecessary". He never buys me birthday or anniversary gifts. I am just starting to feel like he doesn't really care and that I'm just the trophy wife. I really feel like I don't matter to him anymore, and he doesn't care about me as a person. He wants to have a baby as much as I do, but I feel like he just wants me to be the "birth mother". I am getting very depressed about it and don't know what to do. I know I may sound spoiled, but he's not being a proper husband. He doesn't pay any attention to me, interrupts me when I'm talking, and never lets me watch what I want to on tv. Everything in our house is the way he wants it and I have no say. If I move some furniture around, he'll make me move it back. I just don't know what to do or how to discuss this with him. He's a great guy when he pays attention to me, but it seems like he gets so wrapped up in his own life that he forgets that I have feelings too. It's true that he does pay MOST of the bills. He knows that I don't have the means to support myself fully, let alone chip in and help pay the mortgage. If I was making money, believe me, I would. I bought the store as an investment in OUR future, so that I would have an income. We do live separate lives. It's so frustrating to me because he sees no need to give me access to HIS bank account or HIS money. I know that he does pay for most things, but if I were a stay at home mom like my mom was, wouldn't he have to pay all of it? I just don't understand my life. Who said I married him for money? I don't need his money-- my parents have enough of it, I could have stayed with them. He was a different person when I married him.
Marriage & Divorce - 18 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
talk to him. who knows what's going through his brain.
2 :
talk to him about it and make him see.... what i have never been able to understand is why are you guys living "separate" lives when ur MARRIED? you guys should be paying bills together, go shopping together. there shoulnt be "his money" "your money". UR MARRIED and need to work together and make decisions.... and be supportive. so again i dont know how to help, i would just go talk to him, work on your marriage a little more before you have a child. you dont want to drag a kid in the combo if ur dealing with this kind of stuff.
3 :
whose paying your mortgage? your car? the important bill...he probably feels since he is putting a roof over your head then his deed is done. or like u should earn your own way. why would u try and get pegnant with someone who puts you down all the time and doesnt sound like he loves you? you sound like my grandma who is 85, miserable but a trophy wife. the facebook thing is wierd too he sounds controlling and possesive. doesnt he have sick patients to worry about? what a wierdo!!! I think you should communicate to him that you are not happy!
4 :
He doesn't see you as an equal which is not good. His reaction to the car thing was very immature. I have a long wish list that I know I will never get but it will never stop me from dreaming...he needs to grow up.
5 :
You must confront him. Talk back, complain, let him know how you feel about the relationship. Yes that might be risky but unless you take some risks the relationship will stagnate. Unless you are able to make him sit down and discuss some of the problems you have with him, nothing will change. This is how most marriages fail: one party fails to speak up. Do you really want him to determine your life? You must let him know what you expect. Check out my source and find out "How to Blow Your Top Safely."
6 :
Why did you marry him in the first place? Was it because he's a doctor? That's what you get when you marry for money. You should tell him you want to go to school and get a degree. That way, if the marriage ends, you'll have something to fall back on. I'm sure he could pay for schooling since it would help you make more money in the long run.
7 :
You need to tell him either he straighten his s.h.i.t out or you divorce him because you're not putting up with this crap.
8 :
i could not get past a grown women being on facebook interesting...and very telling
9 :
How long is "lately"? This guy is a classic control freak. Things are only going to get worse. If you aren't pregnant yet, then stop actively trying to get pregant. Get some BCPs if you have to. You are probably more right about just being the birth mother than you think. Make a plan, and then get out from this marriage. Control freaks gradually alienate you from your friends, family, and co-workers, until they are your only source of emotional support. Then they control you. Get out of this ASAP - otherwise, I can guarantee you'll wind up miserable.
10 :
wow this guy sounds like a dick, forget having ne kids with this asshole dump his ass and move on.
11 :
If you are NOT happy, DO NOT bring a child into the situation, try marital counseling and other resources, and if that works, great, but if it does not then it is time for a change. Please do not put a child in a situation of unhappiness, they do not ask to be born, and they do not deserve to be abused, or treated unfairly in any way. Tami Pepperman Victim/Child Advocate tamikay23@hotmail.com
12 :
get a journal , Works wonders in court! FOR EVERYTHING !!
13 :
let's be clear - people are what they are - they DO NOT CHANGE!! so if you don't like the way he is treating you and you have tried to explain it to him you have two choices - 1- accept him for what he is - selfish and self centered or 2- dump his butt
14 :
Seems controlling...I'm there not to the same extent but I"m there.
15 :
Yeah, he doesn't sound like a partner in a marriage does he. I would put the pregnancy plans on hold until he changes his ways. You could tell him that he needs to start being a true spouse or you will divorce him and take half of it all. And since you do not have any income, he will be paying you spousal support depending what state you live in. The majority of your marital assets(cash, cars, property, investements) should be in joint accounts and separate, equally funded individual accounts. He doesn't realize that half of everything he makes is yours does he? Make him understand that and things should start to change. If not, divorce papers and see what kind of tune he sings. You deserve better, he's holding you hostage via finances and is an abusive behavior. You're his wife! He needs to treat you as such.
16 :
You are just plain going to have to tell him you need to talk to him seriously, & set aside a specific day & time to do it. Don't let him wangle out of it, but it is necessary for you to have your say in just how you feel & what your feelings are. No, he is NOT treating you fairly from all you described. I mean come on, you live there too, you sure should at least have some say in where you at least want to move a piece of furniture! I'd tell him that at times, you wonder what you're even doing there, what good are you actually to him. He leads your very life & it seems like you cannot do anything w/o his approval. Even as far as telling you what to do on the computer. What does it matter what you put on it as long as you're not playing around or cheating on him. He should have no say in those ridiculous things he's nit picking on. I don't know what type practice he has, but if he keeps it up, he needs to go to a "head Dr." himself! You must talk to him & tell him how you at least feel about EVERYTHING. I'd even go as far as to tell him if he keeps putting you last in everything he does, that you're seriously thinking of going out on your own & finding someone who just might appreciate you more, someone who would at least treat you like a "normal" human being. You cannot keep being his personal puppet all your lives together. This is just not fair nor is it even normal. To be honest, I'd even think twice first about having this baby w/him. Is it just going to make matters better, or is it actually going to make matters worse! Give that one a good tho't too before you bring a child into the world & end up having a child suffer for it also. You've got to get these issues straightened out first before you have this child. You stated that he's a great guy when he pays attention to you, but just how often is that, or when is that?! You've got to lay all your cards out on the table & get things straightened out, & I wouldn't put it off. Now is the time. All the best to you...:)
17 :
Talk to him, and ask him why your buying everything when your in this relationship together. After all, you ARE both in this relationship. Partners have there fair share on money if they ARE fair. You could pay the cell phone bill for you, and buy the groceries on what you need rather than a set limit each week. And he could pay his cell phone bill, and pay the 2nd lot of shopping. I don't think your ready for a baby yet. I'd wait till the sea's less stormy. As in, your relationship isn't so rocky. You need to understand that having a baby won't heal this relationship, usually when adults have them through rough patches in a relationship, it makes it worse. Good luck!
18 :
People invest their money and time in things they care about. If he isnt investing either in you - then he isnt being the husband you will need if youhave a child together. Better tell him now - give him a chance to change. People can and do change -
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Saturday, September 7, 2013
Please analyze my current situation (10 pts for the most complete, well thought out answer)?
Please analyze my current situation (10 pts for the most complete, well thought out answer)?
So my ex boyfriend( who I’ll call Kevin) and I were together for a whole year. We celebrated our one-year anniversary the day before new years day. Things seemed so wonderful, but we were having certain issues that definitely needed to be addressed and resolved. We were going to work them out, we said how much we loved each other, etc. That day, he gave me a bracelet, read me a poem about how much he loved me, mentioned things we should do together in the future, etc. I know his parents had issues with me and he was somewhat influenced by them. They are very intense and get overly involved. But anyway Kevin loved me. So on New Years day after that entire day we spent together, i thought he was going to come to my house so we can discuss the problems. Instead he confusingly breaks up with me. It was pretty nasty... Later that night he said on the phone that he honestly thinks we’re just better off as friends. But since then he’s been avoiding me in school. It’s so awkward and uncomfortable if we walk past each other. I’ve waved politely, but he pretends not to see me. So a couple weeks after the break up, I visited my grandparents in Florida, which was a great getaway. I also visited my great friend Peter from my sleepaway camp. We had a thing one summer but it didn’t go that far and we’re just great friends now and both cool. So anyway I took so many pictures with him (arm-in-arm, hugging, etc. and posted them on facebook). We’re just best friends hugging, but I thought Kevin might get the wrong impression. By the way I removed my relationship status after the break up. The next day I noticed that Kevin removed me as a friend, and put that he’s in a relationship with one of his best friends Rachel. Rachel is very vulnerable and will say yes to pretty much anyone. However, Kevin has never been attracted to her and she is totally not his type like that. We haven’t really spoke since New Years day, and things just feel so uncomfortable when I see him in school. I don’t get it! He says he loves me, then he doesn’t, then he wants to be friends, now he’s shutting me out completely?!?!?! Please analyze my current situation bc I just have no closure and it’s been really difficult. Please don’t just say I need to move on bc I know I do. I’m making progress as time goes on. We’re both 16 by the way.
Singles & Dating - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
i'm going through a break up too so i know where you're coming from. chances are he saw the pictures of you being close with that guy and got jealous. i think he still loves you and is just trying to get back at you so he got a new girlfriend. he's definitely not over you. he probably meant what he said when he said he wanted to be friends but found that in reality it's much more difficult than it seems. i think you should talk to him about it. just ask what's going on with him getting a new gf and just a couple weeks earlier he proclaimed his love for you. i think he still does love you and his parents are just getting to him. i think you should talk it out.
2 :
First of all I want to say I'm sorry you're going through that...You said things were wonderful, then basically out of nowhere he breaks up with you, and that he was influenced by his parents. Maybe he talked to his parents about the problems you guys were having and since his parents had issues with you, they might have told him to break up with you or something along those lines. And him seeing the pictures on facebook he probably thought you moved on already and it probably made him sad or upset so he removed you as a friend. He might be using Rachel as a rebound girl to try and get over you. But after you guys were together for a year, I doubt that he would be over you that fast. I'm sure he still has feelings for you, he just doesn't know what to do or doesn't know how to tell you whats going on with him. Maybe you can ask a mutual friend about why he did that since he's not talking to you. Either way, I hope things work out for you and you at least get SOME closure. Good luck hun!
3 :
From my perspective of the situation it sounds like you two definitely need to talk. I don't know why he broke up with you, but if it bothers you this its something to find out. Ask him if you can talk to him alone. Try not to make it too much of an oppressive setting. Try somewhere open and airy so he doesn't feel trapped or interrogated. When you talk to him, even when you ask to talk to him, make sure you're asking and not demanding the questions be answered. Stay calm and try not to get emotional if you can help it. Crying or getting angry might push him away. Now you mentioned that the girl Rachel is one of his best friends? If they're that close its probably because they have compatible personalities. You say you don't think she's his type but maybe they really hit it off. Its hard to admit but we don't always know everything about the people we love. Also people change. Lastly, If he offers you a reason after you talk you may have to just accept it. You can tell him you don't understand and ask for further explanation. You don't want to go much farther than that though. You have to let him go. Try to salvage a friendship from this situation. I don't necessarily mean "move on" but maybe if he has enough space to move around he can move back to you. Hope this helps. Good luck and use your intuition.
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So my ex boyfriend( who I’ll call Kevin) and I were together for a whole year. We celebrated our one-year anniversary the day before new years day. Things seemed so wonderful, but we were having certain issues that definitely needed to be addressed and resolved. We were going to work them out, we said how much we loved each other, etc. That day, he gave me a bracelet, read me a poem about how much he loved me, mentioned things we should do together in the future, etc. I know his parents had issues with me and he was somewhat influenced by them. They are very intense and get overly involved. But anyway Kevin loved me. So on New Years day after that entire day we spent together, i thought he was going to come to my house so we can discuss the problems. Instead he confusingly breaks up with me. It was pretty nasty... Later that night he said on the phone that he honestly thinks we’re just better off as friends. But since then he’s been avoiding me in school. It’s so awkward and uncomfortable if we walk past each other. I’ve waved politely, but he pretends not to see me. So a couple weeks after the break up, I visited my grandparents in Florida, which was a great getaway. I also visited my great friend Peter from my sleepaway camp. We had a thing one summer but it didn’t go that far and we’re just great friends now and both cool. So anyway I took so many pictures with him (arm-in-arm, hugging, etc. and posted them on facebook). We’re just best friends hugging, but I thought Kevin might get the wrong impression. By the way I removed my relationship status after the break up. The next day I noticed that Kevin removed me as a friend, and put that he’s in a relationship with one of his best friends Rachel. Rachel is very vulnerable and will say yes to pretty much anyone. However, Kevin has never been attracted to her and she is totally not his type like that. We haven’t really spoke since New Years day, and things just feel so uncomfortable when I see him in school. I don’t get it! He says he loves me, then he doesn’t, then he wants to be friends, now he’s shutting me out completely?!?!?! Please analyze my current situation bc I just have no closure and it’s been really difficult. Please don’t just say I need to move on bc I know I do. I’m making progress as time goes on. We’re both 16 by the way.
Singles & Dating - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
i'm going through a break up too so i know where you're coming from. chances are he saw the pictures of you being close with that guy and got jealous. i think he still loves you and is just trying to get back at you so he got a new girlfriend. he's definitely not over you. he probably meant what he said when he said he wanted to be friends but found that in reality it's much more difficult than it seems. i think you should talk to him about it. just ask what's going on with him getting a new gf and just a couple weeks earlier he proclaimed his love for you. i think he still does love you and his parents are just getting to him. i think you should talk it out.
2 :
First of all I want to say I'm sorry you're going through that...You said things were wonderful, then basically out of nowhere he breaks up with you, and that he was influenced by his parents. Maybe he talked to his parents about the problems you guys were having and since his parents had issues with you, they might have told him to break up with you or something along those lines. And him seeing the pictures on facebook he probably thought you moved on already and it probably made him sad or upset so he removed you as a friend. He might be using Rachel as a rebound girl to try and get over you. But after you guys were together for a year, I doubt that he would be over you that fast. I'm sure he still has feelings for you, he just doesn't know what to do or doesn't know how to tell you whats going on with him. Maybe you can ask a mutual friend about why he did that since he's not talking to you. Either way, I hope things work out for you and you at least get SOME closure. Good luck hun!
3 :
From my perspective of the situation it sounds like you two definitely need to talk. I don't know why he broke up with you, but if it bothers you this its something to find out. Ask him if you can talk to him alone. Try not to make it too much of an oppressive setting. Try somewhere open and airy so he doesn't feel trapped or interrogated. When you talk to him, even when you ask to talk to him, make sure you're asking and not demanding the questions be answered. Stay calm and try not to get emotional if you can help it. Crying or getting angry might push him away. Now you mentioned that the girl Rachel is one of his best friends? If they're that close its probably because they have compatible personalities. You say you don't think she's his type but maybe they really hit it off. Its hard to admit but we don't always know everything about the people we love. Also people change. Lastly, If he offers you a reason after you talk you may have to just accept it. You can tell him you don't understand and ask for further explanation. You don't want to go much farther than that though. You have to let him go. Try to salvage a friendship from this situation. I don't necessarily mean "move on" but maybe if he has enough space to move around he can move back to you. Hope this helps. Good luck and use your intuition.
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Sunday, September 1, 2013
Should I be concerned or am i being stupid?
Should I be concerned or am i being stupid?
i am going out with this one guy who i really really have feelings for. we've been going out for 2 weeks almost. one day we were talking about ex-girlfriends(which i clearly is not the best topic to discuss with a new bf) and the conversation went to whats the longest relationship you've been in and his reply was 3 months. so naturally in a total casual way i asked who it was. and he put her name with a smiley face and nothing else. i found it rather odd and on her facebook there is a couple pictures where hes commented on them saying stuff like "OMG YOUR GORGEOUS" and "I missss u so much!" he put these comments on before we were going out but i cant help but feel he still may have feelings for her. am i wrong and am i thinking into it too much? because when i brought up if he still had feelings for any past relationships he said no, but its not like i was really expecting a yes out of him. no im not going out of my way to stalk anyone and their pictures, the only reason why i noticed is because she was my friend too that i haven't seen in awhile and i was going to comment on one of her pictures and happened to see it. i don't want to bring it up again because ill feel noisy. what should i do? i don't know how to feel about this. but i cant help but feel a slight bit of jealousy. mind u, they went out almost 3 years ago but the comment were this year...
Friends - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Sounds fishy, don't give him your all untill your sure you are his no 1
2 :
Of course he probably still has feelings for her. I will be honest, two weeks is not very much and it would be very natural and normal for him to still have feelings for other girls. He has not had enough time to devote all of those emotions to you yet. Be patient and let it go unless you think he is cheating. Eventually, he will grow to like you more or less and you will either get stronger or break up.
3 :
He's commented on her and how she looks. He's gotta still have feelings for her or be wouldn't have written that
4 :
Whoa @ the massive wall of text you got there. My bf is on his ex's facebook. All you needed was seven words. And yes you're being stupid.
5 :
As u know no guy can forget the ex of his life nor a girl can do. Waht u need to do is if he's a really genuine guy who has feeings fr u and devotes all his time to u then u go ahead :) give him a chance. AND please dont let ur past bother ur present, it can be worse. all the best to u both.
6 :
First of all facebook stalking is normal lol! I should know because my fiance taught me how. I love the girl I am with to death but like you if something is bothering me I will work to fix it. When I met her I noticed the same things and didnt say anything. After a month or two I said something casual about why I never comment on her pics "because it looks weird with me commenting after your ex bf". As soon as I mentioned that she deleted everything and now almost two years later we are going to ge married and she is the best thing ever. But..... Those pics and comments had to go.
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i am going out with this one guy who i really really have feelings for. we've been going out for 2 weeks almost. one day we were talking about ex-girlfriends(which i clearly is not the best topic to discuss with a new bf) and the conversation went to whats the longest relationship you've been in and his reply was 3 months. so naturally in a total casual way i asked who it was. and he put her name with a smiley face and nothing else. i found it rather odd and on her facebook there is a couple pictures where hes commented on them saying stuff like "OMG YOUR GORGEOUS" and "I missss u so much!" he put these comments on before we were going out but i cant help but feel he still may have feelings for her. am i wrong and am i thinking into it too much? because when i brought up if he still had feelings for any past relationships he said no, but its not like i was really expecting a yes out of him. no im not going out of my way to stalk anyone and their pictures, the only reason why i noticed is because she was my friend too that i haven't seen in awhile and i was going to comment on one of her pictures and happened to see it. i don't want to bring it up again because ill feel noisy. what should i do? i don't know how to feel about this. but i cant help but feel a slight bit of jealousy. mind u, they went out almost 3 years ago but the comment were this year...
Friends - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Sounds fishy, don't give him your all untill your sure you are his no 1
2 :
Of course he probably still has feelings for her. I will be honest, two weeks is not very much and it would be very natural and normal for him to still have feelings for other girls. He has not had enough time to devote all of those emotions to you yet. Be patient and let it go unless you think he is cheating. Eventually, he will grow to like you more or less and you will either get stronger or break up.
3 :
He's commented on her and how she looks. He's gotta still have feelings for her or be wouldn't have written that
4 :
Whoa @ the massive wall of text you got there. My bf is on his ex's facebook. All you needed was seven words. And yes you're being stupid.
5 :
As u know no guy can forget the ex of his life nor a girl can do. Waht u need to do is if he's a really genuine guy who has feeings fr u and devotes all his time to u then u go ahead :) give him a chance. AND please dont let ur past bother ur present, it can be worse. all the best to u both.
6 :
First of all facebook stalking is normal lol! I should know because my fiance taught me how. I love the girl I am with to death but like you if something is bothering me I will work to fix it. When I met her I noticed the same things and didnt say anything. After a month or two I said something casual about why I never comment on her pics "because it looks weird with me commenting after your ex bf". As soon as I mentioned that she deleted everything and now almost two years later we are going to ge married and she is the best thing ever. But..... Those pics and comments had to go.
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Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Strange family situation, involving adoption and new family members!?
Strange family situation, involving adoption and new family members!?
My biological parents had drug problems, so bad that I was adopted by my paternal grandfather when I was 4. I never knew that my "dad" was my "grandfather" until I was about 12, because my "mom" freaked out and never let my other family members near me or know anything about me. After "dad" and "mom" were divorced when I was 13, I was able to meet my biological father, my half brother, my uncles, and my grandma on his side of the family. When I was 15, I met a ton of people on my mom's side: grandma, 2 half sisters, 3 aunts, 1 uncle and a bazillion cousins. My mom died when I was 7, which of course I knew nothing about. It turns out that my mom had been "at the wrong place at the wrong time" and was beaten and shot to death. There were a lot of strange circumstances with her death which leads my family to believe that it was an inside job, since there was a huge lack of police involvement and paperwork. At first they tried to pass it off as a suicide, but with the angle that the bullet entered her body it would've been impossible for her to kill herself. She had 3 autopsies done. It seems as if everyone has a different view on what happened with my adoption and mom's death. Some people know more than others, and some know details that are much different than the other stories I've heard. My biological dad has agreed to go with me to the court house.. my adoption documents have been sealed, and apparently I'm the only one that can access them. AND... today I got a friend request on facebook from one of my mom's cousins on her dad's side. I haven't met anyone from that side of her family yet and I talked to her online. She seems very nice and told me a few stories about my mom when she was younger. Questions: One of my sisters and I were talking about having our mom's case put on Cold Case Files or some other forensic show in case anyone has any information about her death. How can we do this, and how do we discuss it with other members of our family without upsetting them? How, other than reading my adoption information, can I figure out what really happened with my adoption? Any advice is appreciated.
Family - 1 Answers
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1 :
do what you think is right :-)
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My biological parents had drug problems, so bad that I was adopted by my paternal grandfather when I was 4. I never knew that my "dad" was my "grandfather" until I was about 12, because my "mom" freaked out and never let my other family members near me or know anything about me. After "dad" and "mom" were divorced when I was 13, I was able to meet my biological father, my half brother, my uncles, and my grandma on his side of the family. When I was 15, I met a ton of people on my mom's side: grandma, 2 half sisters, 3 aunts, 1 uncle and a bazillion cousins. My mom died when I was 7, which of course I knew nothing about. It turns out that my mom had been "at the wrong place at the wrong time" and was beaten and shot to death. There were a lot of strange circumstances with her death which leads my family to believe that it was an inside job, since there was a huge lack of police involvement and paperwork. At first they tried to pass it off as a suicide, but with the angle that the bullet entered her body it would've been impossible for her to kill herself. She had 3 autopsies done. It seems as if everyone has a different view on what happened with my adoption and mom's death. Some people know more than others, and some know details that are much different than the other stories I've heard. My biological dad has agreed to go with me to the court house.. my adoption documents have been sealed, and apparently I'm the only one that can access them. AND... today I got a friend request on facebook from one of my mom's cousins on her dad's side. I haven't met anyone from that side of her family yet and I talked to her online. She seems very nice and told me a few stories about my mom when she was younger. Questions: One of my sisters and I were talking about having our mom's case put on Cold Case Files or some other forensic show in case anyone has any information about her death. How can we do this, and how do we discuss it with other members of our family without upsetting them? How, other than reading my adoption information, can I figure out what really happened with my adoption? Any advice is appreciated.
Family - 1 Answers
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1 :
do what you think is right :-)
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Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Boyfriend vs. new guy friend/old crush?!?
Boyfriend vs. new guy friend/old crush?!?
I have a loving boyfriend of 5 years. last fall, we had a rocky time in our relationship because i started liking a guy from my school and i felt horribly guilty about it and ended up confessing it to my boyfriend. since then, he has had slight trust issues and made me delete that guy friend from my facebook and made me promise that i didn't like him anymore and wouldn't talk to him. so i had a really hard time because i still liked the other guy (even though i hardly knew him). i talked to him a few times last fall, but then i stopped and we didn't see each other for months. last week, the guy friend, after not talking to me/seeing me for months, came up to my boyfriend and i at an awards ceremony in which i won an award and this guy congratulated me! since last week, i haven't been able to stop thinking of him. i was completely obsessed with this guy, so i emailed him a few times, without my boyfriend knowing and today, i met up with this guy for coffee to discuss forming an extracurricular group together this fall at our school. now that i've gotten a chance to talk to him more, i don't feel like i have much of a crush on this guy anymore, but i still really want to be friends with him. however, i know my boyfriend would never understand because of how i felt about this other guy last year. i feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of experiences if i didn't become friends with this other guy, but i don't know what to do about my boyfriend. i love him, but i just wish he never knew about this other guy so i could openly be friends with him and not hide things from my boyfriend. i also feel like i want more independence and not to have to tell my boyfriend everything, to be able to be friends and hang out with anyone i want to. i need something to change soon. what should i do?
Friends - 1 Answers
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1 :
you have to figure this out one your own but im sure you'll make the right desition
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I have a loving boyfriend of 5 years. last fall, we had a rocky time in our relationship because i started liking a guy from my school and i felt horribly guilty about it and ended up confessing it to my boyfriend. since then, he has had slight trust issues and made me delete that guy friend from my facebook and made me promise that i didn't like him anymore and wouldn't talk to him. so i had a really hard time because i still liked the other guy (even though i hardly knew him). i talked to him a few times last fall, but then i stopped and we didn't see each other for months. last week, the guy friend, after not talking to me/seeing me for months, came up to my boyfriend and i at an awards ceremony in which i won an award and this guy congratulated me! since last week, i haven't been able to stop thinking of him. i was completely obsessed with this guy, so i emailed him a few times, without my boyfriend knowing and today, i met up with this guy for coffee to discuss forming an extracurricular group together this fall at our school. now that i've gotten a chance to talk to him more, i don't feel like i have much of a crush on this guy anymore, but i still really want to be friends with him. however, i know my boyfriend would never understand because of how i felt about this other guy last year. i feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of experiences if i didn't become friends with this other guy, but i don't know what to do about my boyfriend. i love him, but i just wish he never knew about this other guy so i could openly be friends with him and not hide things from my boyfriend. i also feel like i want more independence and not to have to tell my boyfriend everything, to be able to be friends and hang out with anyone i want to. i need something to change soon. what should i do?
Friends - 1 Answers
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1 :
you have to figure this out one your own but im sure you'll make the right desition
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