3 years, one baby, no ring?
Friday will be my 3 year anniversary. We have a 18 month old together (yes, things happen, please don't dwell on that fact) live together, etc. No proposal...even though he promised he would. Last fall after ordering some golf clubs off ebay, he ordered me a ring, too...it cost 13 dollars, well below even a $90 club and $80 dollar jersey he had just ordered. When we were discussing marriage, I told him the ring was not important (it isn't). The thing is, this ring was costume jewelry. So fake I couldn't even pull it off until I got a new one. It was huge and plastic, and he didn't propose, just handed me the envelope when it came in the mail. He acted totally hurt that I was hurt and promised to get me a new one. Well, last month, while having a check for over $4,000, he buys a brand new Xbox and games...pawning the Xbox I bought him for our anniversary 2 years prior. I finally asked, and he said he had no money for a ring. (I had a $200 Wal-Mart ring picked out..). Then, this weekend, I wake up and he has missed messages on his phone. I checked them, because our son was with his aunt. (Ok, and sometimes it's another woman). I just checked to see WHO they were from...and it was another woman..so I read it. It said "Hey" then another "Hey. What are you doing? I'm just sitting here alone in my bedroom, bored....I knew he said he met her in class, I checked, not in class. That is what he told me when I asked, then he admitted that he met her after class while "hanging out" and asked her for her number for "unknown reasons" just came out before he knew it. He had just answered her texts to "be polite" and erased them so I wouldn't be mad. (He was texting her while I was in class). Unfortunately, this is about the 5th woman. I have a list of names. I've found dating websites, messages on myspace/facebook, etc. He told me he needed a "break" and that after his break we could get back together. Ok, so, what does this even mean? Obviously, this guy has no intention of marrying me right? No ring, no proposal, no anniversary plans/gifts (I usually get a mutually liked dvd for special occasions) and a new girls number. I love him though, and I try to think maybe I am too overbearing? Maybe it is because I did not lose the weight he wanted me to? Should I just give up on this now? Yeah, I wasn't mad about the Xbox. Just that he pawned the one I gave him, and had enough money for both items! What he pawned it for could have at least gone toward the ring. Also, he put me into the mind of marriage, as he brought it up, then poof! It was gone. So it makes me think. Also, I bought all of the boy's winter clothes, new toys, etc, so it wasn't that he didn't have money because he spent so much on our son. I should graduate in May with bachelors and associate degrees. He just started school. I think I am also seeing the pattern! lol
Marriage & Divorce - 13 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
yes. you should give up on this now. You have a little boy on your hands who is impulsive to buy boy games as well as looking elsewhere while leaving you hanging. And yes, the ring is important. Don't ever say it isn't again. You know what guys do with that information now don't you? It tells them you're not that important, that you cheap and that you'll wait and wait and wait......Stop waiting. Raise your standards. And never apologize for it.
2 :
You've been with he guy 3 yrs, he's stepping out on you, he spends money on toys when that's probably not the best way spend it if he's got a partner and a child to help support...he doesn't sound ready for marriage or responsible enough, so why are you still wasting time with him??? You can't force someone to be ready to marry and the kid was bad timing indeed but you can't send it back...he can pay you support and not be married to you, and from what you describe he's not someone you'd be happy married to anyway...set him free to sow his oats...
3 :
I don't know why you are waiting for him. If you want to be married, say so.Put a time frame on it and let him know what you expect. You are a grown woman who is a mother. It's time to direct your own life rather than wait on him. Don't have any more babies with boyfriends. Marriage is a goal of yours. Put your priorities straight.
4 :
Babies are expensive. Maybe he can't afford one after buying diapers, baby wipes, formula plus feeding a family. I wandered in the baby section to get some diapers for a friend's daughter and other baby things and was shocked at the prices since my son was a baby! Thank God that was 27 years ago since I had to get diapers for him!
5 :
Honey, an engagement ring should cost a guy roughly 3 month's pay. So, yeah, IT IS important. I would say that the most important thing to your guy is HIM, not you, not your baby, but HIM. This will not likely change - EVER. You have some tough decisions to make, choose wisely.
6 :
Honey I am sorry, but if marriage is what you want this isn't your guy. Trust me if it was his priority, he would have spent the cash on a ring for you - and not all the toys. This is a take it or leave it situation. Take a look at your life with him, and see if you are willing to accept it as-is. With no other expectations, hopes, etc. If you love him enough to stay then stay without expecting anything. After two years of being together unmarried, couples that marry after two years have a significant jump in divorce rates. Basically because of the expectations brought on by marriage and what roles the man and woman play. So if its something you want, embrace it. If not then start moving towards getting on with your life without him. You know he is up to no good. Let's hope he isn't sleeping around for your health's sake. You sound very smart and I am sure can figure this one out.
7 :
He has an established history of cheating (or at least trying), he blows the family budget on toys for himself, and yet you think this is somehow justified because you haven't lost all of the weight you put on bearing his kid? Honey, please listen to yourself. Then call his bluff and take the "break," but tell him you'll be the one letting him know whether you want to put up with his nonsense any longer. I can almost guarantee you he'll panic. Just don't take him back unless you see sincere evidence of long-term change.
8 :
I would of said no if it was just the Xbox and stuff because thats most men. But the other women is just too much, drop that boiii and live your life because you deserve to find your own beautiful husband that understands you :) good luck
9 :
i know you love him...but please let go of him...please...he is disrespecting you in a major way and you will be disrespecting yourself if you go along with his B.S....just look how many women have answered and said let go
10 :
Absolutely he has NO intentions.. you are his comfort zone. Hey, no ring... no marriage... no commitment. You and your child deserve better. You need a committed man who loves you and want to spend the rest of his life with you (and you alone) and your child needs a father who not only loves him but is committed to his mother. Be praying for you.
11 :
A lot of good advice here. This is a tale as old as time. What you have here is a selfish man. Your love will not change him. You are not responsible for what he does; it's not the weight you didn't lose, it's the man himself. He is cheating on you. He doesn't care to marry you because he feels that he is still single and also that you can be bought off with cheap trinkets and lies. Before that baby is old enough to truly remember him, replace that selfish man with a good man. Three quarters of the men out there are good and loving husbands and fathers; get you one of those. Then your precious child will grow up loving a man who is worth it. Women have met this sort of man for thousands and thousands of years. You are not the only one who has suffered like this. Find the man who loves you for you, who eagerly asks for your hand in marriage, and who feels lucky if you say "yes."
12 :
"Obviously, this guy has no intention of marrying me right?" Right. "Should I just give up on this now?" Yes.
13 :
He has no intentions of ever marrying you, and you should consider yourself lucky. Why in the name of all that is sane would you want to spend your life with someone who is immature, irresponsible, dishonest AND cheats on you into the bargain? Stop wasting your time already.
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