my mom is ruining my relationships?
i'm 20 years old and in college. my mom has been very controlling over my relationships and truthfully she has gotten kind of psycho. she will send my boyfriends threatening text messages and emails them on facebook. i talked to her about it and finally got her to stop, but it's really a big deal because she totally disregards my privacy and independence. although i live at home i think it's totally unfair for her to dictate to me who i can and cannot date. that's wrong. my ex boyfriend recently "graduated" from rehab. i know it seems like it's a bad idea, but we have discussed things over. he has told me that he is willing and able to handle a relationship. and he has shown signs of change. he has to get drug tested every 2 weeks anyway so he's staying clean. the thing is my mom hates him and will get really mad if she finds out we're dating again. i don't want to lie to her but i also think it's unfair for her to constantly judge me. i don't have a lot of friends because he was first and foremost my best friend and then we started dating. i really care about him and want to be with him. how should i handle this? I know people fresh out of rehab should not be in a relationship. He knows this too, but he's the one who intiated it. It wasn't me. And he's not dependent upon me nor will he become dependent on me because we already discussed these things. and I don't give my mom their phone numbers, she uses my phone and texts them pretending to be me. i'm not that stupid. i've already told her i am a grown woman and that i can handle it on my own. she doesn't listen. First of all Peggy, there's no need for you to call me selfish and immature. I am not being immature nor selfish. I talked to him and made sure he was emotionally ok with all of this. If anything you would understand that I'm the only good influence in his life. His friends are all drug addicts. Rehab suggests that you don't have any NEW relationships once you get out. I'm not new. I've been in his life for 6+ months. I'm actually helping him. Second of all, I do have a job and I do practically everything on my own. It is my decision to date who I want. And third of all I am focused on school, there's no need for you to call me out. I was pre-med and just switched to pre-law. I have a 3.6 gpa. I am pretty focused on school.
Singles & Dating - 7 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
kick her in the head
2 :
People fresh out of rehab should not be in any relationship for at least their first year of sobriety please don't jeopardize his progress by resuming your relationship sop soon! If you have feelings for him be his friend for now and nothing more until he is fully capable of maintaining his sobriety on his own, addicts can come to depend on people as much as they depended on their drug of choice and you don't want to be his next addiction! If you want to see other guys I would suggest you not give their phone numbers to your mother and tell her to butt out! If she can't see if maybe a couple of your friends could like to share an apartment with you? You need to tell your mother politely that you are a grown woman and capable of making your own decisions on life and if you can't do that under her roof you'll do it elsewhere. Good luck :)
3 :
In one ear and out the other. You're old enough to do what you want. It might take a while but in the end she'll see she can't win and eventually give up.
4 :
Will your mama do the same thing for all your BF, if not then she is protecting you only if not then there is something really wrong with your mama. In the first scenario, you should sit down with your mama and discuss it with you mama and Point out that you are grown up now but try to get why she do not like him because she can see the situation from out side (while you only think from your heart). The second scenario is the worst one, and if so try to stand up and take a position for your self (shrink)
5 :
I have a mum like that. So I moved out and don't talk to her anymore. Sounds harsh I know but that's not the full story. My life is so much better now.
6 :
Okay, you have to hide this from her then. Also, don't do anything which may risk the guy's progress. Since, he's just out of rehab, don't cause any emotional pain to him.
7 :
First of all, she has a reason for being concerned if they are all like this bf of yours. He needs to take rehab seriously. You are not doing him any favors by being with him. There is a serious reason for them saying that he needs time alone. that is for him to think about why he got so bad and what he wants for his future. As long as you are in the picture, he will not be focusing only on himself. That is what he needs to do to get himself back together. You are being selfish by agreeing to seeing him again. You could unintentionally ruin his life by hindering his recovery whether your realize it or not!!! Try not being so selfish and immature. Let him go. As for your mother, it is her house and she can do as she pleases if she pays the bills. You are 20, and can get a job and find yourself a place to live. I do not agree with what she is doing, but as long as she is paying your bills, she is going to be in your business. Maybe she is just trying to make sure you get a good education and do not get involved in anything that could cause you harm. That is what loving mothers do. If you were more mature, she would not have to be doing all of this to keep you focused on school.
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