I have so much hatred... what can I do to destroy it?
It all started on August 12, 2009. My life circumstances have gone totally downhill and I have stored so much hatred against two people, the ones responsible for all my disgrace until this very second I'm writing. I had a good job in Northern Virginia. Good pay, my own apartment, good friends, and an overall stability. Though my job was never the best environment, this date I mentioned above, changed my life and up to now it has been all generally bad. I had a question on a job I was doing and I went to my supervisor. He took the time to ask me a question to test my knowledge and I could not provide the right answer. His mood went bad. He told me he was shocked and began to scold me for past works, that I was taking long and from there, it just went really bad. I did not have a good evaluation even after taking my free time to study and read and get up to speed because his question went more difficult and more difficult. In September, he gave me a job but never told what was the deadline, so I tried to do it the best I could, and it was my very first time doing such a job. The following day he came to me to ask me if I was finished, but I was just on my 20%. So I took the job home and tried to rush and kept working until 4:30am. I did not sleep much, and I delivered the job next day. Everything seemed ok. The next week one of my coworkers found a mistake and told him and he scolded me inside his office with the door shut criticizing my job. Next day he gave me a "technical" evaluation and he told almost two hours just to mention how bad I was doing. Then, a couple of weeks later, because I was going to have a new supervisor because this SOB went to another branch, he took my new supervisor for the final evaluation. He denigrated me in front of the other, passing the bad perception to him because though my personal relationship with the new supervisor was somehow better, he still gave me a bad evaluation later. I quickly noticed when discussing with him that he was simply afraid to give me a good evaluation because it would seem weird and could cause a bad perception on his boss in terms of inconsistency. But the thing that worsened the situation was this f@#$ SOB co-worker, he mocked me every way he could, in Facebook, in Evite Invitations, in e-mails, I was a fool to not have reported him I know, but this guy I am sure was the masterpiece author of all my disgraces there. He mocked a handicapped co-worker as well and was extremely troublesome with many people around- but he had 15 years of experience and so he delivered good jobs in short time, which is basically what matters to most companies. He went to some of my friends to talk about me and how bad I was doing, but they knew better and noticed he was a prick. Some of them ended infuriated with him because of personal problems with him (which I had nothing to do with). He even slammed a door to one of the female workers in the office. So, having made very good friends and liking the area (I still talk to them today), I made the sad decision to give up my independence and stability and had to resign, had to leave the area and now I am in Florida. Before leaving, the supervisor gave me fair evaluation and even a portrait. Weird, right? Here I am- living my parents, passing through very tough moments, have no money, no independence, bored, have applied to hundreds of jobs and it is now, almost one year later, that I have been contacted for interviews. It is now that I am feeling some sort of comfort but my first interview did not work, I believe I did well but they simply chose someone better; and now I am waiting for another interview, it was going to be yesterday but they had to postpone it to sometime in the future they don't still know. They said they were going to call me to set the new time, but I guess I have to wait. Nevertheless, there is a big situation in my family which is going to burst pretty soon and I will have to presence it. My friends there in Virginia keep having a lot of success (and I am happy with them!) while here I am, stuck, stagnant, fu@#$% depending on my parents like a fu@#$% kid, 28 years old I am supposed to have a home, independence, I have tried lots of jobs in my field and unrelated to my field but the freakin' economy is bad and I have no freakin' clue when I will have a job, and all of this is thanks to those two f@#$% SOB that I hate with all my heart! I am in the point I am cursing them everyday, my hatred against them is so, so strong, they have made my life miserable, I remember by good times as an independent man and thanks to with those f@#$%%'s I am here waiting for a big problem to burst in my family and having to be here when it happens (I have nothing to do with it), not be able to travel around because I have no money. I was raised a Christian and I never hated anyone, of course there have been incidents with some people, but these two are the ones that h
Religion & Spirituality - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Anger Management/Counseling
2 :
You will have to stop acting like a kid if you want to be not treated like one. I read this and i thought it was like a 15 year old or something
3 :
Go to your knees and pray that the Holy Spirit will calm your mind and give you peace. Spend more time studying the word of God in the Holy Bible and try to be obedient to God's will in all that you do. There will be no more room in your heart for hate.
4 :
Counseling... or marijuana
5 :
Well calm down. I know that you have hate in your heart but you -have- to let it go and you-have- to forgive them. You need to ask God for the strength to move on with your life and to forget about your past. It's done and over with, there is nothing you can do. You have to forgive those who wrong you if you want to be forgiven by God. So take it for what it is and let it go. Ask God to help you love these people. Pray for them everyday that they learn how to treat people better. Life is hard for a lot of people out there now, not just you. So be grateful that you even have a family to turn to in a time of need, and you aren't homeless! Have faith that God will take care of you and He will. Read the New Testament with an open heart. Be accepting of Jesus Christ and let go of all your anger and hate. Talk with God in prayer and allow Him to heal you.
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