Why is my spouse acting like this?
Forgive my if this is a little long, but our situations have always been complex. In the beginning of February, my boyfriend and I of two years broke up. We are still very much in love with each other so we would talk every now and then and it would drive me insane. He says he loves me, but we just aren't right together, so in the beginning it was obviously killing him as I pleaded for him to take me back. It didn't push him away, it just made him more sad. I learned that begging and pleading was the wrong approach to take, so I started treating him like a friend instead. The way I talk to my male friends would be like, "Yeah, bro;" or "Sup, man?" I'm a female but I'm cool with a lot of guys because I have the tendency to think like a guy, but I still retain my feminine attributes. I started talking with him like that and he didn't like it, so it obviously drove him insane. I was going really crazy and decided to type to him how much I loved him on Facebook.. Wrong move, I know; because he didn't respond back and I told him it hurt my feelings and then he replied with, "Well we aren't dating anyway so it's not really in my place." I got upset and told him, "Well, you and I are still showing the signs that we love eachother so if you want to be with me in the future and start fresh then you still have to show me that you care, otherwise I'll start losing affection for you." This is where his little attitude that pisses me off starting evolving. He acts like he doesn't care, and that I'm the source of all of his drama. He works on a boat, 28 days on, 14 off. He came back on March first and once he saw me, he couldn't resist me.. I tried avoiding his kisses for so long before I gave in because he was being so very sweet. Held me from behind, sighed, told me he loved me, etc.. We got along like nothing ever happened. I was very confused and frustrated that I tried to have a serious talk with him a day or two after he came back. This is another main problem: He doesn't take me seriously. I tried to sit and discuss things in a civil manner and while I cried he started giggling. I got really offended. He apologized a billion times and said that he couldn't help it. He jokes around too much for his own good, and it pisses me off highly. During his fourteen days, he was intending on going to Florida for a week to see his dad and relax.. He hasn't had a home for a year now, and would stay with me whenever he came off the boat. All of his material possessions are in Florida, and he says when he's there, he feels like he actually belongs somewhere since all of his identity is there. I understood but it still sucked that he had to leave. I saw him off with a hug and a kiss and he said he'd miss me and he loves me. He called me when he was on his way, and we were having a good conversation. I started getting frustrated the next few days based on his behavior. When I would want to talk to him, he barely gave me the time of day. I asked him, (forgive the language), to "Put down the fucking controller for once, and speak to me." When I did speak with him, all he could talk about was the amount of money he spent on his room and the things he bought, etc.. When he's off the boat, he's a massive pothead, so I think the pot was affecting his behavior too. Anytime I wanted to be serious I'd say, "Serious talk time." He would get immensely frustrated, sigh, and act like I was a huge problem. This is basically our conversations for the past few days. Him: "Would you just chill out? All you are is negativity and we never have a pleasant conversation." Me: (in tears each time because he just won't listen to me) "There wouldn't BE a problem if you would put forth the effort right now to work on what's ailing me." I believe it's because of pot, he's acting carefree. All I get is anger, annoyance, or silence. It's getting to where I just don't like him as a person anymore. He says he still wants to be with me, and he'll work on himself, but it won't come quick, and I'm impatient. He calls "flirting" with me, flicking water on me.. It's fucking annoying, and not cute. I told him I'm done with the drama.. And I'm intending on giving up, especially when he said he's gonna stay in Florida longer than he intended when he leaves on March 15.. More time for video games, less time for me and trying to solve each others problems. He emotionally neglects and abuses me and is in denial and puts me off as "drama." While taking to him last night, he was really high and said, "I'll stay over there by you for two or three days.." When coming off the boat, mind you.. I can't take him anymore.. He's acting like a piece of shit and he never used to be this way. I think his money is changing him. I
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
First of all, unless you're married, he's not your spouse. It also sounds like you two are just not compatible. You want different things in a relationship, and in a person. Break it off now before you implode. Luck!
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Saturday, May 28, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I'm a tenant in a landlord/tenant issue please help?
I'm a tenant in a landlord/tenant issue please help?
My issue is that my ex-landlord (Ben and Andrea) wants to take me to court for $800 and damages that my rabbit caused to the underlining of a bed. When I started to look into renting this place the ad on craigslist posted as $100 per week (I have proof of that). I spoke with Andrea and got everything set up through her. I was going through a divorce and my ex-husband said he would pay for me to stay in a place up to a month so I had time to get everything organized. I paid the landlord a month which was $400. We never entered into any agreement on the length of time I would stay there but just that it would be $100 per week I stayed there. In saying that our oral agreement was for me to pay $100 per week. I asked if I could move in a couple days early and the landlord said it would be fine. I moved in on June 30/09 and the check was dated for June 29/09 and it was for the month of July. I then told them I wouldn't be able to pay my rent for the month of August until August 4th and they were fine with that as Natalie said to me that, that was when my rent was due. I then had some medical issues come up and wasn't able to pay at that time either and said I had to go on an emergency trip to Southern Florida. I ended up leaving on August 6/09 and removed everything I had an left my keys in their kitchen. I spoke with Ben, the landlord, that morning and said if I was going to come back it would be August 20th but I would let them know. Ben then found my step-father's phone number (the person I was staying with in South Florida) and asked him if I was staying there and my step-father said yes. About 2 or 3 days later I told Andrea on a facebook chat message that I would not be returning to stay there. Although Andrea told Ben she has no recollections of it. I didn't hear from Ben or Andrea until August 26/09 when Andrea sent my parents an e-mail on a facebook e-mail on August 25th and she carbon copied it to me saying I owe them $800. Immediately I called to find out what was going on and there was no answer. I texted their phone and finally got in touch with them. During our phone conversations I told them I would pay them the pro-rated amount of the 2 days extra that I was there plus the 7 days notice (as we were on a week to week basis) and Ben denied it saying I was on a month to month. I then said fine I will try and settle with you for the pro-rated days and 15 days notice (for a month to month contract) and Ben said no once again to that. He then told me he wanted to look more into landlord tenant laws and he would get back with me. This is when I decided I would see if you could maybe answer some of my questions. The next day I get an e-mail from Ben because I had a credit application for the place I am residing in now (but not renting from as my step-father pays for it but they for some reason still have to do a background check on people who are staying long-term) and he said that he wanted to settle with me for $400 and it would be done. I then gave Ben a call and told him that I was wanting to wait till Tuesday evening to get back to him on what I wanted to do. He agreed with me and said on Tuesday evening we would be in contact and discuss the details. About an hour later I get a call from him and I was on the phone so could not answer and he left a voicemail which said that he was talking with his lawyer and that if he didn't hear from me by 4pm that he would be taking me to court. Well I haven't returned his phone call yet and it is 1:30pm his time now. I actually don't plan on calling him back but rather writing him an e-mail saying we agreed to get back to eachother on the issue on Tuesday evening. Now i am just trying to see if I can possibly get any advice on this situation as to what I can do and what it is really that I would owe to him in the end. Also Andrea is suffering from a condition that affects her short term memory... Post Concussion disorder or something... not sure if that might contribute to her "selective memory"... This all happened in Florida. My rabbit chewed the material that is stapled onto the boxspring... if you wanted to fix it you would have to buy a piece of material and a staple gun to just reattach new material I also looked up FL statutes which say that if your on a month to month its 15 days notice and if its a week to week (which we had agreed on) its 7 days notice. I also gave notice on either Aug.7 or 8/09 I do have copies of where the craigslist ad was for a week to week rental I never had a written lease The issue I am having with paying for the damages caused by the rabbit is that it happened while I was a tenant and I said tell me how much it costs to repair it and I will pay it back to you or I can just fix it myself. Ben then told me don't worry about it is okay. Now that we are having this issue he wants to bring it all back up.
Renting & Real Estate - 8 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
If you did not sign an agreement, but you paid $400 all in one check for the month of July, that can be interpreted as $400 per month; not $100 per week or you would have been paying it weekly. You didn't pay for August, so that is $400. You didn't give notice til the end of August, so you owe for September, which would be the 30 day notice on a month to month. So $400 for September. Sounds like $800 to me too.
2 :
What you did not say is whether or not your rabbit actually caused damage, if it did then your screwed settle out of court CALL HIM NOW.
3 :
its all about his word against your word in a court.you no doubt will have to pay the damages from the rabbit. i live up here in st petersburg fl. we had to use an organization called "home with a heart" to resolve a problem we had with a former landlord and they helped us for a small donation. they did a good job and saved us several hundred dollers. they will speak to your landlord and help sort it out.
4 :
Do you have a printed copy of the original Craig's List ad for the room? Try to print copies of all the correspondence you mention above. Then keep them in a safe place. Keep notes with dates and descriptions of all phone conversations or text messages. The worst that can happen is that they take you to small claims court where they would have to prove that you owe this money for renting a room when you weren't living there. If they did not provide up front information on notice before moving,etc. that's not your fault. I do not think that a week to week room rental is the same as a house or apartment rental that is month to month or annual lease.
5 :
This is a very difficult situation that you're in currently. I would get some information from a lawyer. You often can get your first consultation for free, and I would do this as well. Do ALL that you can with writing, as when you say things orally they will think that won't happen. I think that this Ben person is being very impatient. Just keep your chin up!
6 :
So much BS and so little facts. Do you have a written lease or not. If you have a written lease then you have to follow it. If you don't have a written lease then the only thing you may have to pay for is the any damage you did.
7 :
The problem with verbal contracts is that they are hard to prove. To protect yourself, get a written lease contract from now on. I did a quick google search on "verbal contract florida", and it does appear verbal contracts are recognized by Florida. The craigslist ad, if you still have it, can provide some proof that you had a weekly agreement. Either way, if you never talked about things like move-out notice, deposits, pet deposits, rent due dates, etc., they cannot be assumed to be anything. I just resigned a lease for my apartment, it was 20+ pages. Not all could be covered in a verbal agreement. I would call him today, and ask him to send you an email, something in writing, stating the charges and reason for the charges. Facts don't change just because you ignore them. And the fact, is that he thinks you owe him money. My opinion, is that they knew you were vacating the place and you owe them no more money. Whatever you two work out, get it in writing.
8 :
As a longtime land lady, you owe what he has asked for, and you are lucky. Had you damaged the boxsprings in one of my homes, you would need to pay for a new boxspring as well. If you owned the boxsprings and decided to fix it, that would be fine, because you owned it. When you destroy someone else's property, you must replace it with new.
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My issue is that my ex-landlord (Ben and Andrea) wants to take me to court for $800 and damages that my rabbit caused to the underlining of a bed. When I started to look into renting this place the ad on craigslist posted as $100 per week (I have proof of that). I spoke with Andrea and got everything set up through her. I was going through a divorce and my ex-husband said he would pay for me to stay in a place up to a month so I had time to get everything organized. I paid the landlord a month which was $400. We never entered into any agreement on the length of time I would stay there but just that it would be $100 per week I stayed there. In saying that our oral agreement was for me to pay $100 per week. I asked if I could move in a couple days early and the landlord said it would be fine. I moved in on June 30/09 and the check was dated for June 29/09 and it was for the month of July. I then told them I wouldn't be able to pay my rent for the month of August until August 4th and they were fine with that as Natalie said to me that, that was when my rent was due. I then had some medical issues come up and wasn't able to pay at that time either and said I had to go on an emergency trip to Southern Florida. I ended up leaving on August 6/09 and removed everything I had an left my keys in their kitchen. I spoke with Ben, the landlord, that morning and said if I was going to come back it would be August 20th but I would let them know. Ben then found my step-father's phone number (the person I was staying with in South Florida) and asked him if I was staying there and my step-father said yes. About 2 or 3 days later I told Andrea on a facebook chat message that I would not be returning to stay there. Although Andrea told Ben she has no recollections of it. I didn't hear from Ben or Andrea until August 26/09 when Andrea sent my parents an e-mail on a facebook e-mail on August 25th and she carbon copied it to me saying I owe them $800. Immediately I called to find out what was going on and there was no answer. I texted their phone and finally got in touch with them. During our phone conversations I told them I would pay them the pro-rated amount of the 2 days extra that I was there plus the 7 days notice (as we were on a week to week basis) and Ben denied it saying I was on a month to month. I then said fine I will try and settle with you for the pro-rated days and 15 days notice (for a month to month contract) and Ben said no once again to that. He then told me he wanted to look more into landlord tenant laws and he would get back with me. This is when I decided I would see if you could maybe answer some of my questions. The next day I get an e-mail from Ben because I had a credit application for the place I am residing in now (but not renting from as my step-father pays for it but they for some reason still have to do a background check on people who are staying long-term) and he said that he wanted to settle with me for $400 and it would be done. I then gave Ben a call and told him that I was wanting to wait till Tuesday evening to get back to him on what I wanted to do. He agreed with me and said on Tuesday evening we would be in contact and discuss the details. About an hour later I get a call from him and I was on the phone so could not answer and he left a voicemail which said that he was talking with his lawyer and that if he didn't hear from me by 4pm that he would be taking me to court. Well I haven't returned his phone call yet and it is 1:30pm his time now. I actually don't plan on calling him back but rather writing him an e-mail saying we agreed to get back to eachother on the issue on Tuesday evening. Now i am just trying to see if I can possibly get any advice on this situation as to what I can do and what it is really that I would owe to him in the end. Also Andrea is suffering from a condition that affects her short term memory... Post Concussion disorder or something... not sure if that might contribute to her "selective memory"... This all happened in Florida. My rabbit chewed the material that is stapled onto the boxspring... if you wanted to fix it you would have to buy a piece of material and a staple gun to just reattach new material I also looked up FL statutes which say that if your on a month to month its 15 days notice and if its a week to week (which we had agreed on) its 7 days notice. I also gave notice on either Aug.7 or 8/09 I do have copies of where the craigslist ad was for a week to week rental I never had a written lease The issue I am having with paying for the damages caused by the rabbit is that it happened while I was a tenant and I said tell me how much it costs to repair it and I will pay it back to you or I can just fix it myself. Ben then told me don't worry about it is okay. Now that we are having this issue he wants to bring it all back up.
Renting & Real Estate - 8 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
If you did not sign an agreement, but you paid $400 all in one check for the month of July, that can be interpreted as $400 per month; not $100 per week or you would have been paying it weekly. You didn't pay for August, so that is $400. You didn't give notice til the end of August, so you owe for September, which would be the 30 day notice on a month to month. So $400 for September. Sounds like $800 to me too.
2 :
What you did not say is whether or not your rabbit actually caused damage, if it did then your screwed settle out of court CALL HIM NOW.
3 :
its all about his word against your word in a court.you no doubt will have to pay the damages from the rabbit. i live up here in st petersburg fl. we had to use an organization called "home with a heart" to resolve a problem we had with a former landlord and they helped us for a small donation. they did a good job and saved us several hundred dollers. they will speak to your landlord and help sort it out.
4 :
Do you have a printed copy of the original Craig's List ad for the room? Try to print copies of all the correspondence you mention above. Then keep them in a safe place. Keep notes with dates and descriptions of all phone conversations or text messages. The worst that can happen is that they take you to small claims court where they would have to prove that you owe this money for renting a room when you weren't living there. If they did not provide up front information on notice before moving,etc. that's not your fault. I do not think that a week to week room rental is the same as a house or apartment rental that is month to month or annual lease.
5 :
This is a very difficult situation that you're in currently. I would get some information from a lawyer. You often can get your first consultation for free, and I would do this as well. Do ALL that you can with writing, as when you say things orally they will think that won't happen. I think that this Ben person is being very impatient. Just keep your chin up!
6 :
So much BS and so little facts. Do you have a written lease or not. If you have a written lease then you have to follow it. If you don't have a written lease then the only thing you may have to pay for is the any damage you did.
7 :
The problem with verbal contracts is that they are hard to prove. To protect yourself, get a written lease contract from now on. I did a quick google search on "verbal contract florida", and it does appear verbal contracts are recognized by Florida. The craigslist ad, if you still have it, can provide some proof that you had a weekly agreement. Either way, if you never talked about things like move-out notice, deposits, pet deposits, rent due dates, etc., they cannot be assumed to be anything. I just resigned a lease for my apartment, it was 20+ pages. Not all could be covered in a verbal agreement. I would call him today, and ask him to send you an email, something in writing, stating the charges and reason for the charges. Facts don't change just because you ignore them. And the fact, is that he thinks you owe him money. My opinion, is that they knew you were vacating the place and you owe them no more money. Whatever you two work out, get it in writing.
8 :
As a longtime land lady, you owe what he has asked for, and you are lucky. Had you damaged the boxsprings in one of my homes, you would need to pay for a new boxspring as well. If you owned the boxsprings and decided to fix it, that would be fine, because you owned it. When you destroy someone else's property, you must replace it with new.
Read more other entries :
Saturday, May 7, 2011
LGBT: Why should I feel guilty about some facebook jerk harassing this couple I'm sexually involved with?
LGBT: Why should I feel guilty about some facebook jerk harassing this couple I'm sexually involved with?
I'm a 21 year old gay guy and I created a facebook page two weeks ago. That same day, I received and accepted a friend request from this gay guy(lets call him "LOSER"). He looked so familiar and I realized that he was an old myspace friend of mine. I deleted my myspace page in September 2008. Me and LOSER used to message each other on myspace two years ago talking about hooking up and stuff. I admit he is hot and he's about my age but we never ended up hooking up. We never met in person at all. Anyway, for a while now, I've been sexually/romantically involved with a gay couple named Luis and Sergio(I posted many yahoo questions concerning them). Luis and I are actually in love. Sergio and I have feelings that seem to be progressing into love. I'm living with them now and we're discussing the possibility of having a three-way relationship(not just a threesome) and moving to Florida this summer. Anyway, the day after I created my Facebook page. LOSER left a rude comment on several pictures of me, Luis and Sergio together(it turns out that he's been on their friends' list for a while though they've never really spoken). Right away, Sergio and I blocked him. But Luis simply told LOSER to stop leaving rude comments on our pics. LOSER said he didn't mean any disrespect, so Luis accepted his apology and left it alone. Two weeks passed with no issues but today Luis was pissed off because LOSER left another rude comment. When Luis confronted him about it, LOSER called him an "old f*ck" and trashy. Well, Luis turned 37 years old yesterday but let me to tell you something he is still sexier than many guys MY AGE. He often gets mistaken for 25(sometimes younger)! Sure, his facebook has a lot of half-naked pics of himself but he's very classy nonetheless and very intelligent. Anyway, Luis told the guy off and blocked him. But he is pissed. But what concerns me is this text message that Luis sent to me: "Im gonna punch ur stupid little friend in the F**king face if I eva meet him. It seems like eva since he saw u in pics with me and Sergio thats when he started leavin those stupid comments." Why is he referring to LOSER as my "friend" just because he happened to be some **** I used to talk to on myspace? Like I said I never even met the guy once. So, I don't know why this guy is acting so stupid. Does it sound Luis is accusing me of something or is he reacting this way out of anger for the moment? I'm pissed myself and I can't talk to Luis right now because he's VERY pissed and I don't want us to end up arguing. What should I do?
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
He'll get over it. He is just mad and has to blame someone or say nasty things to other people. It's the way a lot of people deal with anger. I would just let it be.
2 :
He is upset. Give him time to cool off. This LOSER could just be hating because of the fact that you are doing better than he is or you are happier than he is.
3 :
I would say let him cool off and he's just upset about this situation and you were in the line of fire. But it's probably out of the moment anger. With this "LOSER" who knows if he's a stalker and doesn't understand the difference between reality and fantasy. I would steer clear of this LOSER.
4 :
leave it alone for a while, let him cool down and forget it. i think you should forget the whole thing too, as long as the "Loser" no longer has anyway of commenting or contacting you or them.
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I'm a 21 year old gay guy and I created a facebook page two weeks ago. That same day, I received and accepted a friend request from this gay guy(lets call him "LOSER"). He looked so familiar and I realized that he was an old myspace friend of mine. I deleted my myspace page in September 2008. Me and LOSER used to message each other on myspace two years ago talking about hooking up and stuff. I admit he is hot and he's about my age but we never ended up hooking up. We never met in person at all. Anyway, for a while now, I've been sexually/romantically involved with a gay couple named Luis and Sergio(I posted many yahoo questions concerning them). Luis and I are actually in love. Sergio and I have feelings that seem to be progressing into love. I'm living with them now and we're discussing the possibility of having a three-way relationship(not just a threesome) and moving to Florida this summer. Anyway, the day after I created my Facebook page. LOSER left a rude comment on several pictures of me, Luis and Sergio together(it turns out that he's been on their friends' list for a while though they've never really spoken). Right away, Sergio and I blocked him. But Luis simply told LOSER to stop leaving rude comments on our pics. LOSER said he didn't mean any disrespect, so Luis accepted his apology and left it alone. Two weeks passed with no issues but today Luis was pissed off because LOSER left another rude comment. When Luis confronted him about it, LOSER called him an "old f*ck" and trashy. Well, Luis turned 37 years old yesterday but let me to tell you something he is still sexier than many guys MY AGE. He often gets mistaken for 25(sometimes younger)! Sure, his facebook has a lot of half-naked pics of himself but he's very classy nonetheless and very intelligent. Anyway, Luis told the guy off and blocked him. But he is pissed. But what concerns me is this text message that Luis sent to me: "Im gonna punch ur stupid little friend in the F**king face if I eva meet him. It seems like eva since he saw u in pics with me and Sergio thats when he started leavin those stupid comments." Why is he referring to LOSER as my "friend" just because he happened to be some **** I used to talk to on myspace? Like I said I never even met the guy once. So, I don't know why this guy is acting so stupid. Does it sound Luis is accusing me of something or is he reacting this way out of anger for the moment? I'm pissed myself and I can't talk to Luis right now because he's VERY pissed and I don't want us to end up arguing. What should I do?
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
He'll get over it. He is just mad and has to blame someone or say nasty things to other people. It's the way a lot of people deal with anger. I would just let it be.
2 :
He is upset. Give him time to cool off. This LOSER could just be hating because of the fact that you are doing better than he is or you are happier than he is.
3 :
I would say let him cool off and he's just upset about this situation and you were in the line of fire. But it's probably out of the moment anger. With this "LOSER" who knows if he's a stalker and doesn't understand the difference between reality and fantasy. I would steer clear of this LOSER.
4 :
leave it alone for a while, let him cool down and forget it. i think you should forget the whole thing too, as long as the "Loser" no longer has anyway of commenting or contacting you or them.
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Sunday, May 1, 2011
Does anyone know why he isn't calling?
Does anyone know why he isn't calling?
Super long story, but I'll do my best to brief it up. I currently live and go to school in Chicago, but my family lives in Southern California. I visit often, and will be moving to San Diego in November when I am finished with school. There is a guy in San Diego, that I have known for the past four years. We have a great connection- lots of chemistry, and share many of the same values. We've kept in touch while I've been in Chicago, sometimes we'll chat on the phone for 6-7 hours straight. I saw him during my visit in August, and it was then that he expressed an interest in wanting to be in a relationship. Of course, the feelings were mutual, but at the time, I was in a very serious relationship. He continued to pursue me, but didn't want to get in the way of my relationship. He said he is at the point in his life (he is 27) where he wants to begin settling down, and said that he thinks I am the right woman for him. My boyfriend and I ended things in December, and the guy in SD continued to pursue me, and express his feelings. He always questioned what my plans are after school in Chicago- always wanting to know if I am really coming back or not. A few months ago, he told me that he is afraid that I'll always be the girl who got away. I came home for a visit this past March, and we spent a few days together. We had a great time- he left me notes all over his place, and when he had to leave for work, he would call during his breaks to tell me how much he missed me. The last night I was there, we discussed our situation, and we both shared the same feelings toward one another. I told him I would be back in November for good. Since I've been in Chicago, (about a month now) however, we've barely been speaking. I know this sounds gay, but a couple days after I left, he made his default picture on facebook one of the two of us. I've been really confused, because things seem sort of different now and I don't know why. We've talked a few times since I've been home, but there is certainly a lack of enthusiasm on his end of things. He isn't calling/texting/etc. as much as before, but still has our picture up, which in my opinion, is kind of a relationship thing to do. Not to mention, all of his other default pics are either of him by himself or with his cousins who he is very close to. I am the only girl (non related) that is up there. Anyway, if anyone has any *kind* advice on this matter, I'd appreciate it. I just don't know what's going on, and I don't want to be the needy girl and ask him, "what's wrong?" So this is why I post here. :) Thanks in advance.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm in a similar situation and all I can think is that when some guys feel they've "got" you they don't think they need to work as hard any more. Ring him and ask him if you've done something wrong as he's not as chatty as he was. I don't think you have tho- it's just a man thing!
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Super long story, but I'll do my best to brief it up. I currently live and go to school in Chicago, but my family lives in Southern California. I visit often, and will be moving to San Diego in November when I am finished with school. There is a guy in San Diego, that I have known for the past four years. We have a great connection- lots of chemistry, and share many of the same values. We've kept in touch while I've been in Chicago, sometimes we'll chat on the phone for 6-7 hours straight. I saw him during my visit in August, and it was then that he expressed an interest in wanting to be in a relationship. Of course, the feelings were mutual, but at the time, I was in a very serious relationship. He continued to pursue me, but didn't want to get in the way of my relationship. He said he is at the point in his life (he is 27) where he wants to begin settling down, and said that he thinks I am the right woman for him. My boyfriend and I ended things in December, and the guy in SD continued to pursue me, and express his feelings. He always questioned what my plans are after school in Chicago- always wanting to know if I am really coming back or not. A few months ago, he told me that he is afraid that I'll always be the girl who got away. I came home for a visit this past March, and we spent a few days together. We had a great time- he left me notes all over his place, and when he had to leave for work, he would call during his breaks to tell me how much he missed me. The last night I was there, we discussed our situation, and we both shared the same feelings toward one another. I told him I would be back in November for good. Since I've been in Chicago, (about a month now) however, we've barely been speaking. I know this sounds gay, but a couple days after I left, he made his default picture on facebook one of the two of us. I've been really confused, because things seem sort of different now and I don't know why. We've talked a few times since I've been home, but there is certainly a lack of enthusiasm on his end of things. He isn't calling/texting/etc. as much as before, but still has our picture up, which in my opinion, is kind of a relationship thing to do. Not to mention, all of his other default pics are either of him by himself or with his cousins who he is very close to. I am the only girl (non related) that is up there. Anyway, if anyone has any *kind* advice on this matter, I'd appreciate it. I just don't know what's going on, and I don't want to be the needy girl and ask him, "what's wrong?" So this is why I post here. :) Thanks in advance.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm in a similar situation and all I can think is that when some guys feel they've "got" you they don't think they need to work as hard any more. Ring him and ask him if you've done something wrong as he's not as chatty as he was. I don't think you have tho- it's just a man thing!
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Thursday, April 28, 2011
What should I do about my girlfriend?
What should I do about my girlfriend?
I recently about 2 months ago broke up with my girlfriend. We dated for about 4 to 5 months and it was completely amazing. She always stayed over and we did everything together. It actually became really serious really fast and I took as a serious relationship. I met her family they loved me and she loved mine. In December she will be moving back to Texas where she is from. She is only attending school here. Talks of me moving to Texas to be with her were also discussed. I really fell for this girl. Well the week we broke up she had a girls night out of town she had to go to. None of the girls ended up going (which I knew would happen.) and she ended up going out on the town with her ex all night and staying on his couch. Well her ex turns out to be one of my best friends from HS that she had no idea. Rest assured I was very angry and didnt trust anything had not happened. Nothing did of course and we decided to be friends after the break up and made the mistake of hooking up and still seeing each other. Now she admits that was her trying to hold on to me and work things out. Which I had no idea that's what she was doing. Well now 2 months later she is sleeping with one of my best friends and wont talk to me or anything and deleted me from facebook. Heres the thing.... I was very very angry all the time and did things like texted her in the middle of the night cussing her out for me feeling betrayed. Now she doesnt want a friendship and is sorry for hurting me and is sorry for dating my friend. I still really care about her and feel bad about the text and anger. I realize that I took it all too serious and she just wanted someone to hold her at night and just be there for her. She was really just lonely. She actually cared about me but didnt mean to make things so serious. Should I forget her or write her a letter? Should I feel bad or apologize to her. I know I will run into her intentionally again. Ill be in Texas in the Airforce. I love her what should I do? My friends don't understand why I can't get over here but I think it's because everything came crashing down at once. I'm also very sensitive to this subject. I didn't want a girlfriend and I've slept around a lot I'm 24 and I've slept with 31 women in the past 4 years and I'm just tired of it. As soon as I met her I was like ok this is something I would love. I've never had more fun with anyone and never wanted to take care of someone so much. When she left I felt like I lost a part of myself. My mom killed herself when I was 8 and my stepmom of 10 years left in the middle of the night and moved to Alaska and never talked to me again. I can't loose her.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
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1 :
I'm sorry for what you've been through, i also lost my mother in a similar way. If you truly care about this girl as much as you say you do I think you should meet with her face to face and talk about it. Don't blame all of the mistakes on you, or her. She shouldn't have done what she did, and you shouldn't have reacted the way you did. Let her know that it's obvious that you both need to work on some things. Which is fine! No relationship is perfect. If she wants to move on, don't push it. Maybe a few years down the road, she'll come back. Maybe she won't. Accept the answer that you're given. I don't believe that there is only one person out there for each person. usually, people come across several people in their lifetime that they fall for, very hard. Heartbreak is apart of life. Some people are fortunate enough to not have it happen, but it is very rare. If you made it through what you've been through already, then buddy, you can make it through anything else that is thrown at you. You will find someone to be with for the rest of your life. And if this girl doesn't want to be the one, its not meant to be and you WILL find someone else eventually if you keep your eye out and don't give up. Good luck :)
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I recently about 2 months ago broke up with my girlfriend. We dated for about 4 to 5 months and it was completely amazing. She always stayed over and we did everything together. It actually became really serious really fast and I took as a serious relationship. I met her family they loved me and she loved mine. In December she will be moving back to Texas where she is from. She is only attending school here. Talks of me moving to Texas to be with her were also discussed. I really fell for this girl. Well the week we broke up she had a girls night out of town she had to go to. None of the girls ended up going (which I knew would happen.) and she ended up going out on the town with her ex all night and staying on his couch. Well her ex turns out to be one of my best friends from HS that she had no idea. Rest assured I was very angry and didnt trust anything had not happened. Nothing did of course and we decided to be friends after the break up and made the mistake of hooking up and still seeing each other. Now she admits that was her trying to hold on to me and work things out. Which I had no idea that's what she was doing. Well now 2 months later she is sleeping with one of my best friends and wont talk to me or anything and deleted me from facebook. Heres the thing.... I was very very angry all the time and did things like texted her in the middle of the night cussing her out for me feeling betrayed. Now she doesnt want a friendship and is sorry for hurting me and is sorry for dating my friend. I still really care about her and feel bad about the text and anger. I realize that I took it all too serious and she just wanted someone to hold her at night and just be there for her. She was really just lonely. She actually cared about me but didnt mean to make things so serious. Should I forget her or write her a letter? Should I feel bad or apologize to her. I know I will run into her intentionally again. Ill be in Texas in the Airforce. I love her what should I do? My friends don't understand why I can't get over here but I think it's because everything came crashing down at once. I'm also very sensitive to this subject. I didn't want a girlfriend and I've slept around a lot I'm 24 and I've slept with 31 women in the past 4 years and I'm just tired of it. As soon as I met her I was like ok this is something I would love. I've never had more fun with anyone and never wanted to take care of someone so much. When she left I felt like I lost a part of myself. My mom killed herself when I was 8 and my stepmom of 10 years left in the middle of the night and moved to Alaska and never talked to me again. I can't loose her.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm sorry for what you've been through, i also lost my mother in a similar way. If you truly care about this girl as much as you say you do I think you should meet with her face to face and talk about it. Don't blame all of the mistakes on you, or her. She shouldn't have done what she did, and you shouldn't have reacted the way you did. Let her know that it's obvious that you both need to work on some things. Which is fine! No relationship is perfect. If she wants to move on, don't push it. Maybe a few years down the road, she'll come back. Maybe she won't. Accept the answer that you're given. I don't believe that there is only one person out there for each person. usually, people come across several people in their lifetime that they fall for, very hard. Heartbreak is apart of life. Some people are fortunate enough to not have it happen, but it is very rare. If you made it through what you've been through already, then buddy, you can make it through anything else that is thrown at you. You will find someone to be with for the rest of your life. And if this girl doesn't want to be the one, its not meant to be and you WILL find someone else eventually if you keep your eye out and don't give up. Good luck :)
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Thursday, April 14, 2011
How do I discipline my 15 year old sister over the summer?
How do I discipline my 15 year old sister over the summer?
I myself am 24, and am contemplating having my 15 year old sister spend the summer with my family. She lives in Texas, and we are in Nebraska. She is a great student, she takes honors classes and play the clarinet in the marching band. Totally differnt at home though. Shes been quite unruly the past year and a half. Mainly boy troubles, and disrespecting/being rude my mom. It started with texting cleavage pictures to boys--which led to having her cell taken away, then instant messaging sexual messages on Facebook-- so she has lost her computer privleges at home, she carried on a relationship with a boy three years older than her in a program similar to JROTC, even after being told to stop. Most recently, my mom found out she and this boy had had sex. I wont go into all the details, but I have no problem answering questions about her situation. I want her to come to my house for the summer, not to escape her problems/punishment, but to let her see that she can still be 15. That even though she did let mom down, its not the end of the world. She can still be happy. I want her to go to church, and get involved with a youth group. I'd like her to have a summer job, and take on more responsibilities at home. I want her to learn to communicate, that even when you ahve made a mistake, you can talk about it. She could also play in one of the city's summer sports leagues. I'm stumped for discipline ideas though. She's 15, shes not perfect. I know she will disobey me. There will be a day she comes home late, or doesnt tell me shes going somewhere, or won't clean her room, etc. Just seems whatever discipline my mother uses does not get through. I want her to understand the things she has done are wrong, and that there will be a punishment for it. I just don;t know what. I do plan to discuss discipline/punishment with our mom, I just think we need new ideas! I'd like ot have her know what her punishments will be for certain behaviors... so that I am more enforcing rules and discipline from our mom, than trying to be her boss. I want to try to keep the sister role in this, not take over the mom role. Thanks!
Adolescent - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
my moms Friend has a 20 yr, 16 yr, 10 yr, and a 4 yr and she took in her 14 yr niece on the count of the 14yr old's mom lost her home so they split up the kids anyways...the 14 yr old is the same way yet her aunt just wants to condemn her and not discipline her so if it were i ((in both your situations)) i would make her go to church sun morning and night sundays school and everything and youth group on Wednesday night because if shes around good christian kids shes gonna act better to try to fit in
2 :
Really you can't stop her. The more you try to stop her, the more cool stories she'll have to share to all the boys. She's reaching that age - and all you can do is remind her to continue with her regular routines and maybe share a few stories of your sexual life. A small warning about a few guys will go a long way. Other then that you must give her her space and trust her. She'll be peer pressures into sharing pictures and such; but that's how most girls that age are. You need to remind her of her woman power; and place your trust in her. Maybe continue reminding her you trust her so she will feel guilty in the acts. Sadly if you push to hard to get in the way; you'll make the situations worse.
3 :
Hey!! I'm in Nebraska!! Anyways! I think it's great you want to do this, being a big sister myself, I know what it's like to want to guide the little one. I say you take her out for her favorite food or ice cream and have a talk. Tell her that yeah, what she was doing was bad but you don't think she's a horrible person. Tell her that no matter what everyone is going to love her just the same. Also, give her a self esteem boost. The reason she's sending those pics is because she feels like the only way she will get a guy is by showing off. Same with sex. Take her to get her hair done and teach her how to be a lady. Tell her that playing hard to get is just as effective. I like the job idea. I got a job at 15 and I matured fast. It was great to be able to do what I wanted with my money. I'm sure she wants a car when she turns 16, so this is a great way to save up. Youth group and church are good too. This way she can make friends while she'd down there. As for punishment get her a tracfone. The prepaid phone will help with responsibility! When she gets her job she will be paying for it so I doubt she'll want to use it that much. And make sure you check the phone too. She did something bad and still deserves a punishment, so her privacy rights have been taken away. I would block facebook, myspace, skype, AIM, all of that kind of stuff on your computer. And make sure you are checking the history. Maybe put her in etiquette classes to teach her manners and how to respect her mom and herself. Remember, tell her you love her and that if she works hard at becoming a better person, life at home will become a lot easier. :)
4 :
Punishment isn't going to work anymore. She is fast becoming an adult .. she knows it. What you need to do it talk to her as an equal. She needs to realize that she should stop these things for herself not to avoid punishment. Here's an example ... When I was a teen there were many people offering me drugs. I thought (and still do) people that did drugs were stupid and wanted nothing to do with them. Had I wanted the drugs no amount of punishment would have stopped me from taking them. In your sister's case she has to avoid sex because she wants to. As for punishments... Cleaning her room? Try mocking her filth ... embarrassment is a very big motivator .. so if she doesn't clean it tell her you will post pictures of her room on facebook. When she is late or doesn't tell you where she went.... time to practice your acting skills. Make a big fuss when she comes home. "OMG! I thought you were dead or someone kidnapped you!" Crying as much as you can. Guilt .. also good motivation. Make her swear that she will never ever do that again. As for sex... hmmm... that one is going to be the hardest to manage. As I said no punishment will stop this. Playing devil's advocate you could approach the matter by telling her personal stories (make one up if you have to) about how you had problems because you had sex with someone.
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I myself am 24, and am contemplating having my 15 year old sister spend the summer with my family. She lives in Texas, and we are in Nebraska. She is a great student, she takes honors classes and play the clarinet in the marching band. Totally differnt at home though. Shes been quite unruly the past year and a half. Mainly boy troubles, and disrespecting/being rude my mom. It started with texting cleavage pictures to boys--which led to having her cell taken away, then instant messaging sexual messages on Facebook-- so she has lost her computer privleges at home, she carried on a relationship with a boy three years older than her in a program similar to JROTC, even after being told to stop. Most recently, my mom found out she and this boy had had sex. I wont go into all the details, but I have no problem answering questions about her situation. I want her to come to my house for the summer, not to escape her problems/punishment, but to let her see that she can still be 15. That even though she did let mom down, its not the end of the world. She can still be happy. I want her to go to church, and get involved with a youth group. I'd like her to have a summer job, and take on more responsibilities at home. I want her to learn to communicate, that even when you ahve made a mistake, you can talk about it. She could also play in one of the city's summer sports leagues. I'm stumped for discipline ideas though. She's 15, shes not perfect. I know she will disobey me. There will be a day she comes home late, or doesnt tell me shes going somewhere, or won't clean her room, etc. Just seems whatever discipline my mother uses does not get through. I want her to understand the things she has done are wrong, and that there will be a punishment for it. I just don;t know what. I do plan to discuss discipline/punishment with our mom, I just think we need new ideas! I'd like ot have her know what her punishments will be for certain behaviors... so that I am more enforcing rules and discipline from our mom, than trying to be her boss. I want to try to keep the sister role in this, not take over the mom role. Thanks!
Adolescent - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
my moms Friend has a 20 yr, 16 yr, 10 yr, and a 4 yr and she took in her 14 yr niece on the count of the 14yr old's mom lost her home so they split up the kids anyways...the 14 yr old is the same way yet her aunt just wants to condemn her and not discipline her so if it were i ((in both your situations)) i would make her go to church sun morning and night sundays school and everything and youth group on Wednesday night because if shes around good christian kids shes gonna act better to try to fit in
2 :
Really you can't stop her. The more you try to stop her, the more cool stories she'll have to share to all the boys. She's reaching that age - and all you can do is remind her to continue with her regular routines and maybe share a few stories of your sexual life. A small warning about a few guys will go a long way. Other then that you must give her her space and trust her. She'll be peer pressures into sharing pictures and such; but that's how most girls that age are. You need to remind her of her woman power; and place your trust in her. Maybe continue reminding her you trust her so she will feel guilty in the acts. Sadly if you push to hard to get in the way; you'll make the situations worse.
3 :
Hey!! I'm in Nebraska!! Anyways! I think it's great you want to do this, being a big sister myself, I know what it's like to want to guide the little one. I say you take her out for her favorite food or ice cream and have a talk. Tell her that yeah, what she was doing was bad but you don't think she's a horrible person. Tell her that no matter what everyone is going to love her just the same. Also, give her a self esteem boost. The reason she's sending those pics is because she feels like the only way she will get a guy is by showing off. Same with sex. Take her to get her hair done and teach her how to be a lady. Tell her that playing hard to get is just as effective. I like the job idea. I got a job at 15 and I matured fast. It was great to be able to do what I wanted with my money. I'm sure she wants a car when she turns 16, so this is a great way to save up. Youth group and church are good too. This way she can make friends while she'd down there. As for punishment get her a tracfone. The prepaid phone will help with responsibility! When she gets her job she will be paying for it so I doubt she'll want to use it that much. And make sure you check the phone too. She did something bad and still deserves a punishment, so her privacy rights have been taken away. I would block facebook, myspace, skype, AIM, all of that kind of stuff on your computer. And make sure you are checking the history. Maybe put her in etiquette classes to teach her manners and how to respect her mom and herself. Remember, tell her you love her and that if she works hard at becoming a better person, life at home will become a lot easier. :)
4 :
Punishment isn't going to work anymore. She is fast becoming an adult .. she knows it. What you need to do it talk to her as an equal. She needs to realize that she should stop these things for herself not to avoid punishment. Here's an example ... When I was a teen there were many people offering me drugs. I thought (and still do) people that did drugs were stupid and wanted nothing to do with them. Had I wanted the drugs no amount of punishment would have stopped me from taking them. In your sister's case she has to avoid sex because she wants to. As for punishments... Cleaning her room? Try mocking her filth ... embarrassment is a very big motivator .. so if she doesn't clean it tell her you will post pictures of her room on facebook. When she is late or doesn't tell you where she went.... time to practice your acting skills. Make a big fuss when she comes home. "OMG! I thought you were dead or someone kidnapped you!" Crying as much as you can. Guilt .. also good motivation. Make her swear that she will never ever do that again. As for sex... hmmm... that one is going to be the hardest to manage. As I said no punishment will stop this. Playing devil's advocate you could approach the matter by telling her personal stories (make one up if you have to) about how you had problems because you had sex with someone.
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Thursday, April 7, 2011
Boyfriends "ex", still dating her or is she crazy?
Boyfriends "ex", still dating her or is she crazy?
My bf of 6 months has an ex gf who lives in Pennsylvania and we live in California. They dated 5 years ago and tried to remain friends. When we first started dating she would text alot, he said they were just friends and that the ex is also best friends with his sister, that is why they stay in touch. I did look in his phone once and saw that she had been dirty texting him, I read the messages they were all her talking about what she would like to do to him. From what I can gather of the situation, he broke up with a girlfriend of two years, met me by chance a few months later, and the Pennsylvania ex was hoping he would date her again. My bf said they got into a huge fight a few months ago but wouldn't specify why other than some things that came up while they were dating was still going on and he put his foot down and put an end to it and they wouldn't be talking anymore. I tried to ask him more and he said it was between he and she and that I was prying. I looked at his ex's Facebook page yesterday and she posts alot of things about him, about how she gave him a second chance, what a jerk he is, how mentally and physically abusive he was and implied they were sleeping together. She also lied to him and said I contacted her on Facebook and we chatted, even though I never did. I don't know if I believe all of this since she lives across the country. Do you guys think she wants him back and is trying to make trouble in our relationship or they were "dating" via phone long distance? I have tried discussing the situation but never asked him outright if they were dating. I could email her, but don't know if she would even tell me the truth.
Singles & Dating - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Why are you trying to be in contact with her, you just appear to look jealous err something. I believe that your boyfriend has feeling for his ex still, and if they were obviously sexting and you two are together, the ex is probably not lying. Why are you still with the guy and trying to put the blame on the girl. It's his fault, he should know his boundaries but obviously, he doesn't. If I was you, I'd break it off. It's seems as if you're only half the relationship. He's cheating. You deserve better.
2 :
It sounds like he was previously messed up with a psycho with some baggage that she can't let go of. I think you should take a hard line, zero tolerance policy. Tell him that if he ever communicates with her again, you will cut him. Not cut him off, but cut him, like with a sharpened steel blade. Test his loyalty by demanding that he get your name, or perhaps your portrait, tattooed on a visible part of his body. If you find out that he's been wasting you time, then create an itemized bill for everything you've ever bought him, then add 10% "just for putting up with his nonsense". I stayed up late last night and Facebooked with some of my Amish friends in Pennsylvania to see if they had any advice for you. One possible explanation for the dirty texts could be that she was just talking about where she lives. Does she by chance live in or near Intercourse, PA? My Amish friends explained that sometimes non-Amish people get confused when they get a text from an Amish person about that city. Is the ex-girlfriend Amish?
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My bf of 6 months has an ex gf who lives in Pennsylvania and we live in California. They dated 5 years ago and tried to remain friends. When we first started dating she would text alot, he said they were just friends and that the ex is also best friends with his sister, that is why they stay in touch. I did look in his phone once and saw that she had been dirty texting him, I read the messages they were all her talking about what she would like to do to him. From what I can gather of the situation, he broke up with a girlfriend of two years, met me by chance a few months later, and the Pennsylvania ex was hoping he would date her again. My bf said they got into a huge fight a few months ago but wouldn't specify why other than some things that came up while they were dating was still going on and he put his foot down and put an end to it and they wouldn't be talking anymore. I tried to ask him more and he said it was between he and she and that I was prying. I looked at his ex's Facebook page yesterday and she posts alot of things about him, about how she gave him a second chance, what a jerk he is, how mentally and physically abusive he was and implied they were sleeping together. She also lied to him and said I contacted her on Facebook and we chatted, even though I never did. I don't know if I believe all of this since she lives across the country. Do you guys think she wants him back and is trying to make trouble in our relationship or they were "dating" via phone long distance? I have tried discussing the situation but never asked him outright if they were dating. I could email her, but don't know if she would even tell me the truth.
Singles & Dating - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Why are you trying to be in contact with her, you just appear to look jealous err something. I believe that your boyfriend has feeling for his ex still, and if they were obviously sexting and you two are together, the ex is probably not lying. Why are you still with the guy and trying to put the blame on the girl. It's his fault, he should know his boundaries but obviously, he doesn't. If I was you, I'd break it off. It's seems as if you're only half the relationship. He's cheating. You deserve better.
2 :
It sounds like he was previously messed up with a psycho with some baggage that she can't let go of. I think you should take a hard line, zero tolerance policy. Tell him that if he ever communicates with her again, you will cut him. Not cut him off, but cut him, like with a sharpened steel blade. Test his loyalty by demanding that he get your name, or perhaps your portrait, tattooed on a visible part of his body. If you find out that he's been wasting you time, then create an itemized bill for everything you've ever bought him, then add 10% "just for putting up with his nonsense". I stayed up late last night and Facebooked with some of my Amish friends in Pennsylvania to see if they had any advice for you. One possible explanation for the dirty texts could be that she was just talking about where she lives. Does she by chance live in or near Intercourse, PA? My Amish friends explained that sometimes non-Amish people get confused when they get a text from an Amish person about that city. Is the ex-girlfriend Amish?
Read more other entries :
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