Divorce after only two months?
My husband and I were married just short of two months ago. I am 19, and he is 18. He is in the US Army & was being sent to Korea after only three months of dating. We decided that we just couldn't live without each other, and felt like we knew enough about each other to make that commitment. We had never fought when we were dating, and we loved everything about each other. We get married, and the DAY AFTER our wedding, we had our first fight. He walked out, and didn't come back for hours. I was left in a hotel room crying alone. On the day before Valentine's Day, I was trying to discuss with him when he would use his leave (time off) to come home, and he said that I would just have to come to Korea to visit him, that he wasn't leaving until his tour was over. I simply said "that's not what we had talked about" and he blew up on me. He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything. But later that night, he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go. In so many words, he told me that nothing going on in my life mattered, that he had been through so much worse. So, I told him just to let me go cool down, and we would talk when we would both actually TALK instead of yell. Well, he decides to say "yeah, walk away you stupid f***** b****. This is while we are living in my PARENTS house, until he leaves for Korea. My father was home at the time of this..and it was like my husband did not care at all. He kept telling my dad that I was a b**** & sent all of his facebook friends messages about how his wife is a "royal b****" He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment, and I have read recently that this is a sign of an abuser. He blows up over the smallest things. The most recent occurence was just this past weekend. Friday, he accused me of not taking my birth control, and attempting to get pregnant knowing that he is against it. Instead of confronting me about this however, he takes the route of asking my best friend & making her promise not to tell me (high school much?) I overhear the conversation, and ask him about it. He gets extremely angry with me over it, and so I go sit outside alone just to calm down. Eventually, my mom, and three friends come out there. My husband comes out, gets in my face, and starts yelling and cursing. in front of EVERYONE. Once again, he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face, until my father almost stepped in and handled it himself. Everyone is telling me that if he treats me this way in front of other people, how is it going to be when it is just me and him? he promises me that he would never hit me, but deep down, I really am terrified of him. We have had multiple talks about how things were going to have to change for this to work, but he will "change" for a day, and go right back to doing these things. He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes. I have never been one to believe in divorce, but I am not going to live this way. I feel like I haven't given it an honest shot yet, but with the way he makes me feel, I also don't see the point in trying anymore. I want to go back to college, and make a life for myself, I don't want to have to be dependent on someone who can hold it over my head. I want to do so many things, that I know will never happen with him. I thought that marrying him was the right thing, but now I'm seriously considering divorce.. Under the circumstances, is it too soon to quit?
Marriage & Divorce - 19 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
its never to soon to quit.
2 :
This is why they should raise the legal age you can get married...nobody in their teens should be allowed to marry. You kids just aren't ready for a real relationship...
3 :
Get a divorce, if he refuses, get ahold of his commanding officer, they won't put up with his crap.
4 :
Well you are very young. Marriage at 18 and 19 is not to smart. I know what is done is done but it sounds like you guys kinda rushed into it. If I were you I would either see a councilor or you may considor divorce. I'm sorry about your situation. Good luck.
5 :
dump him now. he's abusive and unstable. now you know that it takes more than a couple of months to get to know someone fully, let alone marry them. please divorce him. this guy is fully capable of doing something terrible to you. he's no good and he will only bring misery to your life. its not too soon to quit because if he's like this so early on, he'll only get worse. you know it but you just have to admit it to yourself.
6 :
i think yu werent thinking when yu decided to marry,dating and marriage ,are 2 different things. yu were scared to be away from each other,and yu took the step yu are not ready for. i think getting yo marriage annuled is the best way. yu think you know each other but its puppy love. his showing his true colors and he feels tied down to you.
7 :
No, it is not. You jumped into marrying him after only 3 mos. of dating and he has multiple signs of being an abuser. Get out NOW! Don't look back.
8 :
well even though he has alot of stress on him atm he shouldn't act that way and it is never to soon or to late to quit if you are unhappy an have tryed to cope and be there an fix things separate for a bit let him have time to think about it if no change file for divorce. but he does sound like he may go off the deep end so to speak one day and him with his training may even kill ya RUNNN
9 :
If you don't feel it in your heart and you are scared of him. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. You are going to be stuck in this situation if you dont get out. The sooner, the better. Military life is not easy. I am an Air Force wife. I married my husband when we were both 18. We've been married for 3 years now and been together for 6. I love him with all my heart and many people envy our marriage. If you guys cannot work things out and be adults about this situation, you will NEVER make it through military life. I promise you this. This will not be the first time he has to leave, trust me. Follow your heart but it's not too soon if you can't handle it. You need to decide if it's worth it to you. If it's not, you can probably get an annulment this early.
10 :
You need to let him go to Korea alone. Then divorce this guy. You married too soon apparently this guy is not ready for commitment or has the patient for a wife. He seems to be an abuser and Im surprised your father took so long to step in. This guy will get worse over time if you keep letting it go. He needs to grow up and take some anger management classes and then figure if you two are ready for a marriage. Good luck I do hope you make the right decision.
11 :
Both of you are far to young and mentally unstable to be in a marriage. There seems to be stress on both sides. Your family is right, once he gets you alone and goes off he will hit you. Love isn't being terrified. In your circumstances I would get an annulment. You need to both grow first, experience life, have a career, a home before marriage comes.
12 :
One word with explanation-DIVORCE (not yelling). Your husband is a well trained man with POWER (not yelling) behind his anger and strenght. You need to find a secure place to call his commanding officer and let him know what he is doing to you, then take it to the police and then run to shelter for safety. The next steps follow. My second marriage started out almost like that. He was an alcoholic, drug addict/dealer, abusier, raped me from day one, was threatened if I leave he would hunt be down and kill me, his street life was home life, etc. He spent time in and out of jails and once in prison. I am now a crimnal because of him. He finally commited suicde. Leave and run far so he cannot find you. Even if you got to get a restraining order. Go to a shelter for abused women, before you end up at the morgue. Then your parents and friends will have to identify you. Run as fast as you can. And pray-God be with you.
13 :
That is the problem when you have only dated for three months. Three months is when the true colors of the person you are in a relationship starts coming out (but i guess some people are luckily who marry after a month of knowing a person because they connect like two peas in a pod). From this time you should be able to weed out the good from the bad on whether you are able to pursue or not. I think you rushed marriage..but i am not going to go into that. To be honest he has anger management issues, a lack of respect for you..and even if i was to say that you both need to opt for counseling. I think from your description he has pride and ego and wouldn't even want to go. To be honest i really do not know what you can do in this situation. But i hate to say it...it seems that divorce is speaking out in volumes here.
14 :
No, it's not too soon to quit. Quit while you are a head. Don't wait for the time that he would kill you if you have a fight. No man could ever change that way if he really loved his wife. Maybe he had suffered from abuse when he was young, maybe that is the situation he grow up with. I don't know but he needs help. If he really love you, he would take care of you, handle you like a very fragile crystal that in a slight mistake would break. If he really love you, he will treat you with respect when making love. If he really love you, he would pay respect to your parents especially at your parents house. Honestly, you had suffered from marital abuse not only physically, but also verbally, mentally and emotionally for such a short period of time. Divorce is not the solution, file for an Annulment. I got married young also and we have been married for 17 years now and my husband never treated me like that. Sure we have our fights, our ups and downs and trials in life but he never treated me like that. If we have a fight, he never walked out on me for hours, and we often make a compromise and meet up with it.
15 :
honey you need to get out now before something bad happens to you. this man is a ticking time bomb!
16 :
He is a classic abuser, they always have "crying spells" which is total BS and they ALWAYS hurt you very badly or worse, you need to get rid of him NOW and get a divorce and cut off all contact with him, he is the type who flips out and kills people one day, don't wait around for that, he is deeply disturbed.
17 :
Get out and get out now!!! You made a bad decision when you agreed to marry a man that you barely knew. 3 months dating is nothing. Of course you didn't fight while you were dating, no one fights in the first 3 months that they know someone. Don't make this bad decision worse by staying with this extremely controlling and abusive man any longer. He may not have been physically abusive yet but what you describe is emotional abuse and even if he never laid a hand on you, living with emotional abuse can be just as destructive to you as physical abuse. He isn't likely to let you go easy tho. Contact his commanding officer and tell him what's happening. Contact the police to give them a heads up and make arrangements to go somewhere that he can't find you. My niece had to move clear across the country to get away from her abusive ex but it was the best thing she ever did. She's with a really good man now. "He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything." "he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go" "walk away you stupid f***** b****. " "He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment" "he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face" These are all huge warning signs. Pay attention to them!! You say yourself that you're terrified of him, how can you even think of remaining in this marriage. "He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes." This is classic manipulation that all abusers use. He may even really love you in his own sick twisted way but is this the kind of love you want in your life? I hope not. There are good men in the world who will treat you good and be caring about your feelings and needs. I'm not normally one to suggest divorce but when abuse is involved there really is no other option. This isn't a failure on your part, you made a bad decision - learn from it and move on with your life.
18 :
Honey. Run as fast and as far away from this as you can. It's only going to get worse not better. You owe it to yourself to be in a relationship where you feel loved and respected.
19 :
If the military didn't straighten his a@@ out on this, he's never going to change. You're being abused physically and mentally, and I don't care if bi@#$ boy just caught Osama, you need to get an annulment. He has no reason to change, and sadly, the only thing you can take away is yourself. If he is so unwilling to change- one day doesn't count- you need to give him a reason to, and that's you coming back. If you had college plans you should have married him after you graduated, it would have given you something to stand on and him time to mature.
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Saturday, June 14, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
need motivation and people's opinion?
need motivation and people's opinion?
okay,this may be long but I hope someone can help. So I'm a community college student and I am on this "crossroad" dilemma. I apply to transfer to a 4 year university in California after being at a community college for 3 years. I am already got in to 1 and I'm on my last 2 weeks waiting for 4 more admission decisions. As I wait for these decisions, I have been thinking about my life within the last 3 years after high school graduation. The last 3 years have been weird. What happen is that i live a sort of uncommon life in comparison to my friends to my friends and peers. I dedicate myself to my studies these days that I happen to become a loner. I rarely go out with friends anymore. And some of group of friends that I kind of wish I could spend more time have a flaw: they're friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I have low paying job since I want to get a car but the only problem is I only work once a week and finding a better paying job are away and definitely need a car. Almost all my peers have cars and they're enjoying the heck out of their lives. From my observation is that I feel that I'm missing out the fun in my early 20's. First of all, my closest friends don't go to college and they work. So I can't discuss school related stuff as often. Plus,they're into video games, which I'm not. Another draw back is that those who do go to school (community college or university) are not majoring in science so I feel the weird one. I love science because of the fact that while its difficult,I'm actually learning stuff. Not to criticize liberal art majors but the harder courses make you think "outside the box" like in calculus or chemistry (funny thing though is that I need some psychological help in my question;irony,lol!). Anyways, the biggest problem I have is when people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. Now, I have dated about once or twice but at those times, I just felt uncomfortable being with another person. I just didn't felt in the mood of a relationship; I didn't have feelings for that person. So it bugs me when some of my friends (guy or girl) ask me why I'm not in one. For me, I feel that I want to transfer out to a good school because I don't want to work in low paying job as I am right now;I really care about education and it saddens me that some just view it as a chore or something. But while my friends respect my decision, my ex-girlfriends ask me the same question. At this point, I am like "wth???why do you care?". What happen is that I use to try to get her back with me for 2 years after she broke up with me. So I decided that once she was in college,I will never ever talk to her again (in person). We have always been friends online since we broke up but we have added and deleted each other several times. The last time she deleted me, I decided I will not be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. She added me again in December but I vow not to chat her on facebook. She has always started the conversation the few times I spoke to her in Fb. But the last 2 times she kept mentioning "her man" and that she was serious about him and she was going to drop out of college for him (her current boyfriend is about to graduate next year and they plan to come back to California since she is at Iowa). And while I could care less now, yesterday she ask about "any lucky gals out there for me?" after she had mention her bf many times before. It feels she is rubbing it in my face because she knows I was in deep love for her 3 years ago. So in essence,I am asking what should I do about my life as I go on with my life.Should I work hard to get a car(I don't think I need a car since I plan to dorm when I transfer)?What should I do with my closest friends(should I try to be into video games because that's like the one thing they're super into)?what should I do with my ex-girlfriend(I wanted to delete her on Facebook but I want to show that I'm stronger than her and that I have move on. Seriously, I feel like I'm competing against her. I don't care about relationships right now because I have not gotten that feeling to be someone yet.EEERRR,but I want to show that the day she left me was her biggest mistake(btw,the break up was on 2008)). I can wait to transfer out so I can finally meet some people with the same interest like me and possibly find a good girl that cares about me.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
It's a long read. First, don't look back. Stop thinking about the past three years. Instead focus on the next three years. About your friends: If your friends have different interests than yours, then try to look for new friends that shares the same interest as you are. Remember, birds of a same feather flocks together, so it's understandable that you will not be compelled to stick with your old friends. About your ex-girlfriend: Move on. Meet someone else. The easiest way to get him out of your mind is to meet someone else. About motivation: Set a goal. If you think you need to get a car to get yourself motivated, then do it. Don't let yourself get distracted by things. I recommend reading the link below to get you more motivated.
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okay,this may be long but I hope someone can help. So I'm a community college student and I am on this "crossroad" dilemma. I apply to transfer to a 4 year university in California after being at a community college for 3 years. I am already got in to 1 and I'm on my last 2 weeks waiting for 4 more admission decisions. As I wait for these decisions, I have been thinking about my life within the last 3 years after high school graduation. The last 3 years have been weird. What happen is that i live a sort of uncommon life in comparison to my friends to my friends and peers. I dedicate myself to my studies these days that I happen to become a loner. I rarely go out with friends anymore. And some of group of friends that I kind of wish I could spend more time have a flaw: they're friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I have low paying job since I want to get a car but the only problem is I only work once a week and finding a better paying job are away and definitely need a car. Almost all my peers have cars and they're enjoying the heck out of their lives. From my observation is that I feel that I'm missing out the fun in my early 20's. First of all, my closest friends don't go to college and they work. So I can't discuss school related stuff as often. Plus,they're into video games, which I'm not. Another draw back is that those who do go to school (community college or university) are not majoring in science so I feel the weird one. I love science because of the fact that while its difficult,I'm actually learning stuff. Not to criticize liberal art majors but the harder courses make you think "outside the box" like in calculus or chemistry (funny thing though is that I need some psychological help in my question;irony,lol!). Anyways, the biggest problem I have is when people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. Now, I have dated about once or twice but at those times, I just felt uncomfortable being with another person. I just didn't felt in the mood of a relationship; I didn't have feelings for that person. So it bugs me when some of my friends (guy or girl) ask me why I'm not in one. For me, I feel that I want to transfer out to a good school because I don't want to work in low paying job as I am right now;I really care about education and it saddens me that some just view it as a chore or something. But while my friends respect my decision, my ex-girlfriends ask me the same question. At this point, I am like "wth???why do you care?". What happen is that I use to try to get her back with me for 2 years after she broke up with me. So I decided that once she was in college,I will never ever talk to her again (in person). We have always been friends online since we broke up but we have added and deleted each other several times. The last time she deleted me, I decided I will not be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. She added me again in December but I vow not to chat her on facebook. She has always started the conversation the few times I spoke to her in Fb. But the last 2 times she kept mentioning "her man" and that she was serious about him and she was going to drop out of college for him (her current boyfriend is about to graduate next year and they plan to come back to California since she is at Iowa). And while I could care less now, yesterday she ask about "any lucky gals out there for me?" after she had mention her bf many times before. It feels she is rubbing it in my face because she knows I was in deep love for her 3 years ago. So in essence,I am asking what should I do about my life as I go on with my life.Should I work hard to get a car(I don't think I need a car since I plan to dorm when I transfer)?What should I do with my closest friends(should I try to be into video games because that's like the one thing they're super into)?what should I do with my ex-girlfriend(I wanted to delete her on Facebook but I want to show that I'm stronger than her and that I have move on. Seriously, I feel like I'm competing against her. I don't care about relationships right now because I have not gotten that feeling to be someone yet.EEERRR,but I want to show that the day she left me was her biggest mistake(btw,the break up was on 2008)). I can wait to transfer out so I can finally meet some people with the same interest like me and possibly find a good girl that cares about me.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It's a long read. First, don't look back. Stop thinking about the past three years. Instead focus on the next three years. About your friends: If your friends have different interests than yours, then try to look for new friends that shares the same interest as you are. Remember, birds of a same feather flocks together, so it's understandable that you will not be compelled to stick with your old friends. About your ex-girlfriend: Move on. Meet someone else. The easiest way to get him out of your mind is to meet someone else. About motivation: Set a goal. If you think you need to get a car to get yourself motivated, then do it. Don't let yourself get distracted by things. I recommend reading the link below to get you more motivated.
Read more other entries :
Sunday, June 1, 2014
(A Lot to read but I need opinions!) What is the better solution for this predicament?
(A Lot to read but I need opinions!) What is the better solution for this predicament?
This question is about relationship issues, fyi. I am going 2 have 2 tell u a really long story in order 2 allow u 2 understand things better, because I am really needing opinions, all are welcome, ((yes I will still choose what I consider the best)) I am just wanted any & all view points. (I'm going 2 put names 2 some people so that it's easier 2 discuss this.) So a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first i love you, first partner. We met the end of our Jr. year in high school, things moved slowly at first and it all seemed perfect. After almost a year we were engaged. Had been engaged for a while when we broke up the 1st time because of complications in our relationship. A month later got back together to give it one last shot and mutually decided to end it. A while later I start finding out things about my ex that I had a feeling might be true but never really knew until one of his friends told me and a couple of my friends told me things. This friend of my ex's who told me had never previously tried to put moves on me, he was just nice & that's all. In fact he thought I hated him because my ex(Henry) made him think that. Well this friend of his (Vince) and I started casually talking and before we knew it we were enthralled in deep conversation. So we moved it from facebook to skype and got on the next day and video chatted as well ((Vince is in the military so he is at a base across seas right now)) Before long we had feelings for each other and I was beaming! All I could think about was him and no other guy crossed my mind, I wasn't even interested in any other. So after about a week of talking I decided that since I was basically already being loyal to him that we'd put a bf/gf label on it. After a while things started hitting me like the fact that I was betrayed by Henry for a while and didn't even know it and started doubting my relationship with Vince. It is just hard to maintain that kind of relationship sometimes (keep in mind that we never felt anything for each other before now, so I don't even know what it'd be like in person with him because feelings change everything) Vince is the kind of guy that he is blunt, can be jerky but it's part of his nature and sometimes his charm, but he has a surprising sweet side. I think our personalities are a lot alike! When I think back on Henry and I, we really didn't have much personality traits in common, we shared similar values and had alike histories, but thats really it. I felt so much of a spark with Vince right off the get go. He frustrates me like hell sometimes! And we've already duked it out over skype and we've only been talking a couple weeks lol! Yet I still come back for more :P I don't get it either sometimes. What makes things difficult is we have a 7 hr times difference. Also, I am only 20 and haven't had my own freedom yet. I am leaving a juco this may and transferring to a university where I will be living in a dorm instead of my parent's house. I have been needing and wanting my freedom for a looong time! I am the oldest and have had so much been asked out of me when I was younger. Vince doesn't come home till around July - September and is only home a month. So I would either not be at the university yet, or will only have been there a short time. When Vince comes back we had planned on getting to know each other more and hanging out a lot. So I guess my point is another fear is what if I meet someone at the university while I'm with him. . .and will being with Vince affect my freedom? Vince will be home again the following April. See the thing is, Vince is amazing. . .where as Henry was really possessive and smothering, Vince is really not. He has great advice, he is level headed when he needs to be. He makes me laugh, makes me open up, be a bit daring, frustrates me all the time! He's seen me cry and comforted me even while being thousands of miles away, and he is good to me. . . Right now the dilemma is that I am not sure about if I am ready to commit again, I know it seems so soon, but at the same time this feels right, him and I seem to fit and I am SO excited for him to come home and to meet his family because he talks about them all the time. But at the same time, I wonder if I am not being fair to myself. . .am I not giving myself enough time to be free. The thing is, as long as I am under my parents' roof I can't be free. . .but I can't move out yet because I am not financially sound yet. I am just afraid that if I tell him to post pone our relationship (which would pretty much mean no talking anymore) that I'll lose that chance with him later. So idk whether to go w/the safer smarter choice of waiting. . .or if I should risk getting hurt and such for something that I hope to develop into something more! What are some opinions you all have? I don't know if I mad
Other - Family & Relationships - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Just go with it. You may get hurt, but if you don't do it now you will never know what would have happened. If you don't do it you may regret it later.
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This question is about relationship issues, fyi. I am going 2 have 2 tell u a really long story in order 2 allow u 2 understand things better, because I am really needing opinions, all are welcome, ((yes I will still choose what I consider the best)) I am just wanted any & all view points. (I'm going 2 put names 2 some people so that it's easier 2 discuss this.) So a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first i love you, first partner. We met the end of our Jr. year in high school, things moved slowly at first and it all seemed perfect. After almost a year we were engaged. Had been engaged for a while when we broke up the 1st time because of complications in our relationship. A month later got back together to give it one last shot and mutually decided to end it. A while later I start finding out things about my ex that I had a feeling might be true but never really knew until one of his friends told me and a couple of my friends told me things. This friend of my ex's who told me had never previously tried to put moves on me, he was just nice & that's all. In fact he thought I hated him because my ex(Henry) made him think that. Well this friend of his (Vince) and I started casually talking and before we knew it we were enthralled in deep conversation. So we moved it from facebook to skype and got on the next day and video chatted as well ((Vince is in the military so he is at a base across seas right now)) Before long we had feelings for each other and I was beaming! All I could think about was him and no other guy crossed my mind, I wasn't even interested in any other. So after about a week of talking I decided that since I was basically already being loyal to him that we'd put a bf/gf label on it. After a while things started hitting me like the fact that I was betrayed by Henry for a while and didn't even know it and started doubting my relationship with Vince. It is just hard to maintain that kind of relationship sometimes (keep in mind that we never felt anything for each other before now, so I don't even know what it'd be like in person with him because feelings change everything) Vince is the kind of guy that he is blunt, can be jerky but it's part of his nature and sometimes his charm, but he has a surprising sweet side. I think our personalities are a lot alike! When I think back on Henry and I, we really didn't have much personality traits in common, we shared similar values and had alike histories, but thats really it. I felt so much of a spark with Vince right off the get go. He frustrates me like hell sometimes! And we've already duked it out over skype and we've only been talking a couple weeks lol! Yet I still come back for more :P I don't get it either sometimes. What makes things difficult is we have a 7 hr times difference. Also, I am only 20 and haven't had my own freedom yet. I am leaving a juco this may and transferring to a university where I will be living in a dorm instead of my parent's house. I have been needing and wanting my freedom for a looong time! I am the oldest and have had so much been asked out of me when I was younger. Vince doesn't come home till around July - September and is only home a month. So I would either not be at the university yet, or will only have been there a short time. When Vince comes back we had planned on getting to know each other more and hanging out a lot. So I guess my point is another fear is what if I meet someone at the university while I'm with him. . .and will being with Vince affect my freedom? Vince will be home again the following April. See the thing is, Vince is amazing. . .where as Henry was really possessive and smothering, Vince is really not. He has great advice, he is level headed when he needs to be. He makes me laugh, makes me open up, be a bit daring, frustrates me all the time! He's seen me cry and comforted me even while being thousands of miles away, and he is good to me. . . Right now the dilemma is that I am not sure about if I am ready to commit again, I know it seems so soon, but at the same time this feels right, him and I seem to fit and I am SO excited for him to come home and to meet his family because he talks about them all the time. But at the same time, I wonder if I am not being fair to myself. . .am I not giving myself enough time to be free. The thing is, as long as I am under my parents' roof I can't be free. . .but I can't move out yet because I am not financially sound yet. I am just afraid that if I tell him to post pone our relationship (which would pretty much mean no talking anymore) that I'll lose that chance with him later. So idk whether to go w/the safer smarter choice of waiting. . .or if I should risk getting hurt and such for something that I hope to develop into something more! What are some opinions you all have? I don't know if I mad
Other - Family & Relationships - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Just go with it. You may get hurt, but if you don't do it now you will never know what would have happened. If you don't do it you may regret it later.
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Wednesday, May 28, 2014
What should I do about this girl? Please help me, ladies?
What should I do about this girl? Please help me, ladies?
So, I'm a guy going to be a sophomore in high school next year, and there's this girl who's going to be a freshman in high school next year. (At the same school) The reason I even talked to her in the first place was because she's allowing me to style her hair. (She also knows that I'm straight). As of right now, we've actually been getting along really well. We both love music and playing instruments, and we're both nerds when it comes to video games and things like that. Recently, though, things have been getting interesting. We've been talking about things that she wouldn't normally discuss with other people, and she told me that she trusts me though she barely knows me. I told her that she was cute, and she said that though she didn't show it, that it meant a lot that I said that. Finally, she said that she likes me, but not in a romantic sort of way, but she had a boyfriend at the time that she said that. I told her how I feel (to a point), but she has yet to respond to my message. I just saw on Facebook that she is single, so maybe my message affected something. She still hasn't responded, and I don't know what to do so I don't mess up. What should I do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
Be yourself and talk to her normally for now. Make her laugh and suggest to hang out sometime. When the time is right ask her about her boyfriend, depending on her answer say to her that you hope she can be happy with someone because you think she is amazing and deserves someone good. Try and do it in person and give her a smile and look into her eyes and she might just fall for you! Good luck!
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So, I'm a guy going to be a sophomore in high school next year, and there's this girl who's going to be a freshman in high school next year. (At the same school) The reason I even talked to her in the first place was because she's allowing me to style her hair. (She also knows that I'm straight). As of right now, we've actually been getting along really well. We both love music and playing instruments, and we're both nerds when it comes to video games and things like that. Recently, though, things have been getting interesting. We've been talking about things that she wouldn't normally discuss with other people, and she told me that she trusts me though she barely knows me. I told her that she was cute, and she said that though she didn't show it, that it meant a lot that I said that. Finally, she said that she likes me, but not in a romantic sort of way, but she had a boyfriend at the time that she said that. I told her how I feel (to a point), but she has yet to respond to my message. I just saw on Facebook that she is single, so maybe my message affected something. She still hasn't responded, and I don't know what to do so I don't mess up. What should I do?
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Be yourself and talk to her normally for now. Make her laugh and suggest to hang out sometime. When the time is right ask her about her boyfriend, depending on her answer say to her that you hope she can be happy with someone because you think she is amazing and deserves someone good. Try and do it in person and give her a smile and look into her eyes and she might just fall for you! Good luck!
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Wednesday, May 14, 2014
How do you get over someone you love? Help me figure things out...?
How do you get over someone you love? Help me figure things out...?
I'm going to be brutally honest in this post...I'm 19 and I have been dating my girlfriend since I was a senior in high school. We broke up 2 months ago after dating for a little over a year and I admit I'm still not over her. I had the best summer of my life last year with her. We were in love. She's beautiful, funny, and we just get along so well. However, we started having problems when she went away to college. I chose to stay close to home and go to our flagship state school on a scholarship. She picked a school about 4 hours away from home. To make things more difficult, I chose to stay home my first year and save money, while she obviously dormed at her new school. We lasted until April, and when there was only a couple weeks left in the year...she dumped me. I was so surprised, but i took it mildly well at first. We kept talking and texting regularly, it honestly felt like we were still dating even though we had just broken off our relationship. The way she broke up with me though...was simply terrible... She chatted me on facebook, of all things, and explained to me how things were too hard and she was doing bad in school, and we needed to take a break...I agreed to it...though I was upset and hurt obviously .4 days later, she was begging me to take her back and i told her we could talk about it that weekend. However...the night before we were supposed to talk...she kissed another guy...sober. She told me the next morning and I was upset and pissed. I told her we're done, but then she started threatening suicide...which scared the shit out of me, so of course, being the pushover to her I am, I took her back out of desperation. 3 days later...she dumped me again... We talked on and off until summer came...and then the night she came home I took her and some friends out to a party. We both got really drunk, and we hooked up. The next day she told me she wanted to get back together with me, but I was still hurt at that point. I told her we could discuss it after I finished my finals. She agreed and we hungout that week, fooling around and behaving like bf and gf basically... However, after finals, we just never talked about a relationship again. We still hungout for another week or so after that, but then, all of a sudden, we just stopped talking. I started to miss her a lot... I didn't text her though...idk if it was because I wanted to give her some space, or just out of sheer pride, but I didn't talk to her for a few weeks. Then she started texting me out of the blue like we were just friends and nothing ever happened. It was confusing and hurtful to me... I had no idea what was going on. Anyways, yesterday we hungout just the two of us for the first time in months. It's apparent that she is over me, and I am no where near over her. We talked a little about our relationship, but nothing major. She said the reason we broke up was distance and that we're too young. But is 19 really too young still? I know it's young...but I mean I have friends only a couple years older than me that are engaged... She also told me that she's transferring back to the area after next year or possibly next semester. I was surprised and didn't really know what to say to that. I've just never felt this depressed over someone. I feel lonely, hurt, used...it's pathetic but I can't shake the feeling. I understand people breakup when they go to college...but it's just so confusing how everything is transpiring between us. What should I do? I still care about her so much... I even took her out and bought her food and then went down on her for an hour last night... and the sad thing is, I want to do that again just so I can see her... I've never been this much of a mess over anyone before in my life. Should I keep seeing her and treating her well in hopes she'll want me back? Or should I cut her out of my life completely? Or should I just try to stay friends with her and look forward to dorming and meeting new people next year? I need help.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
Honey, its completely normal to feel depressed and upset after a breakup. But in all honesty, you need to move on with your life. Let yourself cry, scream, punch a bag, run, do what you need to let out the hurt and frustration and confusion. Do NOT go back with her. She is playing games with you because she is insecure and wants to have control over you. She likes playing these games with you b/c she knows she can come back to you if she needs to/ can't find anything better. You are last on her list now, and you need to man up and say its over. SHE WILL NEVER WANT YOU BACK. And if she does, it's to use you. There's a reason why you broke up. Maybe the reasons on the surface are a bit muddled, but deep underneath in the back of her mind, something has decided that things aren't going to work and she doesn't want to be committed to you the way you are committed to her. That's no way to have a relationship. It's hard to let go, I know. I was in a 1 yr relationship and was dumped through a text message. We tried to be friends but things got messy. It's over now, and you have to accept it. Pick up a new hobby and hang out with your guy friends. Take some time away from the dating world so you don't make the mistake of picking up a rebound girl. Then, once you are over her, go out there and find the girl that you deserve, b/c she's is so totally not it. best of luck.
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I'm going to be brutally honest in this post...I'm 19 and I have been dating my girlfriend since I was a senior in high school. We broke up 2 months ago after dating for a little over a year and I admit I'm still not over her. I had the best summer of my life last year with her. We were in love. She's beautiful, funny, and we just get along so well. However, we started having problems when she went away to college. I chose to stay close to home and go to our flagship state school on a scholarship. She picked a school about 4 hours away from home. To make things more difficult, I chose to stay home my first year and save money, while she obviously dormed at her new school. We lasted until April, and when there was only a couple weeks left in the year...she dumped me. I was so surprised, but i took it mildly well at first. We kept talking and texting regularly, it honestly felt like we were still dating even though we had just broken off our relationship. The way she broke up with me though...was simply terrible... She chatted me on facebook, of all things, and explained to me how things were too hard and she was doing bad in school, and we needed to take a break...I agreed to it...though I was upset and hurt obviously .4 days later, she was begging me to take her back and i told her we could talk about it that weekend. However...the night before we were supposed to talk...she kissed another guy...sober. She told me the next morning and I was upset and pissed. I told her we're done, but then she started threatening suicide...which scared the shit out of me, so of course, being the pushover to her I am, I took her back out of desperation. 3 days later...she dumped me again... We talked on and off until summer came...and then the night she came home I took her and some friends out to a party. We both got really drunk, and we hooked up. The next day she told me she wanted to get back together with me, but I was still hurt at that point. I told her we could discuss it after I finished my finals. She agreed and we hungout that week, fooling around and behaving like bf and gf basically... However, after finals, we just never talked about a relationship again. We still hungout for another week or so after that, but then, all of a sudden, we just stopped talking. I started to miss her a lot... I didn't text her though...idk if it was because I wanted to give her some space, or just out of sheer pride, but I didn't talk to her for a few weeks. Then she started texting me out of the blue like we were just friends and nothing ever happened. It was confusing and hurtful to me... I had no idea what was going on. Anyways, yesterday we hungout just the two of us for the first time in months. It's apparent that she is over me, and I am no where near over her. We talked a little about our relationship, but nothing major. She said the reason we broke up was distance and that we're too young. But is 19 really too young still? I know it's young...but I mean I have friends only a couple years older than me that are engaged... She also told me that she's transferring back to the area after next year or possibly next semester. I was surprised and didn't really know what to say to that. I've just never felt this depressed over someone. I feel lonely, hurt, used...it's pathetic but I can't shake the feeling. I understand people breakup when they go to college...but it's just so confusing how everything is transpiring between us. What should I do? I still care about her so much... I even took her out and bought her food and then went down on her for an hour last night... and the sad thing is, I want to do that again just so I can see her... I've never been this much of a mess over anyone before in my life. Should I keep seeing her and treating her well in hopes she'll want me back? Or should I cut her out of my life completely? Or should I just try to stay friends with her and look forward to dorming and meeting new people next year? I need help.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
Honey, its completely normal to feel depressed and upset after a breakup. But in all honesty, you need to move on with your life. Let yourself cry, scream, punch a bag, run, do what you need to let out the hurt and frustration and confusion. Do NOT go back with her. She is playing games with you because she is insecure and wants to have control over you. She likes playing these games with you b/c she knows she can come back to you if she needs to/ can't find anything better. You are last on her list now, and you need to man up and say its over. SHE WILL NEVER WANT YOU BACK. And if she does, it's to use you. There's a reason why you broke up. Maybe the reasons on the surface are a bit muddled, but deep underneath in the back of her mind, something has decided that things aren't going to work and she doesn't want to be committed to you the way you are committed to her. That's no way to have a relationship. It's hard to let go, I know. I was in a 1 yr relationship and was dumped through a text message. We tried to be friends but things got messy. It's over now, and you have to accept it. Pick up a new hobby and hang out with your guy friends. Take some time away from the dating world so you don't make the mistake of picking up a rebound girl. Then, once you are over her, go out there and find the girl that you deserve, b/c she's is so totally not it. best of luck.
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Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Help! I can't believe this has happened to me.
Help! I can't believe this has happened to me.
Help! He Broke My Heart! What should I do? My boyfriend lied to me and deeply hurt me! my boyfriend and i were on a break. he didnt call me for three weeks (he was at academic camp and needed to focus). i finally told him maybe we should just be friends. he got upset, asked if there was another guy, and said he still liked me. so i said fine but things needed to change. he said ok and asked if we were good. i said we were. today i log onto facebook and see a message from him. it's addressed to about 15 people and says he will not be coming back to my high school next year and that he is going to boarding school. he did not have the decency to tell me. i texted him, upset, and he said sorry i only told my best friend, (who is a girl by the way). i said sorry was ok when he canceled dates (he did that a lot) or when he didn't call. this was not sorry. how could he have falled to mention this? i am very hurt. we were friends for 2 years before we started dating and suddenly i'm his girlfriend and i'm part of the other people catagory. he said he'd call later. while we were friends i was always there for him. i'm a caring person. i dodn't know what to. he was my first real boyfriend. he wants to be friends, but i don't trust him and i have lost respect for him. i told him last night i thought he acted like a jerk in the scenario. he said he wasn't and promised to call tonight to discuss it. i don't see the point. when would we see each other as friends? i'm ready to move on. if he calls (which he prob won't) what do i say? but mostly, am i right to be upset? He hurt me so much.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
Maybe he was trying not to hurt you. Did you ever think of that? That maybe it was too hard for him to tell you in person because he'd cry too. I think he did it to protect you and himself, not hurt you. He might not have wanted to make it any harder than he could've, so he sent you the message on facebook.
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Help! He Broke My Heart! What should I do? My boyfriend lied to me and deeply hurt me! my boyfriend and i were on a break. he didnt call me for three weeks (he was at academic camp and needed to focus). i finally told him maybe we should just be friends. he got upset, asked if there was another guy, and said he still liked me. so i said fine but things needed to change. he said ok and asked if we were good. i said we were. today i log onto facebook and see a message from him. it's addressed to about 15 people and says he will not be coming back to my high school next year and that he is going to boarding school. he did not have the decency to tell me. i texted him, upset, and he said sorry i only told my best friend, (who is a girl by the way). i said sorry was ok when he canceled dates (he did that a lot) or when he didn't call. this was not sorry. how could he have falled to mention this? i am very hurt. we were friends for 2 years before we started dating and suddenly i'm his girlfriend and i'm part of the other people catagory. he said he'd call later. while we were friends i was always there for him. i'm a caring person. i dodn't know what to. he was my first real boyfriend. he wants to be friends, but i don't trust him and i have lost respect for him. i told him last night i thought he acted like a jerk in the scenario. he said he wasn't and promised to call tonight to discuss it. i don't see the point. when would we see each other as friends? i'm ready to move on. if he calls (which he prob won't) what do i say? but mostly, am i right to be upset? He hurt me so much.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
Maybe he was trying not to hurt you. Did you ever think of that? That maybe it was too hard for him to tell you in person because he'd cry too. I think he did it to protect you and himself, not hurt you. He might not have wanted to make it any harder than he could've, so he sent you the message on facebook.
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Thursday, May 1, 2014
Do I Have A Right To Be Angry at My Ex?
Do I Have A Right To Be Angry at My Ex?
What should I do? My boyfriend lied to me and deeply hurt me! my boyfriend and i were on a break. he didnt call me for three weeks (he was at academic camp and needed to focus). i finally told him maybe we should just be friends. he got upset, asked if there was another guy, and said he still liked me. so i said fine but things needed to change. he said ok and asked if we were good. i said we were. today i log onto facebook and see a message from him. it's addressed to about 15 people and says he will not be coming back to my high school next year and that he is going to boarding school. he did not have the decency to tell me. i texted him, upset, and he said sorry i only told my best friend, (who is a girl by the way). i said sorry was ok when he canceled dates (he did that a lot) or when he didn't call. this was not sorry. how could he have falled to mention this? i am very hurt. we were friends for 2 years before we started dating and suddenly i'm his girlfriend and i'm part of the other people catagory. he said he'd call later. while we were friends i was always there for him. i'm a caring person. i dodn't know what to. he was my first real boyfriend. he wants to be friends, but i don't trust him and i have lost respect for him. i told him last night i thought he acted like a jerk in the scenario. he said he wasn't and promised to call tonight to discuss it. i don't see the point. when would we see each other as friends? i'm ready to move on. if he calls (which he prob won't) what do i say? but mostly, am i right to be upset? everyone else is happy for him but i can't help but be incredibly angry.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
hes a jerk. no, really. u have the right to be angry.. and if he calls.. well.. be normal, but not overly friendly nor hostile. if your overly friendly it seems ur trying to suck up and if ur angry it only shows u still care a great lot. So, in otherwords be nice and wish him luck at his new school (he'll need it with his personality) to let him know indirectly you're over him and you will NOT be totally hungover and turn into a friends with benefit. If you want to forget about him.. i recommend you to stop all contact because time fades things like this away and tell him dw about calling u everynight cos u'll be busy.. painting ur nails. He'll get the point.. haha goodluck
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What should I do? My boyfriend lied to me and deeply hurt me! my boyfriend and i were on a break. he didnt call me for three weeks (he was at academic camp and needed to focus). i finally told him maybe we should just be friends. he got upset, asked if there was another guy, and said he still liked me. so i said fine but things needed to change. he said ok and asked if we were good. i said we were. today i log onto facebook and see a message from him. it's addressed to about 15 people and says he will not be coming back to my high school next year and that he is going to boarding school. he did not have the decency to tell me. i texted him, upset, and he said sorry i only told my best friend, (who is a girl by the way). i said sorry was ok when he canceled dates (he did that a lot) or when he didn't call. this was not sorry. how could he have falled to mention this? i am very hurt. we were friends for 2 years before we started dating and suddenly i'm his girlfriend and i'm part of the other people catagory. he said he'd call later. while we were friends i was always there for him. i'm a caring person. i dodn't know what to. he was my first real boyfriend. he wants to be friends, but i don't trust him and i have lost respect for him. i told him last night i thought he acted like a jerk in the scenario. he said he wasn't and promised to call tonight to discuss it. i don't see the point. when would we see each other as friends? i'm ready to move on. if he calls (which he prob won't) what do i say? but mostly, am i right to be upset? everyone else is happy for him but i can't help but be incredibly angry.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
hes a jerk. no, really. u have the right to be angry.. and if he calls.. well.. be normal, but not overly friendly nor hostile. if your overly friendly it seems ur trying to suck up and if ur angry it only shows u still care a great lot. So, in otherwords be nice and wish him luck at his new school (he'll need it with his personality) to let him know indirectly you're over him and you will NOT be totally hungover and turn into a friends with benefit. If you want to forget about him.. i recommend you to stop all contact because time fades things like this away and tell him dw about calling u everynight cos u'll be busy.. painting ur nails. He'll get the point.. haha goodluck
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