Should I "break up" with my lifelong friend?
I have this friend...her and I basically grew up together. In high school...she kind of was like the "pack leader" where everyone followed and wanted to be with...in high school I was pretty lame! LOL! To make a long story short...I don't even know where to begin...cause there is so much to write. My friend and I argue alot. She hasn't been the healthiest with a brain tumor and brain surgery so I humor her but lately I've been arguing back cause it's getting out of control. Her husband has this friend who I used to date...I met his friend through her and her husband...when we met they were not even dating at the time. To make a long story short..this friend treated me really bad..and I allowed it. My friend always defends this guy because he is her husband's friend and always goes against me saying I was full of bullshit cause I trashed him and all I was a hook up to him...when I was seeing this guy .. it seemed more like a hookup. This is all ancient history now but back in April me, my friend and her sister in law all went to Las Vegas and we got to talking about exes...I mentioned this guy that is friends with her husband and she started going off on me and yelling at me about how I am full of shit and that this guy only saw me as a hookup (meanwhile the night before she was at a club with him) ... I yelled at her back and told her to shut up cause this was stuff she was bringing up that took place like over 8 years ago...I walked out and left the rest. She never compliments me, she knocks down everything in my life that means something to me....I posted a pic of me and another friend...the pic was of us at this friends wedding and I was her maid of honor...well my "lifelong" friend commented on facebook for all to see that I need to stand up straight and not slouch otherwise it's a nice pic. This lifelong friend did not have me in her wedding but had the guy i dated as the best man. She posts pics of him on facebook. Also...she has been there for me a few times and lent me money....listened to me vent about my problems...but I noticed that when I vent to her....she turns it around as me trash talking the person and calls me phony...and says gee if you're like this...how do I know you're not phony to me...she says this after knowing me all these years! She even went as far as to accuse me of being in love with her 17 year old brother...I was 28 or 29 at the time all because i got mad at him for something on facebook... There is this guy at work I was sort of seeing and it didnt work out...she went ahead and befriended him against my wishes and even went as far as meeting him in grand central but saying they bumped into each other...this guy and I had issues but we worked them out....but when we had issues and I would discuss them with her..she would take his side and call me mentally ill. This is the big one...almost done: I used to work at a radio station where one of the talk show hosts is a big time medical professional in NYC...this talk show host got my friend an appointment with one of the top neurologists in NYC to perform her surgery...afterwards my friend's husband didnt know how to thank me but not one person in her family did or knew I did this....Im not looking for gratitude but my friend now constantly knocks down the radio station and calls everyone there losers!!!! What do I do? I have known her more than half my life plus she's been so sick...how do I just drop her when I'm also friends with some of her family members???
Friends - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You're trying to rationalize an emotional decision. Relationships -- even long and good ones -- can become toxic. It sounds like that's where you are. Drop contact. If she connects with you and asks why you've been distant, tell her you felt your relationship had run its course. Explain how ugly she'd been. She'll have to own up one way or the other. Her illness does not exonerate her from treating you poorly.
2 :
It honestly sounds like you're now friends with her simply out of obligation - only because you've known her for so long. There really isn't any substance to this friendship if all there is is an exchange of favors but not respect. You aren't obligated to be friends with anyone. So, you know her family -- but if she's not being a good friend any more, then things have obviously run their course and it's not her family's fault. It's sad, what's she's going through, but you need to do what's right for YOU - YOU are the only one taking care of yourself in the end and friendships today seem to come down to obligation simply because you "grew up" with them. However, if you're not going to grow "old "with these friends, and it's not beneficial your life, why hang around? Is this someone you want to be a part of your life forever??? Really think about it and think about all the potential friends you will make in your lifetime - is this one person worth it just because you shared the same toys growing up? The length of your question proves that you're trying to justify having her in your life and you're trying to make sense of the drama surrounding this friendship. Sometimes, enough is enough... PS - if YOU were the one who was sick, would she be there unconditionally for YOU???
Should I "break up" with my lifelong friend?
I have this friend...her and I basically grew up together. In high school...she kind of was like the "pack leader" where everyone followed and wanted to be with...in high school I was pretty lame! LOL! To make a long story short...I don't even know where to begin...cause there is so much to write. My friend and I argue alot. She hasn't been the healthiest with a brain tumor and brain surgery so I humor her but lately I've been arguing back cause it's getting out of control. Her husband has this friend who I used to date...I met his friend through her and her husband...when we met they were not even dating at the time. To make a long story short..this friend treated me really bad..and I allowed it. My friend always defends this guy because he is her husband's friend and always goes against me saying I was full of bullshit cause I trashed him and all I was a hook up to him...when I was seeing this guy .. it seemed more like a hookup. This is all ancient history now but back in April me, my friend and her sister in law all went to Las Vegas and we got to talking about exes...I mentioned this guy that is friends with her husband and she started going off on me and yelling at me about how I am full of shit and that this guy only saw me as a hookup (meanwhile the night before she was at a club with him) ... I yelled at her back and told her to shut up cause this was stuff she was bringing up that took place like over 8 years ago...I walked out and left the rest. She never compliments me, she knocks down everything in my life that means something to me....I posted a pic of me and another friend...the pic was of us at this friends wedding and I was her maid of honor...well my "lifelong" friend commented on facebook for all to see that I need to stand up straight and not slouch otherwise it's a nice pic. This lifelong friend did not have me in her wedding but had the guy i dated as the best man. She posts pics of him on facebook. Also...she has been there for me a few times and lent me money....listened to me vent about my problems...but I noticed that when I vent to her....she turns it around as me trash talking the person and calls me phony...and says gee if you're like this...how do I know you're not phony to me...she says this after knowing me all these years! She even went as far as to accuse me of being in love with her 17 year old brother...I was 28 or 29 at the time all because i got mad at him for something on facebook... There is this guy at work I was sort of seeing and it didnt work out...she went ahead and befriended him against my wishes and even went as far as meeting him in grand central but saying they bumped into each other...this guy and I had issues but we worked them out....but when we had issues and I would discuss them with her..she would take his side and call me mentally ill. This is the big one...almost done: I used to work at a radio station where one of the talk show hosts is a big time medical professional in NYC...this talk show host got my friend an appointment with one of the top neurologists in NYC to perform her surgery...afterwards my friend's husband didnt know how to thank me but not one person in her family did or knew I did this....Im not looking for gratitude but my friend now constantly knocks down the radio station and calls everyone there losers!!!! What do I do? I have known her more than half my life plus she's been so sick...how do I just drop her when I'm also friends with some of her family members???
Friends - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You're trying to rationalize an emotional decision. Relationships -- even long and good ones -- can become toxic. It sounds like that's where you are. Drop contact. If she connects with you and asks why you've been distant, tell her you felt your relationship had run its course. Explain how ugly she'd been. She'll have to own up one way or the other. Her illness does not exonerate her from treating you poorly.
2 :
It honestly sounds like you're now friends with her simply out of obligation - only because you've known her for so long. There really isn't any substance to this friendship if all there is is an exchange of favors but not respect. You aren't obligated to be friends with anyone. So, you know her family -- but if she's not being a good friend any more, then things have obviously run their course and it's not her family's fault. It's sad, what's she's going through, but you need to do what's right for YOU - YOU are the only one taking care of yourself in the end and friendships today seem to come down to obligation simply because you "grew up" with them. However, if you're not going to grow "old "with these friends, and it's not beneficial your life, why hang around? Is this someone you want to be a part of your life forever??? Really think about it and think about all the potential friends you will make in your lifetime - is this one person worth it just because you shared the same toys growing up? The length of your question proves that you're trying to justify having her in your life and you're trying to make sense of the drama surrounding this friendship. Sometimes, enough is enough... PS - if YOU were the one who was sick, would she be there unconditionally for YOU???
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