Husband issues-- what's really going on?
My husband has been acting very strange lately. We are actively trying to get pregnant. He is a physician so he has to work long hours, which I know stresses him out. The problem is, he is being very weird about things lately. The thing that set him off today was that I posted a link to a car I want to get (not realistic at the moment) on Facebook. I know I'm not getting a new car anytime soon, but I always do stuff like that on facebook-- it's fun to post things you like and all my friends do it. He got really mad about it and said that he wanted me to remove all of "his friends" from my facebook account because he didn't want them seeing things like that, which makes no sense to me. He also has been making me buy a lot of things lately. I own a store which hasn't made money yet (it's in it's first year) so I haven't been able to pay myself a salary yet. I make money by selling clothes and merchandise on ebay. Even though I do that, I still don't have much money personally. He will make me go spend $100 on groceries twice a week, plus pay both our cell phone bills and anything else I need to buy. The thing that makes me really upset is that he spends his own money frivolously on all sorts of stuff. He buys sports memorabilia, jetskis, home stereo equipment, a 70" TV, and other things like that. If I ever want to go shopping or anything, I have to use my own money. He never buys me anything "unnecessary". He never buys me birthday or anniversary gifts. I am just starting to feel like he doesn't really care and that I'm just the trophy wife. I really feel like I don't matter to him anymore, and he doesn't care about me as a person. He wants to have a baby as much as I do, but I feel like he just wants me to be the "birth mother". I am getting very depressed about it and don't know what to do. I know I may sound spoiled, but he's not being a proper husband. He doesn't pay any attention to me, interrupts me when I'm talking, and never lets me watch what I want to on tv. Everything in our house is the way he wants it and I have no say. If I move some furniture around, he'll make me move it back. I just don't know what to do or how to discuss this with him. He's a great guy when he pays attention to me, but it seems like he gets so wrapped up in his own life that he forgets that I have feelings too. It's true that he does pay MOST of the bills. He knows that I don't have the means to support myself fully, let alone chip in and help pay the mortgage. If I was making money, believe me, I would. I bought the store as an investment in OUR future, so that I would have an income. We do live separate lives. It's so frustrating to me because he sees no need to give me access to HIS bank account or HIS money. I know that he does pay for most things, but if I were a stay at home mom like my mom was, wouldn't he have to pay all of it? I just don't understand my life. Who said I married him for money? I don't need his money-- my parents have enough of it, I could have stayed with them. He was a different person when I married him.
Marriage & Divorce - 18 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
talk to him. who knows what's going through his brain.
2 :
talk to him about it and make him see.... what i have never been able to understand is why are you guys living "separate" lives when ur MARRIED? you guys should be paying bills together, go shopping together. there shoulnt be "his money" "your money". UR MARRIED and need to work together and make decisions.... and be supportive. so again i dont know how to help, i would just go talk to him, work on your marriage a little more before you have a child. you dont want to drag a kid in the combo if ur dealing with this kind of stuff.
3 :
whose paying your mortgage? your car? the important bill...he probably feels since he is putting a roof over your head then his deed is done. or like u should earn your own way. why would u try and get pegnant with someone who puts you down all the time and doesnt sound like he loves you? you sound like my grandma who is 85, miserable but a trophy wife. the facebook thing is wierd too he sounds controlling and possesive. doesnt he have sick patients to worry about? what a wierdo!!! I think you should communicate to him that you are not happy!
4 :
He doesn't see you as an equal which is not good. His reaction to the car thing was very immature. I have a long wish list that I know I will never get but it will never stop me from dreaming...he needs to grow up.
5 :
You must confront him. Talk back, complain, let him know how you feel about the relationship. Yes that might be risky but unless you take some risks the relationship will stagnate. Unless you are able to make him sit down and discuss some of the problems you have with him, nothing will change. This is how most marriages fail: one party fails to speak up. Do you really want him to determine your life? You must let him know what you expect. Check out my source and find out "How to Blow Your Top Safely."
6 :
Why did you marry him in the first place? Was it because he's a doctor? That's what you get when you marry for money. You should tell him you want to go to school and get a degree. That way, if the marriage ends, you'll have something to fall back on. I'm sure he could pay for schooling since it would help you make more money in the long run.
7 :
You need to tell him either he straighten his s.h.i.t out or you divorce him because you're not putting up with this crap.
8 :
i could not get past a grown women being on facebook interesting...and very telling
9 :
How long is "lately"? This guy is a classic control freak. Things are only going to get worse. If you aren't pregnant yet, then stop actively trying to get pregant. Get some BCPs if you have to. You are probably more right about just being the birth mother than you think. Make a plan, and then get out from this marriage. Control freaks gradually alienate you from your friends, family, and co-workers, until they are your only source of emotional support. Then they control you. Get out of this ASAP - otherwise, I can guarantee you'll wind up miserable.
10 :
wow this guy sounds like a dick, forget having ne kids with this asshole dump his ass and move on.
11 :
If you are NOT happy, DO NOT bring a child into the situation, try marital counseling and other resources, and if that works, great, but if it does not then it is time for a change. Please do not put a child in a situation of unhappiness, they do not ask to be born, and they do not deserve to be abused, or treated unfairly in any way. Tami Pepperman Victim/Child Advocate tamikay23@hotmail.com
12 :
get a journal , Works wonders in court! FOR EVERYTHING !!
13 :
let's be clear - people are what they are - they DO NOT CHANGE!! so if you don't like the way he is treating you and you have tried to explain it to him you have two choices - 1- accept him for what he is - selfish and self centered or 2- dump his butt
14 :
Seems controlling...I'm there not to the same extent but I"m there.
15 :
Yeah, he doesn't sound like a partner in a marriage does he. I would put the pregnancy plans on hold until he changes his ways. You could tell him that he needs to start being a true spouse or you will divorce him and take half of it all. And since you do not have any income, he will be paying you spousal support depending what state you live in. The majority of your marital assets(cash, cars, property, investements) should be in joint accounts and separate, equally funded individual accounts. He doesn't realize that half of everything he makes is yours does he? Make him understand that and things should start to change. If not, divorce papers and see what kind of tune he sings. You deserve better, he's holding you hostage via finances and is an abusive behavior. You're his wife! He needs to treat you as such.
16 :
You are just plain going to have to tell him you need to talk to him seriously, & set aside a specific day & time to do it. Don't let him wangle out of it, but it is necessary for you to have your say in just how you feel & what your feelings are. No, he is NOT treating you fairly from all you described. I mean come on, you live there too, you sure should at least have some say in where you at least want to move a piece of furniture! I'd tell him that at times, you wonder what you're even doing there, what good are you actually to him. He leads your very life & it seems like you cannot do anything w/o his approval. Even as far as telling you what to do on the computer. What does it matter what you put on it as long as you're not playing around or cheating on him. He should have no say in those ridiculous things he's nit picking on. I don't know what type practice he has, but if he keeps it up, he needs to go to a "head Dr." himself! You must talk to him & tell him how you at least feel about EVERYTHING. I'd even go as far as to tell him if he keeps putting you last in everything he does, that you're seriously thinking of going out on your own & finding someone who just might appreciate you more, someone who would at least treat you like a "normal" human being. You cannot keep being his personal puppet all your lives together. This is just not fair nor is it even normal. To be honest, I'd even think twice first about having this baby w/him. Is it just going to make matters better, or is it actually going to make matters worse! Give that one a good tho't too before you bring a child into the world & end up having a child suffer for it also. You've got to get these issues straightened out first before you have this child. You stated that he's a great guy when he pays attention to you, but just how often is that, or when is that?! You've got to lay all your cards out on the table & get things straightened out, & I wouldn't put it off. Now is the time. All the best to you...:)
17 :
Talk to him, and ask him why your buying everything when your in this relationship together. After all, you ARE both in this relationship. Partners have there fair share on money if they ARE fair. You could pay the cell phone bill for you, and buy the groceries on what you need rather than a set limit each week. And he could pay his cell phone bill, and pay the 2nd lot of shopping. I don't think your ready for a baby yet. I'd wait till the sea's less stormy. As in, your relationship isn't so rocky. You need to understand that having a baby won't heal this relationship, usually when adults have them through rough patches in a relationship, it makes it worse. Good luck!
18 :
People invest their money and time in things they care about. If he isnt investing either in you - then he isnt being the husband you will need if youhave a child together. Better tell him now - give him a chance to change. People can and do change -
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