Should this letter be sent or forever stay a secret?
For privacy purposes, Names in this letter have been deleted Dear xxxxxxxx, I know you may have absolutely no idea who I am or maybe you do. First let me begin by saying I am extremely nervous to send this letter to you and I put a lot of thought into whether I should or not, I wrote it about a month ago but I now have the guts to send it because I am sure I am doing it for the right reasons. My name is xxxxxxxxxxxxxx. The connection between us is xxxxxxxxx (my ex-boyfriend). Xxxxxxx and I have known each other for four years. We went to the same high school and I am two years his junior. Xxxxxxx and I began dating in November 2008 and he broke up with me in May 2009. Now you may be wondering either “who is this girl or why is she telling me thisâ€or “oh right that psychobitch xxxxxx told me aboutâ€. Now I will get to the main point of why I am contacting you. Let me give you a summary. Despite xxxxx and I ending our relationship, we continued to stay in contact over the summer through Skype. Although we considered our relationship a “friendshipâ€, xxxxx still made sexual advances towards me. I was not innocent, I reciprocated despite my conscience telling me it was wrong due to the fact I still love and was attracted to xxxxx . I will admit in this situation, I was not an angel and I did things I regret and I definitely learned from my mistakes. It was all talk and “sexting†over the summer and the one day while running my eyes over his facebook page, I saw “In a Relationship with xxxxxxxx.†On an August night, I brought this up to him casually but he completely denied it, saying it must have been a “mistake.†Almost immediately, xxxxx got rid of it. Around September, he blocked me from his page all together. We continued to talk sexually and flirt, yet he began to call me less and less. In an effort to identify the problem, I tried multiple ways to contact him but he barely or did not respond. I became exasperated and simply gave up. Then one more attempt yielded a result. He answered his phone and he explained that he had begun to date you, but we could still be “friends.†I was disappointed, yet it was better than nothing. A week or so later xxxxx and I were on the phone and he began to once again, discuss sexual things with me. I felt uncomfortable because now he had a girlfriend. I asked him if you two were still dating, he responded with a “noâ€. We continued this sort of talk and planned on meeting up and potentially doing “things†in November on xxxxx’s Thanksgiving break. On November 21, 2009, xxxxx and I saw each other. That night I gave him a check for $428.00 to add to the additional $100.00 I gave to him for his phone bill overage that was partially my fault but also his because he chose to answer his phone. I worked four long, hard months to earn the $528.00 because I cared. Not only did I give xxxxx the money on 11/21/09 but we also had sex, and I lost my virginity that night. After we had finished he took me directly home, told me he had NO girlfriend and he would see me in three weeks of his winter break. Weeks went by with no call from xxxxx and I was wondering if I did something wrong. I emailed him and shortly after xxxxx Skyped me. He said I was “out of control†(apparently), we could not talk anymore, never to message or talk to him again or else he would file a restraining order against me. He said he did not care we had sex, I had caused enough trouble for him and “This is all in my head, get help. We are neither friends nor lovers.†Despite all these cruel things he said to me the largest shock came when he said “and you KNOW I’ve been in a relationship the whole time.†How would I have known when xxxxx adamantly denied it? Xxxxx not only took my money and my virginity that night but he also did a horrible thing to you, and betrayed you in the worst way possible. I would not wish that upon anyone. I have no connection to xxxxx anymore; he is out of my life for good. I am not mad at him, I do not hate him. Above anything, I am just disappointed at the whole thing: he took my money, my time, my confidence, virginity, innocence, weakened my friendships and put me though months of misery. Still though, I care about xxxxx and I wish him and good and happy life. I know you probably think I am absolutely insane and just trying to sabotage your relationship because I hate him or I am jealous or something. I also know you do know me and have never met me, but I can tell you something now: I am not a hateful or spiteful person. I am telling you this because, woman to woman, I would want to know. What xxxxx did was incredibly wrong and I needed to tell you the truth because I knew he would not. It is only natural for you to trust xxxxx and not me, for, as I know xxxxx is smart, funny, charming, sarcastic, handsome and sweet BUT I also realized his many flaws. For example, his intense privacy and secrecy about his past, using his charm for emotional manipulation, his great ability to and finally his ability to take a situation in which he is at fault and make it appear to be yours. You are probably head over heels for xxxxx though and this letter will probably not make you change your opinion of him. I just do not want you to have to go through what I did. So now it is your choice, you can either A. believe me or B. no believe me. It is up to you. Sit on this letter, think about it. It is up to you, but I can assure you I would not have take three hours to write this letter if I did not really mean it. Still, do as you wish. The only favor I ask of you is to keep this letter confidential from everyone EVEN xxxxx, please do not name your source, I would greatly appreciate that. Xxxxx could possibly blackmail me with photos I sent him of myself while we were dating. I know you may think I am whore, but I really am not the kind of girl you think I am, I just made a huge mistake. If you want to contact me, you can do so through my Facebook inbox or email me at xxxxxxxxxxx. Again, I am so sorry I had to inform you or this, you may hate me but I am really just trying to do the right thing. Thanks fro reading my letter through to the end Sincerely, Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Singles & Dating - 7 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Send it, she deserves to know the truth. I don't think he is right for her or she is right with him the way their relationship sounds so screwed up. Hope things work out, hun (: Good Luck!
2 :
You took you're time writing this, 3 hours I belive like you said. And I took the time to read it. Obviously the other women deserves to know & like you said you'd also like to know. Send it.
3 :
send it (:
4 :
Depends. What do you have to risk? Your reputation, trustworthiness... a lot. Ask yourself: Are you doing this, really, to get revenge on xxxxxxx, or because you sincerely want to save his new girlfriend (I assume it's a girlfriend) from more heartbreak?? Weigh this very, very carefully. If you think she really is better off knowing, and that she will believe you and leave him, you should send the letter. He deserves to be dumped and broken too.
5 :
I can see yo put in alot of effort in this letter. I really think you should send it just to warn them that he may be just a sick person. That isn't right he took all that and turned it against you. Send it for the persons sake. But remember, it's your life, your letter, most importantly, your decision. I only here to maybe help, not to steer your life for you. Think it over. Listen to you heart. You,ll will make the right decision ;). P.s. I'm not sure I gotthe whole idea of the letter >.< disregardthis answer if I didn't get it.
6 :
To send or not to send; that is the question. I say, don't send.
7 :
Weather you send the letter or not........DON'T LEND MONEY TO ANYONE. And for God's sake don't give it away! You worked hard for that. Don't you watch Judge Judy? And my advice to you is, don't send it. He's a creep. Put it behind you. Move on. You're better then that.
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Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Saturday, June 28, 2014
is there a chance of coming back together?
is there a chance of coming back together?
We’ve been together for 1 yr and 7 months. He’s my cousin’s friend since high school. But my cousin never really liked the idea of me dating him (crossing the line stuff), so we went against all odds. But we fought for each other, so everything became okay, my cousin and his friends accepted it. It was quite a “challenge†of the feeling that everyone was against the relationship. We had so many memories. He picks me at school during Saturdays after my class; we always watch movies coz that’s our favorite thing to do, dinner dates, badminton, bowling, or just coffee. We also bond with my cousin and friends out of town and at parties. For the whole 1 yr and 4 months (the other 3 months is another story), the downside of this relationship is we always fight about “small thingsâ€. Something that he didn’t do that I expect him to do, I get mad easily. Then whenever I’m mad, I talk to him in a casual way and when he asks what the problem is, I just say nothing. (MOSTLY GIRLS WANTS THEIR BOYFRIEND TO READ THEIR GIRLFRIEND’S MIND-that’s what girls are likely to do). It happens every other week or every month. It came to a point that he wants a “time offâ€, he wants to weigh things out and if the relationship will be going somewhere; so I give him this space. (Whenever there’s an issue, there’s always this “time off†coming). His†time off†usually lasts for just a week, then by Saturday he will text me or call me as if everything’s okay. So by Saturday is a normal day, like we date.. but he don’t discuss about the past argument. All of these just happen over and over again. Until… May 10, we had an issue. Then he wants to break up with me over the phone because he said that he was tired of all the arguments etc. He cried hard, so I felt that he can’t even let go because he was crying, I cried to. He said that he love me but not that much anymore. I cried and pleaded, asked for another chance that I will change (adjust in what I just can adjust). He gave me another chance. After that he keeps calling me many times a day in a week. I felt that he misses me too. June.. it went well, like everything was back to normal. He visited me when I was sick, I was so surprise and happy. I adjusted a little bit, I do efforts to see him, and surprise him, I let him feel my love. July and August… I’m still consistent. There were times that I feel that he doesn’t care. I was really confused because “we’re going up, down, up, up, down†(yesterday, he made me special, today, he acts like he doesn’t care, tomorrow, I don’t know!). I really adjusted like when he wants to hang out with his long lost friends, we cancel our Saturday date. I adjusted my Saturday schedule class in the morning so I can be with him for long hours. Aug 22, he was late for our date, and I was a little bit upset coz I feel that I was taken for granted. So when I came into his car, I was just silent. The whole night, I talked to him in a casual way. August 23, he posted something to his facebook.. “contemplating on leaving everything behindâ€. I sensed that it’s about me. So I called him, and then ask him about what he posted. He told me it’s not working anymore. I didn’t cried and plead. I asked that I wanted to see him personally. So we see each other on the 29th. We ate dinner, and then talked about the issue, I was crying and he was consoling me. He said that he’s here if I wanted to talk, to watch movies again with him. I told him that I want to watch New Moon this coming November and said okay. After that night, he still texts and chats for the whole September (every other day). He’s the first one to text/chat, since he’s the dumper. My philosophy is whoever decided the break up thing must be the one who will do the reconnecting. September 28 was the last chat in ym. After that no more. October 17 was my birthday. He sent me an offline message exactly at 12mn saying “Happy Birthday! :)†I don’t know if it’s a sweet feeling that he greeted me first, but I felt a little bit mad, coz what the f, an ex greeted me first! I texted him if he’s free tonight. He asked me if who will be there in my party, hs friends or college or both. I said both, I felt that he might be shy or what, coz he’s asking who my visitors are. So he came with our common friend. He gave me a gift which I didn’t expect. This is what I observed at my party.. 1.I noticed that he was looking at the way i eat my chicken. (That’s what he always does when we were together, he laughs at me because I was having a hard time to use the spoon and fork to eat my chicken, and he found it cute). 2.I showed my digicam, he was browsing the pictures and asked who my partner in the pageant is. So I told him that he’s just my high school friend. (Actually I asked him to be my partner last June, but he doesn’t want to). 3.When he was browsing, I told him to give the camera to my friend, Aj who was just sitting at our table. I told my ex to give the camera to Aj, he said that he doesn’t wa
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
it sounds like you are letting him influence your emotions and sense of well-being like the moon controls the tide. not that he's doing anything bad, it's not good for you to go "up and down" as you described. you may want to put the ball in your court by giving yourself some time off. step back and really think about what you need and what is and is not good for you. it's never fun when someone strings you along and you don't know where you stand with them, so don't let him do that. one of you needs to draw a line in the sand. you two are together or not together. if not, you need to stay away for a while...rule of thumb is at least half the time you were together...in your case that would be little to no contact for about 8mos. as for feelings never going away...my particular case was extreme. i've had several relationships since without strong lingering feelings. however, i would venture to guess that just about everyone has one relationship that they will never completely get over. it goes with territory. as they say, "love hurts". hang in there, everyone goes through this BS!
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We’ve been together for 1 yr and 7 months. He’s my cousin’s friend since high school. But my cousin never really liked the idea of me dating him (crossing the line stuff), so we went against all odds. But we fought for each other, so everything became okay, my cousin and his friends accepted it. It was quite a “challenge†of the feeling that everyone was against the relationship. We had so many memories. He picks me at school during Saturdays after my class; we always watch movies coz that’s our favorite thing to do, dinner dates, badminton, bowling, or just coffee. We also bond with my cousin and friends out of town and at parties. For the whole 1 yr and 4 months (the other 3 months is another story), the downside of this relationship is we always fight about “small thingsâ€. Something that he didn’t do that I expect him to do, I get mad easily. Then whenever I’m mad, I talk to him in a casual way and when he asks what the problem is, I just say nothing. (MOSTLY GIRLS WANTS THEIR BOYFRIEND TO READ THEIR GIRLFRIEND’S MIND-that’s what girls are likely to do). It happens every other week or every month. It came to a point that he wants a “time offâ€, he wants to weigh things out and if the relationship will be going somewhere; so I give him this space. (Whenever there’s an issue, there’s always this “time off†coming). His†time off†usually lasts for just a week, then by Saturday he will text me or call me as if everything’s okay. So by Saturday is a normal day, like we date.. but he don’t discuss about the past argument. All of these just happen over and over again. Until… May 10, we had an issue. Then he wants to break up with me over the phone because he said that he was tired of all the arguments etc. He cried hard, so I felt that he can’t even let go because he was crying, I cried to. He said that he love me but not that much anymore. I cried and pleaded, asked for another chance that I will change (adjust in what I just can adjust). He gave me another chance. After that he keeps calling me many times a day in a week. I felt that he misses me too. June.. it went well, like everything was back to normal. He visited me when I was sick, I was so surprise and happy. I adjusted a little bit, I do efforts to see him, and surprise him, I let him feel my love. July and August… I’m still consistent. There were times that I feel that he doesn’t care. I was really confused because “we’re going up, down, up, up, down†(yesterday, he made me special, today, he acts like he doesn’t care, tomorrow, I don’t know!). I really adjusted like when he wants to hang out with his long lost friends, we cancel our Saturday date. I adjusted my Saturday schedule class in the morning so I can be with him for long hours. Aug 22, he was late for our date, and I was a little bit upset coz I feel that I was taken for granted. So when I came into his car, I was just silent. The whole night, I talked to him in a casual way. August 23, he posted something to his facebook.. “contemplating on leaving everything behindâ€. I sensed that it’s about me. So I called him, and then ask him about what he posted. He told me it’s not working anymore. I didn’t cried and plead. I asked that I wanted to see him personally. So we see each other on the 29th. We ate dinner, and then talked about the issue, I was crying and he was consoling me. He said that he’s here if I wanted to talk, to watch movies again with him. I told him that I want to watch New Moon this coming November and said okay. After that night, he still texts and chats for the whole September (every other day). He’s the first one to text/chat, since he’s the dumper. My philosophy is whoever decided the break up thing must be the one who will do the reconnecting. September 28 was the last chat in ym. After that no more. October 17 was my birthday. He sent me an offline message exactly at 12mn saying “Happy Birthday! :)†I don’t know if it’s a sweet feeling that he greeted me first, but I felt a little bit mad, coz what the f, an ex greeted me first! I texted him if he’s free tonight. He asked me if who will be there in my party, hs friends or college or both. I said both, I felt that he might be shy or what, coz he’s asking who my visitors are. So he came with our common friend. He gave me a gift which I didn’t expect. This is what I observed at my party.. 1.I noticed that he was looking at the way i eat my chicken. (That’s what he always does when we were together, he laughs at me because I was having a hard time to use the spoon and fork to eat my chicken, and he found it cute). 2.I showed my digicam, he was browsing the pictures and asked who my partner in the pageant is. So I told him that he’s just my high school friend. (Actually I asked him to be my partner last June, but he doesn’t want to). 3.When he was browsing, I told him to give the camera to my friend, Aj who was just sitting at our table. I told my ex to give the camera to Aj, he said that he doesn’t wa
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
it sounds like you are letting him influence your emotions and sense of well-being like the moon controls the tide. not that he's doing anything bad, it's not good for you to go "up and down" as you described. you may want to put the ball in your court by giving yourself some time off. step back and really think about what you need and what is and is not good for you. it's never fun when someone strings you along and you don't know where you stand with them, so don't let him do that. one of you needs to draw a line in the sand. you two are together or not together. if not, you need to stay away for a while...rule of thumb is at least half the time you were together...in your case that would be little to no contact for about 8mos. as for feelings never going away...my particular case was extreme. i've had several relationships since without strong lingering feelings. however, i would venture to guess that just about everyone has one relationship that they will never completely get over. it goes with territory. as they say, "love hurts". hang in there, everyone goes through this BS!
Read more other entries :
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Divorce after only two months?
Divorce after only two months?
My husband and I were married just short of two months ago. I am 19, and he is 18. He is in the US Army & was being sent to Korea after only three months of dating. We decided that we just couldn't live without each other, and felt like we knew enough about each other to make that commitment. We had never fought when we were dating, and we loved everything about each other. We get married, and the DAY AFTER our wedding, we had our first fight. He walked out, and didn't come back for hours. I was left in a hotel room crying alone. On the day before Valentine's Day, I was trying to discuss with him when he would use his leave (time off) to come home, and he said that I would just have to come to Korea to visit him, that he wasn't leaving until his tour was over. I simply said "that's not what we had talked about" and he blew up on me. He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything. But later that night, he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go. In so many words, he told me that nothing going on in my life mattered, that he had been through so much worse. So, I told him just to let me go cool down, and we would talk when we would both actually TALK instead of yell. Well, he decides to say "yeah, walk away you stupid f***** b****. This is while we are living in my PARENTS house, until he leaves for Korea. My father was home at the time of this..and it was like my husband did not care at all. He kept telling my dad that I was a b**** & sent all of his facebook friends messages about how his wife is a "royal b****" He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment, and I have read recently that this is a sign of an abuser. He blows up over the smallest things. The most recent occurence was just this past weekend. Friday, he accused me of not taking my birth control, and attempting to get pregnant knowing that he is against it. Instead of confronting me about this however, he takes the route of asking my best friend & making her promise not to tell me (high school much?) I overhear the conversation, and ask him about it. He gets extremely angry with me over it, and so I go sit outside alone just to calm down. Eventually, my mom, and three friends come out there. My husband comes out, gets in my face, and starts yelling and cursing. in front of EVERYONE. Once again, he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face, until my father almost stepped in and handled it himself. Everyone is telling me that if he treats me this way in front of other people, how is it going to be when it is just me and him? he promises me that he would never hit me, but deep down, I really am terrified of him. We have had multiple talks about how things were going to have to change for this to work, but he will "change" for a day, and go right back to doing these things. He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes. I have never been one to believe in divorce, but I am not going to live this way. I feel like I haven't given it an honest shot yet, but with the way he makes me feel, I also don't see the point in trying anymore. I want to go back to college, and make a life for myself, I don't want to have to be dependent on someone who can hold it over my head. I want to do so many things, that I know will never happen with him. I thought that marrying him was the right thing, but now I'm seriously considering divorce.. Under the circumstances, is it too soon to quit?
Marriage & Divorce - 19 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
its never to soon to quit.
2 :
This is why they should raise the legal age you can get married...nobody in their teens should be allowed to marry. You kids just aren't ready for a real relationship...
3 :
Get a divorce, if he refuses, get ahold of his commanding officer, they won't put up with his crap.
4 :
Well you are very young. Marriage at 18 and 19 is not to smart. I know what is done is done but it sounds like you guys kinda rushed into it. If I were you I would either see a councilor or you may considor divorce. I'm sorry about your situation. Good luck.
5 :
dump him now. he's abusive and unstable. now you know that it takes more than a couple of months to get to know someone fully, let alone marry them. please divorce him. this guy is fully capable of doing something terrible to you. he's no good and he will only bring misery to your life. its not too soon to quit because if he's like this so early on, he'll only get worse. you know it but you just have to admit it to yourself.
6 :
i think yu werent thinking when yu decided to marry,dating and marriage ,are 2 different things. yu were scared to be away from each other,and yu took the step yu are not ready for. i think getting yo marriage annuled is the best way. yu think you know each other but its puppy love. his showing his true colors and he feels tied down to you.
7 :
No, it is not. You jumped into marrying him after only 3 mos. of dating and he has multiple signs of being an abuser. Get out NOW! Don't look back.
8 :
well even though he has alot of stress on him atm he shouldn't act that way and it is never to soon or to late to quit if you are unhappy an have tryed to cope and be there an fix things separate for a bit let him have time to think about it if no change file for divorce. but he does sound like he may go off the deep end so to speak one day and him with his training may even kill ya RUNNN
9 :
If you don't feel it in your heart and you are scared of him. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. You are going to be stuck in this situation if you dont get out. The sooner, the better. Military life is not easy. I am an Air Force wife. I married my husband when we were both 18. We've been married for 3 years now and been together for 6. I love him with all my heart and many people envy our marriage. If you guys cannot work things out and be adults about this situation, you will NEVER make it through military life. I promise you this. This will not be the first time he has to leave, trust me. Follow your heart but it's not too soon if you can't handle it. You need to decide if it's worth it to you. If it's not, you can probably get an annulment this early.
10 :
You need to let him go to Korea alone. Then divorce this guy. You married too soon apparently this guy is not ready for commitment or has the patient for a wife. He seems to be an abuser and Im surprised your father took so long to step in. This guy will get worse over time if you keep letting it go. He needs to grow up and take some anger management classes and then figure if you two are ready for a marriage. Good luck I do hope you make the right decision.
11 :
Both of you are far to young and mentally unstable to be in a marriage. There seems to be stress on both sides. Your family is right, once he gets you alone and goes off he will hit you. Love isn't being terrified. In your circumstances I would get an annulment. You need to both grow first, experience life, have a career, a home before marriage comes.
12 :
One word with explanation-DIVORCE (not yelling). Your husband is a well trained man with POWER (not yelling) behind his anger and strenght. You need to find a secure place to call his commanding officer and let him know what he is doing to you, then take it to the police and then run to shelter for safety. The next steps follow. My second marriage started out almost like that. He was an alcoholic, drug addict/dealer, abusier, raped me from day one, was threatened if I leave he would hunt be down and kill me, his street life was home life, etc. He spent time in and out of jails and once in prison. I am now a crimnal because of him. He finally commited suicde. Leave and run far so he cannot find you. Even if you got to get a restraining order. Go to a shelter for abused women, before you end up at the morgue. Then your parents and friends will have to identify you. Run as fast as you can. And pray-God be with you.
13 :
That is the problem when you have only dated for three months. Three months is when the true colors of the person you are in a relationship starts coming out (but i guess some people are luckily who marry after a month of knowing a person because they connect like two peas in a pod). From this time you should be able to weed out the good from the bad on whether you are able to pursue or not. I think you rushed marriage..but i am not going to go into that. To be honest he has anger management issues, a lack of respect for you..and even if i was to say that you both need to opt for counseling. I think from your description he has pride and ego and wouldn't even want to go. To be honest i really do not know what you can do in this situation. But i hate to say it...it seems that divorce is speaking out in volumes here.
14 :
No, it's not too soon to quit. Quit while you are a head. Don't wait for the time that he would kill you if you have a fight. No man could ever change that way if he really loved his wife. Maybe he had suffered from abuse when he was young, maybe that is the situation he grow up with. I don't know but he needs help. If he really love you, he would take care of you, handle you like a very fragile crystal that in a slight mistake would break. If he really love you, he will treat you with respect when making love. If he really love you, he would pay respect to your parents especially at your parents house. Honestly, you had suffered from marital abuse not only physically, but also verbally, mentally and emotionally for such a short period of time. Divorce is not the solution, file for an Annulment. I got married young also and we have been married for 17 years now and my husband never treated me like that. Sure we have our fights, our ups and downs and trials in life but he never treated me like that. If we have a fight, he never walked out on me for hours, and we often make a compromise and meet up with it.
15 :
honey you need to get out now before something bad happens to you. this man is a ticking time bomb!
16 :
He is a classic abuser, they always have "crying spells" which is total BS and they ALWAYS hurt you very badly or worse, you need to get rid of him NOW and get a divorce and cut off all contact with him, he is the type who flips out and kills people one day, don't wait around for that, he is deeply disturbed.
17 :
Get out and get out now!!! You made a bad decision when you agreed to marry a man that you barely knew. 3 months dating is nothing. Of course you didn't fight while you were dating, no one fights in the first 3 months that they know someone. Don't make this bad decision worse by staying with this extremely controlling and abusive man any longer. He may not have been physically abusive yet but what you describe is emotional abuse and even if he never laid a hand on you, living with emotional abuse can be just as destructive to you as physical abuse. He isn't likely to let you go easy tho. Contact his commanding officer and tell him what's happening. Contact the police to give them a heads up and make arrangements to go somewhere that he can't find you. My niece had to move clear across the country to get away from her abusive ex but it was the best thing she ever did. She's with a really good man now. "He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything." "he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go" "walk away you stupid f***** b****. " "He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment" "he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face" These are all huge warning signs. Pay attention to them!! You say yourself that you're terrified of him, how can you even think of remaining in this marriage. "He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes." This is classic manipulation that all abusers use. He may even really love you in his own sick twisted way but is this the kind of love you want in your life? I hope not. There are good men in the world who will treat you good and be caring about your feelings and needs. I'm not normally one to suggest divorce but when abuse is involved there really is no other option. This isn't a failure on your part, you made a bad decision - learn from it and move on with your life.
18 :
Honey. Run as fast and as far away from this as you can. It's only going to get worse not better. You owe it to yourself to be in a relationship where you feel loved and respected.
19 :
If the military didn't straighten his a@@ out on this, he's never going to change. You're being abused physically and mentally, and I don't care if bi@#$ boy just caught Osama, you need to get an annulment. He has no reason to change, and sadly, the only thing you can take away is yourself. If he is so unwilling to change- one day doesn't count- you need to give him a reason to, and that's you coming back. If you had college plans you should have married him after you graduated, it would have given you something to stand on and him time to mature.
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My husband and I were married just short of two months ago. I am 19, and he is 18. He is in the US Army & was being sent to Korea after only three months of dating. We decided that we just couldn't live without each other, and felt like we knew enough about each other to make that commitment. We had never fought when we were dating, and we loved everything about each other. We get married, and the DAY AFTER our wedding, we had our first fight. He walked out, and didn't come back for hours. I was left in a hotel room crying alone. On the day before Valentine's Day, I was trying to discuss with him when he would use his leave (time off) to come home, and he said that I would just have to come to Korea to visit him, that he wasn't leaving until his tour was over. I simply said "that's not what we had talked about" and he blew up on me. He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything. But later that night, he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go. In so many words, he told me that nothing going on in my life mattered, that he had been through so much worse. So, I told him just to let me go cool down, and we would talk when we would both actually TALK instead of yell. Well, he decides to say "yeah, walk away you stupid f***** b****. This is while we are living in my PARENTS house, until he leaves for Korea. My father was home at the time of this..and it was like my husband did not care at all. He kept telling my dad that I was a b**** & sent all of his facebook friends messages about how his wife is a "royal b****" He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment, and I have read recently that this is a sign of an abuser. He blows up over the smallest things. The most recent occurence was just this past weekend. Friday, he accused me of not taking my birth control, and attempting to get pregnant knowing that he is against it. Instead of confronting me about this however, he takes the route of asking my best friend & making her promise not to tell me (high school much?) I overhear the conversation, and ask him about it. He gets extremely angry with me over it, and so I go sit outside alone just to calm down. Eventually, my mom, and three friends come out there. My husband comes out, gets in my face, and starts yelling and cursing. in front of EVERYONE. Once again, he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face, until my father almost stepped in and handled it himself. Everyone is telling me that if he treats me this way in front of other people, how is it going to be when it is just me and him? he promises me that he would never hit me, but deep down, I really am terrified of him. We have had multiple talks about how things were going to have to change for this to work, but he will "change" for a day, and go right back to doing these things. He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes. I have never been one to believe in divorce, but I am not going to live this way. I feel like I haven't given it an honest shot yet, but with the way he makes me feel, I also don't see the point in trying anymore. I want to go back to college, and make a life for myself, I don't want to have to be dependent on someone who can hold it over my head. I want to do so many things, that I know will never happen with him. I thought that marrying him was the right thing, but now I'm seriously considering divorce.. Under the circumstances, is it too soon to quit?
Marriage & Divorce - 19 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
its never to soon to quit.
2 :
This is why they should raise the legal age you can get married...nobody in their teens should be allowed to marry. You kids just aren't ready for a real relationship...
3 :
Get a divorce, if he refuses, get ahold of his commanding officer, they won't put up with his crap.
4 :
Well you are very young. Marriage at 18 and 19 is not to smart. I know what is done is done but it sounds like you guys kinda rushed into it. If I were you I would either see a councilor or you may considor divorce. I'm sorry about your situation. Good luck.
5 :
dump him now. he's abusive and unstable. now you know that it takes more than a couple of months to get to know someone fully, let alone marry them. please divorce him. this guy is fully capable of doing something terrible to you. he's no good and he will only bring misery to your life. its not too soon to quit because if he's like this so early on, he'll only get worse. you know it but you just have to admit it to yourself.
6 :
i think yu werent thinking when yu decided to marry,dating and marriage ,are 2 different things. yu were scared to be away from each other,and yu took the step yu are not ready for. i think getting yo marriage annuled is the best way. yu think you know each other but its puppy love. his showing his true colors and he feels tied down to you.
7 :
No, it is not. You jumped into marrying him after only 3 mos. of dating and he has multiple signs of being an abuser. Get out NOW! Don't look back.
8 :
well even though he has alot of stress on him atm he shouldn't act that way and it is never to soon or to late to quit if you are unhappy an have tryed to cope and be there an fix things separate for a bit let him have time to think about it if no change file for divorce. but he does sound like he may go off the deep end so to speak one day and him with his training may even kill ya RUNNN
9 :
If you don't feel it in your heart and you are scared of him. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. You are going to be stuck in this situation if you dont get out. The sooner, the better. Military life is not easy. I am an Air Force wife. I married my husband when we were both 18. We've been married for 3 years now and been together for 6. I love him with all my heart and many people envy our marriage. If you guys cannot work things out and be adults about this situation, you will NEVER make it through military life. I promise you this. This will not be the first time he has to leave, trust me. Follow your heart but it's not too soon if you can't handle it. You need to decide if it's worth it to you. If it's not, you can probably get an annulment this early.
10 :
You need to let him go to Korea alone. Then divorce this guy. You married too soon apparently this guy is not ready for commitment or has the patient for a wife. He seems to be an abuser and Im surprised your father took so long to step in. This guy will get worse over time if you keep letting it go. He needs to grow up and take some anger management classes and then figure if you two are ready for a marriage. Good luck I do hope you make the right decision.
11 :
Both of you are far to young and mentally unstable to be in a marriage. There seems to be stress on both sides. Your family is right, once he gets you alone and goes off he will hit you. Love isn't being terrified. In your circumstances I would get an annulment. You need to both grow first, experience life, have a career, a home before marriage comes.
12 :
One word with explanation-DIVORCE (not yelling). Your husband is a well trained man with POWER (not yelling) behind his anger and strenght. You need to find a secure place to call his commanding officer and let him know what he is doing to you, then take it to the police and then run to shelter for safety. The next steps follow. My second marriage started out almost like that. He was an alcoholic, drug addict/dealer, abusier, raped me from day one, was threatened if I leave he would hunt be down and kill me, his street life was home life, etc. He spent time in and out of jails and once in prison. I am now a crimnal because of him. He finally commited suicde. Leave and run far so he cannot find you. Even if you got to get a restraining order. Go to a shelter for abused women, before you end up at the morgue. Then your parents and friends will have to identify you. Run as fast as you can. And pray-God be with you.
13 :
That is the problem when you have only dated for three months. Three months is when the true colors of the person you are in a relationship starts coming out (but i guess some people are luckily who marry after a month of knowing a person because they connect like two peas in a pod). From this time you should be able to weed out the good from the bad on whether you are able to pursue or not. I think you rushed marriage..but i am not going to go into that. To be honest he has anger management issues, a lack of respect for you..and even if i was to say that you both need to opt for counseling. I think from your description he has pride and ego and wouldn't even want to go. To be honest i really do not know what you can do in this situation. But i hate to say it...it seems that divorce is speaking out in volumes here.
14 :
No, it's not too soon to quit. Quit while you are a head. Don't wait for the time that he would kill you if you have a fight. No man could ever change that way if he really loved his wife. Maybe he had suffered from abuse when he was young, maybe that is the situation he grow up with. I don't know but he needs help. If he really love you, he would take care of you, handle you like a very fragile crystal that in a slight mistake would break. If he really love you, he will treat you with respect when making love. If he really love you, he would pay respect to your parents especially at your parents house. Honestly, you had suffered from marital abuse not only physically, but also verbally, mentally and emotionally for such a short period of time. Divorce is not the solution, file for an Annulment. I got married young also and we have been married for 17 years now and my husband never treated me like that. Sure we have our fights, our ups and downs and trials in life but he never treated me like that. If we have a fight, he never walked out on me for hours, and we often make a compromise and meet up with it.
15 :
honey you need to get out now before something bad happens to you. this man is a ticking time bomb!
16 :
He is a classic abuser, they always have "crying spells" which is total BS and they ALWAYS hurt you very badly or worse, you need to get rid of him NOW and get a divorce and cut off all contact with him, he is the type who flips out and kills people one day, don't wait around for that, he is deeply disturbed.
17 :
Get out and get out now!!! You made a bad decision when you agreed to marry a man that you barely knew. 3 months dating is nothing. Of course you didn't fight while you were dating, no one fights in the first 3 months that they know someone. Don't make this bad decision worse by staying with this extremely controlling and abusive man any longer. He may not have been physically abusive yet but what you describe is emotional abuse and even if he never laid a hand on you, living with emotional abuse can be just as destructive to you as physical abuse. He isn't likely to let you go easy tho. Contact his commanding officer and tell him what's happening. Contact the police to give them a heads up and make arrangements to go somewhere that he can't find you. My niece had to move clear across the country to get away from her abusive ex but it was the best thing she ever did. She's with a really good man now. "He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything." "he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go" "walk away you stupid f***** b****. " "He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment" "he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face" These are all huge warning signs. Pay attention to them!! You say yourself that you're terrified of him, how can you even think of remaining in this marriage. "He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes." This is classic manipulation that all abusers use. He may even really love you in his own sick twisted way but is this the kind of love you want in your life? I hope not. There are good men in the world who will treat you good and be caring about your feelings and needs. I'm not normally one to suggest divorce but when abuse is involved there really is no other option. This isn't a failure on your part, you made a bad decision - learn from it and move on with your life.
18 :
Honey. Run as fast and as far away from this as you can. It's only going to get worse not better. You owe it to yourself to be in a relationship where you feel loved and respected.
19 :
If the military didn't straighten his a@@ out on this, he's never going to change. You're being abused physically and mentally, and I don't care if bi@#$ boy just caught Osama, you need to get an annulment. He has no reason to change, and sadly, the only thing you can take away is yourself. If he is so unwilling to change- one day doesn't count- you need to give him a reason to, and that's you coming back. If you had college plans you should have married him after you graduated, it would have given you something to stand on and him time to mature.
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Saturday, June 7, 2014
need motivation and people's opinion?
need motivation and people's opinion?
okay,this may be long but I hope someone can help. So I'm a community college student and I am on this "crossroad" dilemma. I apply to transfer to a 4 year university in California after being at a community college for 3 years. I am already got in to 1 and I'm on my last 2 weeks waiting for 4 more admission decisions. As I wait for these decisions, I have been thinking about my life within the last 3 years after high school graduation. The last 3 years have been weird. What happen is that i live a sort of uncommon life in comparison to my friends to my friends and peers. I dedicate myself to my studies these days that I happen to become a loner. I rarely go out with friends anymore. And some of group of friends that I kind of wish I could spend more time have a flaw: they're friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I have low paying job since I want to get a car but the only problem is I only work once a week and finding a better paying job are away and definitely need a car. Almost all my peers have cars and they're enjoying the heck out of their lives. From my observation is that I feel that I'm missing out the fun in my early 20's. First of all, my closest friends don't go to college and they work. So I can't discuss school related stuff as often. Plus,they're into video games, which I'm not. Another draw back is that those who do go to school (community college or university) are not majoring in science so I feel the weird one. I love science because of the fact that while its difficult,I'm actually learning stuff. Not to criticize liberal art majors but the harder courses make you think "outside the box" like in calculus or chemistry (funny thing though is that I need some psychological help in my question;irony,lol!). Anyways, the biggest problem I have is when people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. Now, I have dated about once or twice but at those times, I just felt uncomfortable being with another person. I just didn't felt in the mood of a relationship; I didn't have feelings for that person. So it bugs me when some of my friends (guy or girl) ask me why I'm not in one. For me, I feel that I want to transfer out to a good school because I don't want to work in low paying job as I am right now;I really care about education and it saddens me that some just view it as a chore or something. But while my friends respect my decision, my ex-girlfriends ask me the same question. At this point, I am like "wth???why do you care?". What happen is that I use to try to get her back with me for 2 years after she broke up with me. So I decided that once she was in college,I will never ever talk to her again (in person). We have always been friends online since we broke up but we have added and deleted each other several times. The last time she deleted me, I decided I will not be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. She added me again in December but I vow not to chat her on facebook. She has always started the conversation the few times I spoke to her in Fb. But the last 2 times she kept mentioning "her man" and that she was serious about him and she was going to drop out of college for him (her current boyfriend is about to graduate next year and they plan to come back to California since she is at Iowa). And while I could care less now, yesterday she ask about "any lucky gals out there for me?" after she had mention her bf many times before. It feels she is rubbing it in my face because she knows I was in deep love for her 3 years ago. So in essence,I am asking what should I do about my life as I go on with my life.Should I work hard to get a car(I don't think I need a car since I plan to dorm when I transfer)?What should I do with my closest friends(should I try to be into video games because that's like the one thing they're super into)?what should I do with my ex-girlfriend(I wanted to delete her on Facebook but I want to show that I'm stronger than her and that I have move on. Seriously, I feel like I'm competing against her. I don't care about relationships right now because I have not gotten that feeling to be someone yet.EEERRR,but I want to show that the day she left me was her biggest mistake(btw,the break up was on 2008)). I can wait to transfer out so I can finally meet some people with the same interest like me and possibly find a good girl that cares about me.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It's a long read. First, don't look back. Stop thinking about the past three years. Instead focus on the next three years. About your friends: If your friends have different interests than yours, then try to look for new friends that shares the same interest as you are. Remember, birds of a same feather flocks together, so it's understandable that you will not be compelled to stick with your old friends. About your ex-girlfriend: Move on. Meet someone else. The easiest way to get him out of your mind is to meet someone else. About motivation: Set a goal. If you think you need to get a car to get yourself motivated, then do it. Don't let yourself get distracted by things. I recommend reading the link below to get you more motivated.
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okay,this may be long but I hope someone can help. So I'm a community college student and I am on this "crossroad" dilemma. I apply to transfer to a 4 year university in California after being at a community college for 3 years. I am already got in to 1 and I'm on my last 2 weeks waiting for 4 more admission decisions. As I wait for these decisions, I have been thinking about my life within the last 3 years after high school graduation. The last 3 years have been weird. What happen is that i live a sort of uncommon life in comparison to my friends to my friends and peers. I dedicate myself to my studies these days that I happen to become a loner. I rarely go out with friends anymore. And some of group of friends that I kind of wish I could spend more time have a flaw: they're friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I have low paying job since I want to get a car but the only problem is I only work once a week and finding a better paying job are away and definitely need a car. Almost all my peers have cars and they're enjoying the heck out of their lives. From my observation is that I feel that I'm missing out the fun in my early 20's. First of all, my closest friends don't go to college and they work. So I can't discuss school related stuff as often. Plus,they're into video games, which I'm not. Another draw back is that those who do go to school (community college or university) are not majoring in science so I feel the weird one. I love science because of the fact that while its difficult,I'm actually learning stuff. Not to criticize liberal art majors but the harder courses make you think "outside the box" like in calculus or chemistry (funny thing though is that I need some psychological help in my question;irony,lol!). Anyways, the biggest problem I have is when people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. Now, I have dated about once or twice but at those times, I just felt uncomfortable being with another person. I just didn't felt in the mood of a relationship; I didn't have feelings for that person. So it bugs me when some of my friends (guy or girl) ask me why I'm not in one. For me, I feel that I want to transfer out to a good school because I don't want to work in low paying job as I am right now;I really care about education and it saddens me that some just view it as a chore or something. But while my friends respect my decision, my ex-girlfriends ask me the same question. At this point, I am like "wth???why do you care?". What happen is that I use to try to get her back with me for 2 years after she broke up with me. So I decided that once she was in college,I will never ever talk to her again (in person). We have always been friends online since we broke up but we have added and deleted each other several times. The last time she deleted me, I decided I will not be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. She added me again in December but I vow not to chat her on facebook. She has always started the conversation the few times I spoke to her in Fb. But the last 2 times she kept mentioning "her man" and that she was serious about him and she was going to drop out of college for him (her current boyfriend is about to graduate next year and they plan to come back to California since she is at Iowa). And while I could care less now, yesterday she ask about "any lucky gals out there for me?" after she had mention her bf many times before. It feels she is rubbing it in my face because she knows I was in deep love for her 3 years ago. So in essence,I am asking what should I do about my life as I go on with my life.Should I work hard to get a car(I don't think I need a car since I plan to dorm when I transfer)?What should I do with my closest friends(should I try to be into video games because that's like the one thing they're super into)?what should I do with my ex-girlfriend(I wanted to delete her on Facebook but I want to show that I'm stronger than her and that I have move on. Seriously, I feel like I'm competing against her. I don't care about relationships right now because I have not gotten that feeling to be someone yet.EEERRR,but I want to show that the day she left me was her biggest mistake(btw,the break up was on 2008)). I can wait to transfer out so I can finally meet some people with the same interest like me and possibly find a good girl that cares about me.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It's a long read. First, don't look back. Stop thinking about the past three years. Instead focus on the next three years. About your friends: If your friends have different interests than yours, then try to look for new friends that shares the same interest as you are. Remember, birds of a same feather flocks together, so it's understandable that you will not be compelled to stick with your old friends. About your ex-girlfriend: Move on. Meet someone else. The easiest way to get him out of your mind is to meet someone else. About motivation: Set a goal. If you think you need to get a car to get yourself motivated, then do it. Don't let yourself get distracted by things. I recommend reading the link below to get you more motivated.
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Sunday, June 1, 2014
(A Lot to read but I need opinions!) What is the better solution for this predicament?
(A Lot to read but I need opinions!) What is the better solution for this predicament?
This question is about relationship issues, fyi. I am going 2 have 2 tell u a really long story in order 2 allow u 2 understand things better, because I am really needing opinions, all are welcome, ((yes I will still choose what I consider the best)) I am just wanted any & all view points. (I'm going 2 put names 2 some people so that it's easier 2 discuss this.) So a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first i love you, first partner. We met the end of our Jr. year in high school, things moved slowly at first and it all seemed perfect. After almost a year we were engaged. Had been engaged for a while when we broke up the 1st time because of complications in our relationship. A month later got back together to give it one last shot and mutually decided to end it. A while later I start finding out things about my ex that I had a feeling might be true but never really knew until one of his friends told me and a couple of my friends told me things. This friend of my ex's who told me had never previously tried to put moves on me, he was just nice & that's all. In fact he thought I hated him because my ex(Henry) made him think that. Well this friend of his (Vince) and I started casually talking and before we knew it we were enthralled in deep conversation. So we moved it from facebook to skype and got on the next day and video chatted as well ((Vince is in the military so he is at a base across seas right now)) Before long we had feelings for each other and I was beaming! All I could think about was him and no other guy crossed my mind, I wasn't even interested in any other. So after about a week of talking I decided that since I was basically already being loyal to him that we'd put a bf/gf label on it. After a while things started hitting me like the fact that I was betrayed by Henry for a while and didn't even know it and started doubting my relationship with Vince. It is just hard to maintain that kind of relationship sometimes (keep in mind that we never felt anything for each other before now, so I don't even know what it'd be like in person with him because feelings change everything) Vince is the kind of guy that he is blunt, can be jerky but it's part of his nature and sometimes his charm, but he has a surprising sweet side. I think our personalities are a lot alike! When I think back on Henry and I, we really didn't have much personality traits in common, we shared similar values and had alike histories, but thats really it. I felt so much of a spark with Vince right off the get go. He frustrates me like hell sometimes! And we've already duked it out over skype and we've only been talking a couple weeks lol! Yet I still come back for more :P I don't get it either sometimes. What makes things difficult is we have a 7 hr times difference. Also, I am only 20 and haven't had my own freedom yet. I am leaving a juco this may and transferring to a university where I will be living in a dorm instead of my parent's house. I have been needing and wanting my freedom for a looong time! I am the oldest and have had so much been asked out of me when I was younger. Vince doesn't come home till around July - September and is only home a month. So I would either not be at the university yet, or will only have been there a short time. When Vince comes back we had planned on getting to know each other more and hanging out a lot. So I guess my point is another fear is what if I meet someone at the university while I'm with him. . .and will being with Vince affect my freedom? Vince will be home again the following April. See the thing is, Vince is amazing. . .where as Henry was really possessive and smothering, Vince is really not. He has great advice, he is level headed when he needs to be. He makes me laugh, makes me open up, be a bit daring, frustrates me all the time! He's seen me cry and comforted me even while being thousands of miles away, and he is good to me. . . Right now the dilemma is that I am not sure about if I am ready to commit again, I know it seems so soon, but at the same time this feels right, him and I seem to fit and I am SO excited for him to come home and to meet his family because he talks about them all the time. But at the same time, I wonder if I am not being fair to myself. . .am I not giving myself enough time to be free. The thing is, as long as I am under my parents' roof I can't be free. . .but I can't move out yet because I am not financially sound yet. I am just afraid that if I tell him to post pone our relationship (which would pretty much mean no talking anymore) that I'll lose that chance with him later. So idk whether to go w/the safer smarter choice of waiting. . .or if I should risk getting hurt and such for something that I hope to develop into something more! What are some opinions you all have? I don't know if I mad
Other - Family & Relationships - 1 Answers
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1 :
Just go with it. You may get hurt, but if you don't do it now you will never know what would have happened. If you don't do it you may regret it later.
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This question is about relationship issues, fyi. I am going 2 have 2 tell u a really long story in order 2 allow u 2 understand things better, because I am really needing opinions, all are welcome, ((yes I will still choose what I consider the best)) I am just wanted any & all view points. (I'm going 2 put names 2 some people so that it's easier 2 discuss this.) So a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first i love you, first partner. We met the end of our Jr. year in high school, things moved slowly at first and it all seemed perfect. After almost a year we were engaged. Had been engaged for a while when we broke up the 1st time because of complications in our relationship. A month later got back together to give it one last shot and mutually decided to end it. A while later I start finding out things about my ex that I had a feeling might be true but never really knew until one of his friends told me and a couple of my friends told me things. This friend of my ex's who told me had never previously tried to put moves on me, he was just nice & that's all. In fact he thought I hated him because my ex(Henry) made him think that. Well this friend of his (Vince) and I started casually talking and before we knew it we were enthralled in deep conversation. So we moved it from facebook to skype and got on the next day and video chatted as well ((Vince is in the military so he is at a base across seas right now)) Before long we had feelings for each other and I was beaming! All I could think about was him and no other guy crossed my mind, I wasn't even interested in any other. So after about a week of talking I decided that since I was basically already being loyal to him that we'd put a bf/gf label on it. After a while things started hitting me like the fact that I was betrayed by Henry for a while and didn't even know it and started doubting my relationship with Vince. It is just hard to maintain that kind of relationship sometimes (keep in mind that we never felt anything for each other before now, so I don't even know what it'd be like in person with him because feelings change everything) Vince is the kind of guy that he is blunt, can be jerky but it's part of his nature and sometimes his charm, but he has a surprising sweet side. I think our personalities are a lot alike! When I think back on Henry and I, we really didn't have much personality traits in common, we shared similar values and had alike histories, but thats really it. I felt so much of a spark with Vince right off the get go. He frustrates me like hell sometimes! And we've already duked it out over skype and we've only been talking a couple weeks lol! Yet I still come back for more :P I don't get it either sometimes. What makes things difficult is we have a 7 hr times difference. Also, I am only 20 and haven't had my own freedom yet. I am leaving a juco this may and transferring to a university where I will be living in a dorm instead of my parent's house. I have been needing and wanting my freedom for a looong time! I am the oldest and have had so much been asked out of me when I was younger. Vince doesn't come home till around July - September and is only home a month. So I would either not be at the university yet, or will only have been there a short time. When Vince comes back we had planned on getting to know each other more and hanging out a lot. So I guess my point is another fear is what if I meet someone at the university while I'm with him. . .and will being with Vince affect my freedom? Vince will be home again the following April. See the thing is, Vince is amazing. . .where as Henry was really possessive and smothering, Vince is really not. He has great advice, he is level headed when he needs to be. He makes me laugh, makes me open up, be a bit daring, frustrates me all the time! He's seen me cry and comforted me even while being thousands of miles away, and he is good to me. . . Right now the dilemma is that I am not sure about if I am ready to commit again, I know it seems so soon, but at the same time this feels right, him and I seem to fit and I am SO excited for him to come home and to meet his family because he talks about them all the time. But at the same time, I wonder if I am not being fair to myself. . .am I not giving myself enough time to be free. The thing is, as long as I am under my parents' roof I can't be free. . .but I can't move out yet because I am not financially sound yet. I am just afraid that if I tell him to post pone our relationship (which would pretty much mean no talking anymore) that I'll lose that chance with him later. So idk whether to go w/the safer smarter choice of waiting. . .or if I should risk getting hurt and such for something that I hope to develop into something more! What are some opinions you all have? I don't know if I mad
Other - Family & Relationships - 1 Answers
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Just go with it. You may get hurt, but if you don't do it now you will never know what would have happened. If you don't do it you may regret it later.
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Wednesday, May 28, 2014
What should I do about this girl? Please help me, ladies?
What should I do about this girl? Please help me, ladies?
So, I'm a guy going to be a sophomore in high school next year, and there's this girl who's going to be a freshman in high school next year. (At the same school) The reason I even talked to her in the first place was because she's allowing me to style her hair. (She also knows that I'm straight). As of right now, we've actually been getting along really well. We both love music and playing instruments, and we're both nerds when it comes to video games and things like that. Recently, though, things have been getting interesting. We've been talking about things that she wouldn't normally discuss with other people, and she told me that she trusts me though she barely knows me. I told her that she was cute, and she said that though she didn't show it, that it meant a lot that I said that. Finally, she said that she likes me, but not in a romantic sort of way, but she had a boyfriend at the time that she said that. I told her how I feel (to a point), but she has yet to respond to my message. I just saw on Facebook that she is single, so maybe my message affected something. She still hasn't responded, and I don't know what to do so I don't mess up. What should I do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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Be yourself and talk to her normally for now. Make her laugh and suggest to hang out sometime. When the time is right ask her about her boyfriend, depending on her answer say to her that you hope she can be happy with someone because you think she is amazing and deserves someone good. Try and do it in person and give her a smile and look into her eyes and she might just fall for you! Good luck!
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So, I'm a guy going to be a sophomore in high school next year, and there's this girl who's going to be a freshman in high school next year. (At the same school) The reason I even talked to her in the first place was because she's allowing me to style her hair. (She also knows that I'm straight). As of right now, we've actually been getting along really well. We both love music and playing instruments, and we're both nerds when it comes to video games and things like that. Recently, though, things have been getting interesting. We've been talking about things that she wouldn't normally discuss with other people, and she told me that she trusts me though she barely knows me. I told her that she was cute, and she said that though she didn't show it, that it meant a lot that I said that. Finally, she said that she likes me, but not in a romantic sort of way, but she had a boyfriend at the time that she said that. I told her how I feel (to a point), but she has yet to respond to my message. I just saw on Facebook that she is single, so maybe my message affected something. She still hasn't responded, and I don't know what to do so I don't mess up. What should I do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
Be yourself and talk to her normally for now. Make her laugh and suggest to hang out sometime. When the time is right ask her about her boyfriend, depending on her answer say to her that you hope she can be happy with someone because you think she is amazing and deserves someone good. Try and do it in person and give her a smile and look into her eyes and she might just fall for you! Good luck!
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Wednesday, May 14, 2014
How do you get over someone you love? Help me figure things out...?
How do you get over someone you love? Help me figure things out...?
I'm going to be brutally honest in this post...I'm 19 and I have been dating my girlfriend since I was a senior in high school. We broke up 2 months ago after dating for a little over a year and I admit I'm still not over her. I had the best summer of my life last year with her. We were in love. She's beautiful, funny, and we just get along so well. However, we started having problems when she went away to college. I chose to stay close to home and go to our flagship state school on a scholarship. She picked a school about 4 hours away from home. To make things more difficult, I chose to stay home my first year and save money, while she obviously dormed at her new school. We lasted until April, and when there was only a couple weeks left in the year...she dumped me. I was so surprised, but i took it mildly well at first. We kept talking and texting regularly, it honestly felt like we were still dating even though we had just broken off our relationship. The way she broke up with me though...was simply terrible... She chatted me on facebook, of all things, and explained to me how things were too hard and she was doing bad in school, and we needed to take a break...I agreed to it...though I was upset and hurt obviously .4 days later, she was begging me to take her back and i told her we could talk about it that weekend. However...the night before we were supposed to talk...she kissed another guy...sober. She told me the next morning and I was upset and pissed. I told her we're done, but then she started threatening suicide...which scared the shit out of me, so of course, being the pushover to her I am, I took her back out of desperation. 3 days later...she dumped me again... We talked on and off until summer came...and then the night she came home I took her and some friends out to a party. We both got really drunk, and we hooked up. The next day she told me she wanted to get back together with me, but I was still hurt at that point. I told her we could discuss it after I finished my finals. She agreed and we hungout that week, fooling around and behaving like bf and gf basically... However, after finals, we just never talked about a relationship again. We still hungout for another week or so after that, but then, all of a sudden, we just stopped talking. I started to miss her a lot... I didn't text her though...idk if it was because I wanted to give her some space, or just out of sheer pride, but I didn't talk to her for a few weeks. Then she started texting me out of the blue like we were just friends and nothing ever happened. It was confusing and hurtful to me... I had no idea what was going on. Anyways, yesterday we hungout just the two of us for the first time in months. It's apparent that she is over me, and I am no where near over her. We talked a little about our relationship, but nothing major. She said the reason we broke up was distance and that we're too young. But is 19 really too young still? I know it's young...but I mean I have friends only a couple years older than me that are engaged... She also told me that she's transferring back to the area after next year or possibly next semester. I was surprised and didn't really know what to say to that. I've just never felt this depressed over someone. I feel lonely, hurt, used...it's pathetic but I can't shake the feeling. I understand people breakup when they go to college...but it's just so confusing how everything is transpiring between us. What should I do? I still care about her so much... I even took her out and bought her food and then went down on her for an hour last night... and the sad thing is, I want to do that again just so I can see her... I've never been this much of a mess over anyone before in my life. Should I keep seeing her and treating her well in hopes she'll want me back? Or should I cut her out of my life completely? Or should I just try to stay friends with her and look forward to dorming and meeting new people next year? I need help.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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Honey, its completely normal to feel depressed and upset after a breakup. But in all honesty, you need to move on with your life. Let yourself cry, scream, punch a bag, run, do what you need to let out the hurt and frustration and confusion. Do NOT go back with her. She is playing games with you because she is insecure and wants to have control over you. She likes playing these games with you b/c she knows she can come back to you if she needs to/ can't find anything better. You are last on her list now, and you need to man up and say its over. SHE WILL NEVER WANT YOU BACK. And if she does, it's to use you. There's a reason why you broke up. Maybe the reasons on the surface are a bit muddled, but deep underneath in the back of her mind, something has decided that things aren't going to work and she doesn't want to be committed to you the way you are committed to her. That's no way to have a relationship. It's hard to let go, I know. I was in a 1 yr relationship and was dumped through a text message. We tried to be friends but things got messy. It's over now, and you have to accept it. Pick up a new hobby and hang out with your guy friends. Take some time away from the dating world so you don't make the mistake of picking up a rebound girl. Then, once you are over her, go out there and find the girl that you deserve, b/c she's is so totally not it. best of luck.
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I'm going to be brutally honest in this post...I'm 19 and I have been dating my girlfriend since I was a senior in high school. We broke up 2 months ago after dating for a little over a year and I admit I'm still not over her. I had the best summer of my life last year with her. We were in love. She's beautiful, funny, and we just get along so well. However, we started having problems when she went away to college. I chose to stay close to home and go to our flagship state school on a scholarship. She picked a school about 4 hours away from home. To make things more difficult, I chose to stay home my first year and save money, while she obviously dormed at her new school. We lasted until April, and when there was only a couple weeks left in the year...she dumped me. I was so surprised, but i took it mildly well at first. We kept talking and texting regularly, it honestly felt like we were still dating even though we had just broken off our relationship. The way she broke up with me though...was simply terrible... She chatted me on facebook, of all things, and explained to me how things were too hard and she was doing bad in school, and we needed to take a break...I agreed to it...though I was upset and hurt obviously .4 days later, she was begging me to take her back and i told her we could talk about it that weekend. However...the night before we were supposed to talk...she kissed another guy...sober. She told me the next morning and I was upset and pissed. I told her we're done, but then she started threatening suicide...which scared the shit out of me, so of course, being the pushover to her I am, I took her back out of desperation. 3 days later...she dumped me again... We talked on and off until summer came...and then the night she came home I took her and some friends out to a party. We both got really drunk, and we hooked up. The next day she told me she wanted to get back together with me, but I was still hurt at that point. I told her we could discuss it after I finished my finals. She agreed and we hungout that week, fooling around and behaving like bf and gf basically... However, after finals, we just never talked about a relationship again. We still hungout for another week or so after that, but then, all of a sudden, we just stopped talking. I started to miss her a lot... I didn't text her though...idk if it was because I wanted to give her some space, or just out of sheer pride, but I didn't talk to her for a few weeks. Then she started texting me out of the blue like we were just friends and nothing ever happened. It was confusing and hurtful to me... I had no idea what was going on. Anyways, yesterday we hungout just the two of us for the first time in months. It's apparent that she is over me, and I am no where near over her. We talked a little about our relationship, but nothing major. She said the reason we broke up was distance and that we're too young. But is 19 really too young still? I know it's young...but I mean I have friends only a couple years older than me that are engaged... She also told me that she's transferring back to the area after next year or possibly next semester. I was surprised and didn't really know what to say to that. I've just never felt this depressed over someone. I feel lonely, hurt, used...it's pathetic but I can't shake the feeling. I understand people breakup when they go to college...but it's just so confusing how everything is transpiring between us. What should I do? I still care about her so much... I even took her out and bought her food and then went down on her for an hour last night... and the sad thing is, I want to do that again just so I can see her... I've never been this much of a mess over anyone before in my life. Should I keep seeing her and treating her well in hopes she'll want me back? Or should I cut her out of my life completely? Or should I just try to stay friends with her and look forward to dorming and meeting new people next year? I need help.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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Honey, its completely normal to feel depressed and upset after a breakup. But in all honesty, you need to move on with your life. Let yourself cry, scream, punch a bag, run, do what you need to let out the hurt and frustration and confusion. Do NOT go back with her. She is playing games with you because she is insecure and wants to have control over you. She likes playing these games with you b/c she knows she can come back to you if she needs to/ can't find anything better. You are last on her list now, and you need to man up and say its over. SHE WILL NEVER WANT YOU BACK. And if she does, it's to use you. There's a reason why you broke up. Maybe the reasons on the surface are a bit muddled, but deep underneath in the back of her mind, something has decided that things aren't going to work and she doesn't want to be committed to you the way you are committed to her. That's no way to have a relationship. It's hard to let go, I know. I was in a 1 yr relationship and was dumped through a text message. We tried to be friends but things got messy. It's over now, and you have to accept it. Pick up a new hobby and hang out with your guy friends. Take some time away from the dating world so you don't make the mistake of picking up a rebound girl. Then, once you are over her, go out there and find the girl that you deserve, b/c she's is so totally not it. best of luck.
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