Divorce after only two months?
My husband and I were married just short of two months ago. I am 19, and he is 18. He is in the US Army & was being sent to Korea after only three months of dating. We decided that we just couldn't live without each other, and felt like we knew enough about each other to make that commitment. We had never fought when we were dating, and we loved everything about each other. We get married, and the DAY AFTER our wedding, we had our first fight. He walked out, and didn't come back for hours. I was left in a hotel room crying alone. On the day before Valentine's Day, I was trying to discuss with him when he would use his leave (time off) to come home, and he said that I would just have to come to Korea to visit him, that he wasn't leaving until his tour was over. I simply said "that's not what we had talked about" and he blew up on me. He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything. But later that night, he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go. In so many words, he told me that nothing going on in my life mattered, that he had been through so much worse. So, I told him just to let me go cool down, and we would talk when we would both actually TALK instead of yell. Well, he decides to say "yeah, walk away you stupid f***** b****. This is while we are living in my PARENTS house, until he leaves for Korea. My father was home at the time of this..and it was like my husband did not care at all. He kept telling my dad that I was a b**** & sent all of his facebook friends messages about how his wife is a "royal b****" He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment, and I have read recently that this is a sign of an abuser. He blows up over the smallest things. The most recent occurence was just this past weekend. Friday, he accused me of not taking my birth control, and attempting to get pregnant knowing that he is against it. Instead of confronting me about this however, he takes the route of asking my best friend & making her promise not to tell me (high school much?) I overhear the conversation, and ask him about it. He gets extremely angry with me over it, and so I go sit outside alone just to calm down. Eventually, my mom, and three friends come out there. My husband comes out, gets in my face, and starts yelling and cursing. in front of EVERYONE. Once again, he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face, until my father almost stepped in and handled it himself. Everyone is telling me that if he treats me this way in front of other people, how is it going to be when it is just me and him? he promises me that he would never hit me, but deep down, I really am terrified of him. We have had multiple talks about how things were going to have to change for this to work, but he will "change" for a day, and go right back to doing these things. He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes. I have never been one to believe in divorce, but I am not going to live this way. I feel like I haven't given it an honest shot yet, but with the way he makes me feel, I also don't see the point in trying anymore. I want to go back to college, and make a life for myself, I don't want to have to be dependent on someone who can hold it over my head. I want to do so many things, that I know will never happen with him. I thought that marrying him was the right thing, but now I'm seriously considering divorce.. Under the circumstances, is it too soon to quit?
Marriage & Divorce - 19 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
its never to soon to quit.
2 :
This is why they should raise the legal age you can get married...nobody in their teens should be allowed to marry. You kids just aren't ready for a real relationship...
3 :
Get a divorce, if he refuses, get ahold of his commanding officer, they won't put up with his crap.
4 :
Well you are very young. Marriage at 18 and 19 is not to smart. I know what is done is done but it sounds like you guys kinda rushed into it. If I were you I would either see a councilor or you may considor divorce. I'm sorry about your situation. Good luck.
5 :
dump him now. he's abusive and unstable. now you know that it takes more than a couple of months to get to know someone fully, let alone marry them. please divorce him. this guy is fully capable of doing something terrible to you. he's no good and he will only bring misery to your life. its not too soon to quit because if he's like this so early on, he'll only get worse. you know it but you just have to admit it to yourself.
6 :
i think yu werent thinking when yu decided to marry,dating and marriage ,are 2 different things. yu were scared to be away from each other,and yu took the step yu are not ready for. i think getting yo marriage annuled is the best way. yu think you know each other but its puppy love. his showing his true colors and he feels tied down to you.
7 :
No, it is not. You jumped into marrying him after only 3 mos. of dating and he has multiple signs of being an abuser. Get out NOW! Don't look back.
8 :
well even though he has alot of stress on him atm he shouldn't act that way and it is never to soon or to late to quit if you are unhappy an have tryed to cope and be there an fix things separate for a bit let him have time to think about it if no change file for divorce. but he does sound like he may go off the deep end so to speak one day and him with his training may even kill ya RUNNN
9 :
If you don't feel it in your heart and you are scared of him. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. You are going to be stuck in this situation if you dont get out. The sooner, the better. Military life is not easy. I am an Air Force wife. I married my husband when we were both 18. We've been married for 3 years now and been together for 6. I love him with all my heart and many people envy our marriage. If you guys cannot work things out and be adults about this situation, you will NEVER make it through military life. I promise you this. This will not be the first time he has to leave, trust me. Follow your heart but it's not too soon if you can't handle it. You need to decide if it's worth it to you. If it's not, you can probably get an annulment this early.
10 :
You need to let him go to Korea alone. Then divorce this guy. You married too soon apparently this guy is not ready for commitment or has the patient for a wife. He seems to be an abuser and Im surprised your father took so long to step in. This guy will get worse over time if you keep letting it go. He needs to grow up and take some anger management classes and then figure if you two are ready for a marriage. Good luck I do hope you make the right decision.
11 :
Both of you are far to young and mentally unstable to be in a marriage. There seems to be stress on both sides. Your family is right, once he gets you alone and goes off he will hit you. Love isn't being terrified. In your circumstances I would get an annulment. You need to both grow first, experience life, have a career, a home before marriage comes.
12 :
One word with explanation-DIVORCE (not yelling). Your husband is a well trained man with POWER (not yelling) behind his anger and strenght. You need to find a secure place to call his commanding officer and let him know what he is doing to you, then take it to the police and then run to shelter for safety. The next steps follow. My second marriage started out almost like that. He was an alcoholic, drug addict/dealer, abusier, raped me from day one, was threatened if I leave he would hunt be down and kill me, his street life was home life, etc. He spent time in and out of jails and once in prison. I am now a crimnal because of him. He finally commited suicde. Leave and run far so he cannot find you. Even if you got to get a restraining order. Go to a shelter for abused women, before you end up at the morgue. Then your parents and friends will have to identify you. Run as fast as you can. And pray-God be with you.
13 :
That is the problem when you have only dated for three months. Three months is when the true colors of the person you are in a relationship starts coming out (but i guess some people are luckily who marry after a month of knowing a person because they connect like two peas in a pod). From this time you should be able to weed out the good from the bad on whether you are able to pursue or not. I think you rushed marriage..but i am not going to go into that. To be honest he has anger management issues, a lack of respect for you..and even if i was to say that you both need to opt for counseling. I think from your description he has pride and ego and wouldn't even want to go. To be honest i really do not know what you can do in this situation. But i hate to say it...it seems that divorce is speaking out in volumes here.
14 :
No, it's not too soon to quit. Quit while you are a head. Don't wait for the time that he would kill you if you have a fight. No man could ever change that way if he really loved his wife. Maybe he had suffered from abuse when he was young, maybe that is the situation he grow up with. I don't know but he needs help. If he really love you, he would take care of you, handle you like a very fragile crystal that in a slight mistake would break. If he really love you, he will treat you with respect when making love. If he really love you, he would pay respect to your parents especially at your parents house. Honestly, you had suffered from marital abuse not only physically, but also verbally, mentally and emotionally for such a short period of time. Divorce is not the solution, file for an Annulment. I got married young also and we have been married for 17 years now and my husband never treated me like that. Sure we have our fights, our ups and downs and trials in life but he never treated me like that. If we have a fight, he never walked out on me for hours, and we often make a compromise and meet up with it.
15 :
honey you need to get out now before something bad happens to you. this man is a ticking time bomb!
16 :
He is a classic abuser, they always have "crying spells" which is total BS and they ALWAYS hurt you very badly or worse, you need to get rid of him NOW and get a divorce and cut off all contact with him, he is the type who flips out and kills people one day, don't wait around for that, he is deeply disturbed.
17 :
Get out and get out now!!! You made a bad decision when you agreed to marry a man that you barely knew. 3 months dating is nothing. Of course you didn't fight while you were dating, no one fights in the first 3 months that they know someone. Don't make this bad decision worse by staying with this extremely controlling and abusive man any longer. He may not have been physically abusive yet but what you describe is emotional abuse and even if he never laid a hand on you, living with emotional abuse can be just as destructive to you as physical abuse. He isn't likely to let you go easy tho. Contact his commanding officer and tell him what's happening. Contact the police to give them a heads up and make arrangements to go somewhere that he can't find you. My niece had to move clear across the country to get away from her abusive ex but it was the best thing she ever did. She's with a really good man now. "He is not willing to compromise at all, about anything." "he was screaming at me, and I tried to exit the room..he grabbed my arm, & wouldn't let go" "walk away you stupid f***** b****. " "He uses "playful force" during sex, which is not a mutual enjoyment" "he will not let me move & he blocks me from going anywhere. He wouldn't get out of my face" These are all huge warning signs. Pay attention to them!! You say yourself that you're terrified of him, how can you even think of remaining in this marriage. "He tells me " you don't know how much i care about you, how much i love you" and then he goes into crying spells which i always fall for, so i end up forgiving him.. but he never really changes." This is classic manipulation that all abusers use. He may even really love you in his own sick twisted way but is this the kind of love you want in your life? I hope not. There are good men in the world who will treat you good and be caring about your feelings and needs. I'm not normally one to suggest divorce but when abuse is involved there really is no other option. This isn't a failure on your part, you made a bad decision - learn from it and move on with your life.
18 :
Honey. Run as fast and as far away from this as you can. It's only going to get worse not better. You owe it to yourself to be in a relationship where you feel loved and respected.
19 :
If the military didn't straighten his a@@ out on this, he's never going to change. You're being abused physically and mentally, and I don't care if bi@#$ boy just caught Osama, you need to get an annulment. He has no reason to change, and sadly, the only thing you can take away is yourself. If he is so unwilling to change- one day doesn't count- you need to give him a reason to, and that's you coming back. If you had college plans you should have married him after you graduated, it would have given you something to stand on and him time to mature.
Read more other entries :
