How do I discipline my 15 year old sister over the summer?
I myself am 24, and am contemplating having my 15 year old sister spend the summer with my family. She lives in Texas, and we are in Nebraska. She is a great student, she takes honors classes and play the clarinet in the marching band. Totally differnt at home though. Shes been quite unruly the past year and a half. Mainly boy troubles, and disrespecting/being rude my mom. It started with texting cleavage pictures to boys--which led to having her cell taken away, then instant messaging sexual messages on Facebook-- so she has lost her computer privleges at home, she carried on a relationship with a boy three years older than her in a program similar to JROTC, even after being told to stop. Most recently, my mom found out she and this boy had had sex. I wont go into all the details, but I have no problem answering questions about her situation. I want her to come to my house for the summer, not to escape her problems/punishment, but to let her see that she can still be 15. That even though she did let mom down, its not the end of the world. She can still be happy. I want her to go to church, and get involved with a youth group. I'd like her to have a summer job, and take on more responsibilities at home. I want her to learn to communicate, that even when you ahve made a mistake, you can talk about it. She could also play in one of the city's summer sports leagues. I'm stumped for discipline ideas though. She's 15, shes not perfect. I know she will disobey me. There will be a day she comes home late, or doesnt tell me shes going somewhere, or won't clean her room, etc. Just seems whatever discipline my mother uses does not get through. I want her to understand the things she has done are wrong, and that there will be a punishment for it. I just don;t know what. I do plan to discuss discipline/punishment with our mom, I just think we need new ideas! I'd like ot have her know what her punishments will be for certain behaviors... so that I am more enforcing rules and discipline from our mom, than trying to be her boss. I want to try to keep the sister role in this, not take over the mom role. Thanks!
Adolescent - 4 Answers
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1 :
my moms Friend has a 20 yr, 16 yr, 10 yr, and a 4 yr and she took in her 14 yr niece on the count of the 14yr old's mom lost her home so they split up the kids anyways...the 14 yr old is the same way yet her aunt just wants to condemn her and not discipline her so if it were i ((in both your situations)) i would make her go to church sun morning and night sundays school and everything and youth group on Wednesday night because if shes around good christian kids shes gonna act better to try to fit in
2 :
Really you can't stop her. The more you try to stop her, the more cool stories she'll have to share to all the boys. She's reaching that age - and all you can do is remind her to continue with her regular routines and maybe share a few stories of your sexual life. A small warning about a few guys will go a long way. Other then that you must give her her space and trust her. She'll be peer pressures into sharing pictures and such; but that's how most girls that age are. You need to remind her of her woman power; and place your trust in her. Maybe continue reminding her you trust her so she will feel guilty in the acts. Sadly if you push to hard to get in the way; you'll make the situations worse.
3 :
Hey!! I'm in Nebraska!! Anyways! I think it's great you want to do this, being a big sister myself, I know what it's like to want to guide the little one. I say you take her out for her favorite food or ice cream and have a talk. Tell her that yeah, what she was doing was bad but you don't think she's a horrible person. Tell her that no matter what everyone is going to love her just the same. Also, give her a self esteem boost. The reason she's sending those pics is because she feels like the only way she will get a guy is by showing off. Same with sex. Take her to get her hair done and teach her how to be a lady. Tell her that playing hard to get is just as effective. I like the job idea. I got a job at 15 and I matured fast. It was great to be able to do what I wanted with my money. I'm sure she wants a car when she turns 16, so this is a great way to save up. Youth group and church are good too. This way she can make friends while she'd down there. As for punishment get her a tracfone. The prepaid phone will help with responsibility! When she gets her job she will be paying for it so I doubt she'll want to use it that much. And make sure you check the phone too. She did something bad and still deserves a punishment, so her privacy rights have been taken away. I would block facebook, myspace, skype, AIM, all of that kind of stuff on your computer. And make sure you are checking the history. Maybe put her in etiquette classes to teach her manners and how to respect her mom and herself. Remember, tell her you love her and that if she works hard at becoming a better person, life at home will become a lot easier. :)
4 :
Punishment isn't going to work anymore. She is fast becoming an adult .. she knows it. What you need to do it talk to her as an equal. She needs to realize that she should stop these things for herself not to avoid punishment. Here's an example ... When I was a teen there were many people offering me drugs. I thought (and still do) people that did drugs were stupid and wanted nothing to do with them. Had I wanted the drugs no amount of punishment would have stopped me from taking them. In your sister's case she has to avoid sex because she wants to. As for punishments... Cleaning her room? Try mocking her filth ... embarrassment is a very big motivator .. so if she doesn't clean it tell her you will post pictures of her room on facebook. When she is late or doesn't tell you where she went.... time to practice your acting skills. Make a big fuss when she comes home. "OMG! I thought you were dead or someone kidnapped you!" Crying as much as you can. Guilt .. also good motivation. Make her swear that she will never ever do that again. As for sex... hmmm... that one is going to be the hardest to manage. As I said no punishment will stop this. Playing devil's advocate you could approach the matter by telling her personal stories (make one up if you have to) about how you had problems because you had sex with someone.
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