Would anyone be so kind to proofread my cover letter?
I don't usually ask anyone for help while writing a cover letter, but now it's kind of crucial for me. I would appreciate if anyone could have a look at it quickly and juts let me know about some mistakes or bad stylistics I could have made. Thanks a lot!!!! ******* Dear Andrew, as you probably know, I'm currently working as a Community Manager at Facebook. I love the company, but however great experience it has been, I‘ve been starting to look around for a new opportunity besides. We have been paid peanuts for half a year and we don’t have good prospects unfortunately, as the strategy for our Birmingham team is „internships only“. I am applying for the grad position posted on your website. At your convenience, I'd appreciate the opportunity to discuss the position and my candidacy with you. You can find my CV attached to this e-mail or online at: xxxx My extensive experience for the past 8 year gives me a unique ability to excel in various fields across marketing, advertising and sales. Before joining Facebook, I worked as a Campaign Manager at Citibank, Product & Project Manager in HSBC, Project & Telesales Manager in a multinational IT company and Account Director & Partner in an innovative digital ad agency. I have an account handling experience, thorough analytical and planning skills and I benefit from international experience combined with interest in world economies and linguistry. I enjoy fast-paced environment, I am self-motivated do-er with solid work ethic and I take an entrepreneurial approach to anything I do. I’ve been watching Saatchi’s work, team and company’s spirit since we’ve joined your office and I believe I would be an ideal match for this position. I'd love to find out more about the position you're looking to fill, and I would welcome the opportunity to tell you how my skills and ideas can benefit Saatchi. Thanks for your consideration, I look forward to hearing from you soon! Best regards, Jan Thank you so much! I really appreciate your help
Words & Wordplay - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I think it sounds good, but is too long. I would take out the paragraphs about yourself. That is not what a cover letter is meant for. They are supposed to be super short and to the point. I work in Human Resources and a lot of the managers do not even look at applications that are very long and "flowery."
2 :
>> as you probably know, I'm currently working as a Community >> Manager at Facebook. This is extraneous. Delete it. >> I love the company, Rewrite :I love my position as a community Manager at Facebook >> but however great experience it has been, I‘ve been starting to >> look around for a new opportunity besides. Rewrite: but am now look for other opportunies to advance my career. >> We have been paid peanuts for half a year and we don’t >> have good prospects unfortunately, as the strategy for >> our Birmingham team is „internships only“. Stop complaining. Really. Not in a cover letter. >> I’ve been watching Saatchi’s work, team and >> company’s spirit I'm not sure about this phrase. >> since we’ve joined your office and I believe Unclear, perhaps it would be clear to the reader. >> I would be an ideal match for this position. Good I believe this sentence could be made better by a pro. >> I'd love to find out more about the position How can you be an ideal match if you don't know all the details? You have a good start. Hopefully other people will have more ideas and you can have the stellar letter you deserve.
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