Boyfriend of 3.5 years left me pregnant and hasn't spoken to me in weeks.?
ok, so all of my questions have been about this jerk, but here goes again because I am confused and hurt... so in the beginning my ex and I lived together almost 2 years... I got pregnant, a week later we lost the apartment (he lost his job back in December and then unemployment ran out so we couldn't afford it) then he dumped me, but begged me back and I said yes to be dumped again 3 days later (all that in early August). Well now things are even worse. He has played mind games and confused the crap out of me. He went with to my appointment on August 13th and seemed excited to see the ultrasound and he even told the doctor he wants a boy and he was actually helping me despite living 2 hours away. He called often and when he was at his dad's (only 10 minutes away from where I live) he would hang out with me and buy me stuff. Then things got bad again. He left back to his moms and his calls got less frequent and I couldn't even reach him. Then he came back the week of his birthday to get more of his stuff from his dad's house to move to his mom's (2hrs away). His 22nd birthday was August 26th. We hung out the day after his birthday and I bought him shoes and we went out to dinner. We discussed the things that went wrong in our relationship and we both agreed that right now there was no point to be together when we needed to work on ourselves to correct the problems if we ever wanted a future. We even discussed names for the baby and he mentioned something about if we ever have more kids we can name them all these other things... well, he left back to his mom's house the next day and then started ignoring me which made me crazy (obviously I am hormonal, too, so being ignored didn't help and I flipped out and called too much and sent too many messages, etc) well, he finally gets back to me that Tuesday and says we will talk later about all of this and he said he has been there for me when he was at his dads and bought me stuff and whatnot. Then he sent me a message on Facebook saying that he knew I had moved on and had someone else and that it upset him but he would get over it. I sent him back a message saying that was not the case and that, yea guys like me even though they know I am pregnant, but I haven't done anything with them. Well, he continued to ignore me after that and I didn't understand why. I got pissed again and told him that if he wanted to just ignore me that I wanted all my stuff back and that I had hung out with some new people and some of them were guys. I got ignored and ignored and ignored and then the following Tuesday I finally reach him and he gets all pissed at me and tells me he hopes my dating life is going good because he has been seeing someone down by his mom's house. I was really upset by this and sent him a million facebook messages calling him an a**hole and asking him why would he tell me he doesn't want me to move on and that he still cares and it would hurt him if I had someone else and he said he didn't know. The next day he sent the following message to me because I told him I can't leave him alone and we NEED to discuss the child... "yeah u can leave me alone please stop writing me i dont wanna talk to you.. i have a date in like 30 mins and hopefully i can get lucky again tonight!! so yeah keep ur head up and well U R gonna have a baby im gonna live life and man has it been great these last couple weeks!I dont really know what u want me too say so i hope ur dating life is going as good as u said cause ur gonna need a baby daddy im just gonna pay my share." I honestly vomited all over myself when I read this and I couldn't breathe. I then blacked out and got severely depressed. I sent him messages back after I calmed down telling him he was a pathetic slut and how could he do that to anyone and that he was just trying to hurt me and make me jealous and it was sad and I asked him how he could possibly treat me like that after such a long relationship and after being there and saying he wanted to be with me. Then I blocked him on facebook, but I regretted it by that Friday and sent him a message asking him how he could be so cruel to which I got the reply ,"u def should go on dates and fuck people cause i am and its really sad u think i love u still i havent in more than a year but this is for realz ami so do what u gotta do i only pretended to love u for the kids name that was it but now i dont care nor do i want it or you im done i have moved on and advise u to do the same it wasnt fun while it lasted and if i had any commonsense i would have left ur ass a long time ago so this is it goodbye man! p.s. please stop writing me or trying to get a hold of me i do not wanna talk to u EVER so please just stop i will contact u when im in town and have ur shit together." I am so confused and heartbroken at this point. He has not talked to me at all since and its been almost 3 weeks. I am also really pissed off because all of that was over facebook and he didn't even have the balls to call me or speak to me face to face. He has blocked me and has no phone so I can't even reach him and I am so mad. I just don't understand. We were best friends for 2 years before we got together and we had talked about marriage and he told me earlier this year in like May that he wanted to be with me and he wanted kids soon and then I got pregnant and everything changed. I just don't understand at all. I spoke to his mom (which he told me she hated me bc of a thing I did that is explained in a prior question) and she told me that he doesn't know what he wants, but when they were at the Chicago Bears training camp thing in early August he was telling everyone he still loved me and he missed me. She also said he wants to go to the army, but she doesn't even know if thats what he really wants. she told me I am in a way better place in my life and that she doesn't understand why he is being such a jerk. I also spoke to his dad and his dad said he does have a female friend down there, but he doesnt know if they are together and he doesn't know if my ex just said those things to be a jerk. He also asked me why I would want to be with someone who doesn't even respect me and said "I mean, its my son and I think he is being an a**hole." So both of his parents dont agree with his behavior, but he spends a lot of time with his sister cuz she lives down by his mom and she hates me. She has convinced him I am a terrible person, I am sure and she refuses to take blame in anything she has done to cause this situation (explained in prior question)... After he was down there he told me I was having this kid to trap him (not true, I got pregnant out of LOVE with a man I thought loved me, too plus we already aborted our first child and it made me seriously depressed) and he also said that he doesn't know if its his kid because we got in a nasty fight around the time of conception and he left for the night, but came back the next day and I stayed at the neighbors house because I was completely distraught, but I slept on the couch and NOTHING happened so it hurts. I have never been unfaithful. He has also never cheated the whole time we were together, even when we broke up for 2 weeks earlier this year in March he still called me everyday and I still spent the night at our apartment 3 days a week so it wasn't like we were really even broken up. I am so confused and hurt and I don't know if he really has someone or not, but he has been ignoring me for almost a month now and it hurts like hell. I have stopped trying to contact him and at this point I don't even know if its worth it to try to make things work if he does come around. I am in love with him still and I wish he would consider my health when he chooses to say and do such mean things while I am pregnant. I just don't get it. His mom and dad both think he will come around when he sees the baby if not sooner, but I dont want to wait around holding my breath for some douche that can't even see the awesome woman he had. I am smart, creative, dependable, responsible... I am graduating college in December, I have maintained my job for 5 years now, I have 2 internships for my final quarter in school... I am pretty... guys like me... I don't understand why HE doesn't see this. He is so lucky to have had me. Especially considering he didn't graduate high school, has no job, has no drivers license, nothing. He just resented me because I couldn't pay half the rent while I was in college and he hated being broke and it caused a lot of problems, but now I am about to graduate and he could have been a stay at home dad while I focused on my career. I had no problem being the bread winner, in fact, I kind of always wanted to be the head of household because my mom set that example for me by being one herself. So I guess I just need advice, or someone that can relate, or some sort of understanding as to what his problem is. Is this all stemming from jealousy on his part that other guys are interested in me despite me being pregnant now that he dumped me? How long should I just let him ignore me? I kind of need to know things about what he plans his role to be because he tells his family that he wants to be in the kids life and be there for the baby, yet he doesn't care about my health during pregnancy when it affects the child... I just don't know anymore. I also sometimes think that maybe one day we could try to have a 2nd chance, I would like a normal family and I think he is super scared right now too since he has nothing going for him but his looks... I also know that you can't try to build your 2nd chance on the 1st rocky foundation, it has to be completely destroyed and paved over to create a stronger foundation... is that just me being hopefully ignorant? I don't know what to do. I keep living my life and going to school and hanging out with friends and I want him to see that my life goes on without him because I don't want to feed his ego anymore and make him think he can just do whatever. Please help. Oh, and as far as ages, I am 24 and he JUST turned 22 and I know younger males freak out more easily. Please help!! p.s. sorry this is ridiculously long, I have been marinating in misery and have been trying to find answers since he sent that message, but I couldn't find anyone whose situation was like mine so I needed to get all the details out for the best help... I chose the abortion at the time because I was still in college and he and I were in a band together and we wanted to continue pursuing the music thing. He supported my decision either way at that time. He also knew I wasn't on birth control because it messed with my body too much, but its not like he wore condoms, and we always said if I DID get pregnant again we would keep it. So I didn't try to trap him at all. We made the baby out of love. I didn't choose to keep this baby because I wanted to trap him. I chose to keep it because after I aborted the first one I realized I was a horrible person and that everything deserves a chance at life. My abortion made me pro-life, sorry, not a trap, but thanks for your input cuz he is a total jerk. and the abortion was last year in March... this year he was saying how he wanted kids. So, he obviously DID want to have kids with me but then I actually got pregnant and he freaked out, but he also talked at the beginning of this pregnancy about kids he wanted to have with me AFTER this kid. So, its definitely not trapping. And at this point I am confused on whether I even want him to be a part of this at all because I don't want to go to court for the next 18 years figuring out visitations/child support/etc. I'd rather he signed away his rights completely because I don't need him. I am the one who has my life in check, he is the one all over the place. sorry, I didn't know what TTC was... but I wasn't exactly trying. The old pull out method just isn't that effective. And I kind of think he tried to get me pregnant because one night he KNEW I wasn't on birth control and he decided to not pull out for whatever reason, well, duh... of course when you don't even try to pull out you are going to probably for sure get the chick pregnant.
Pregnancy - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm really sorry..I'm sure you're very hurt.. it's the best if you leave him alone..for you and your child. stress on baby isn't good.
2 :
bottom line, this guy is a loser and obviously young. he does not know what he wants out of life. you need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU and your BABY!!!! You two are the only people that count! Believe me when I say that I know your pain, I do. And please learn from my mistakes. Ignore him. I used to keep a notebook of everytime I wanted to talk to him, and I'd write it down instead of call/see him. You have reached a point that all women reach when pregnant (with supportive men or not) - YOU are now the responsible one because YOU are all that baby has. Worrying about a jerk, will only make you sad and put a strain on your body. Move on. The future is not set in stone. If he's meant to come around, he will. In the meantime focus all that love on that baby!!!!!
3 :
OMG your poor kid. At least you have it in writing that he wants nothing to do with the child, and that he will pay his share. Take him up on that. I don't care how freaked out he might be about this pregnancy this guy is obviously a huge jerk and you should move on. He is obviously not the man you thought he was, grieve, then let him go and worry about you and your baby. Did he know you were TTC? Cause if he didn't then yes, that's trapping. Especially after it was clear from your abortion he didn't want to have kids with you.
4 :
Oh my....I'm so sorry for you! But the others have said it all by now...he's immature, he is basically a jerk who has no idea what to do with his life, and clearly doesn't want the responsibility of being a father. Tell me, is that what you want for YOUR life? I mean, I know everyone tells you to think about your baby, and it's true!, but, your own feelings and life is a stake here too! Do you really want him to come back and say "I'm sorry", and get back to you? Do you truly think that will be it and he will be miracoulusly happy and ready to be a father and husband/life partner??? I don't think so...and deep inside, you know he's not. So, I think you should try to get some kind of professional help, or a counselor, go to church, talk to your pastor/priest, someone who can help you and guide you to overcome this problem....and focus on YOUR life and YOUR BABY. Don't let this jerk ruin your life and your pregnancy...move on, don't beg him for love or attention...he clearly doesn't deserve you, or your baby's love! Move on, focus on the future, and things will get better. I really encourage you to go to church, get close to God, He can heal your heart :) Lots of blessings!!! :)
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