When I close my eyes, I break down and cry thinking about my husband, my ex and my boyfriend. What should I do?
I swear on everything that I'm not trolling. I am in love with my husband, my ex-boyfriend(first love) and my current boyfriend. I'm 40 years old and I feel like a stupid teenage girl for doing this to them because they are all amazing men. All of whom I have children with. So, I have to make a choice and I'd appreciate some advice and opinions. I met and fell in love with Ricky while we were in college and we dated steadily for over three years(1988-1991). Ricky became my first love when I got into college. I gave him my virginity and everything. During my fourth year in college in 1991, I had to spend four months in Europe studying abroad. Ricky and I had a big argument before I left for Europe but we didn't exactly breakup. While I was in Europe, I met Jeremiah. Although I've never seen him around campus, he was also studying abroad and he was attending the same college as Ricky and me. Jeremiah and I started studying together and then dating and then falling in love. The closer I got to Jeremiah, the farther apart I got from Ricky. When I returned to Georgia, I told Ricky that I fell for someone else so we broke up and it broke his heart. Jeremiah and I stayed together, finished college, got married in 1996, had our daughter Tashi in 1999 and our son Donte in 2001. Jeremiah and I had a great marriage until he cheated on me 5 years ago with some stripper at his brother's bachelor party. I forgave him because I love him and he's a good man over all but I didn't forget. Ricky and I reunited via Facebook in March 2008 through a mutual former classmate. He's divorced and he has a daughter around my kids' age; his ex-wife was a gold-digging, thieving tramp. Sparks started flying again, we met up in person and I proceeded to have an affair with Ricky while married to Jeremiah. I still love Ricky but I had no plans on leaving Jeremiah. Ricky feels no remorse about dating me because he feels as though Jeremiah "robbed" him of what he could have had with me and he needs to watch his pride as a man. True. In college, Jeremiah did tell me to make a choice between him and Ricky or else he would take it to the next level with some girl he was talking to at the time. I chose Jeremiah NOT because I didn't want that girl to have him but because I loved him too much to lose him even though I was in love with Ricky too. So, I guess Ricky is still bitter after all these years. After a few months of reconnecting with Ricky I ended up pregnant. I HAD to tell Jeremiah because I wasn't sure who the father was. Jeremiah was hurt and he packed up and moved out in August 2008 but we still remain legally married. Although I continue to sleep with Ricky, I wasn't ready to commit myself to him because I was still sad about separating from Jeremiah. Even when I gave birth to Ricky's son Daymond(the DNA test proved its is) in April 2009, I still didn't commit. In July 2009, I met Sayyid. He was single, sexy, smart, funny and sweet. He's 15 years my junior but he's VERY mature. Sayyid and I have been dating ever since then and we moved in together. I'm really in love with Sayyid and I gave birth to his daughter Sayyida(another DNA test confirmation). I'm going to admit that ever since Jeremiah and I separated, we would occasionally spend the night together, have sex and sometimes discuss reconciling. Just like I'm in a relationship with Sayyid, Jeremiah has a girlfriend of his own. Now, Jeremiah is sick of "playing games" with me, he told me if I want to give our marriage another chance he will dump his girlfriend Alyssa and I'll have to dump Sayyid. Or else, he's staying with Alyssa, I'm staying with Sayyid and we're getting a divorce. It's a hard decision, especially with all these children involved. I'm in love with Jeremiah, our marriage was wonderful but it was his ONE mistake with that stripper and my ONE mistake with Ricky that ruined it all. Not to mention, Jeremiah and I have two amazing kids who miss having their daddy home. I love Ricky with all my heart and I always looked back and felt bad about the way I betrayed him in college. I always wondered what would have happened if I married him instead. He NEVER would have wound up with such a witch for a wife. The more I look at the precious baby boy I have with Ricky it breaks me down and I cry. But I'm VERY happy with Sayyid and I love him so much. He gave me my fourth child and I gave him his first. I'm sure he knows that I still have feelings for my husband but he has NO clue that I'm still seeing Ricky but he does know about our child. I don't want to keep doing this to them, myself and my children. Whichever one I choose, the other two will be hurt. What would you do if you were me?
Singles & Dating - 18 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I would make an appointment with a counselor. I'm being serious.
2 :
im not reading that whole thing. but from first paragraph. PICKONE> your to old to be a slut right now, like idk, your weird
3 :
Don't close your eyes then. But again what these guys are saying, it's too long.
4 :
I don't want to sound mean but if you think anybody is going to be all devastated about NOT being with someone with your past, you may be overestimating yourself. You have ruined too many lives (particularly the childrens' ) with your behaviour. Be honest with everybody and see who, if anybody, will forgive you and want to be with you.
5 :
I hope you know a lot of people on here won't read this, so if I were you I would see a counselor or therapist honestly. You won't get very many serious answers on here. Good luck!
6 :
If I was you I'd put more time into my kids and less time into my affairs. This is so messed up. I don't know how you'd be in love with three men at the same time. If I was fighting with one love and in love with another I'd have no time to sqeeze another one in. Just open a brotel and get paid for this shit
7 :
this is sick.
8 :
You can't please everyone. Good lord, I would highly suggest getting some counseling, you're in quite a mess here, and you're going to end up hurting your children because of this. Please, get help.
9 :
counselor
10 :
Ok Well since youve been dating ricky this whole time i think you should stay with him.. (at least if he knows about the kids and the other 2 men your still seeing...) Take your kids too ... if hes not ok with that then dont go with him your kids feelings are the most important but they will each probably pick thweir own fathers if you asked them.
11 :
2 options: Meet another guy and have another baby. OR - Keep your pants on and don't date anybody - take care of your kids and get therapy. Your choice - here is a hint - don't choose option one
12 :
Wow.... Well, your marriage is over. It's tainted. You probably wouldn't have got with Ricky if he hadn't cheated and betrayed you. So just cut it off with your husband. You may have an excellent chance with Ricky. He seems like a great guy, who just wants you for himself. If Ricky has never cheated on you, I say, Get with Ricky! He's your first love, you'll always love him, you've already been in a committed relationship before, so you have a good foundation already. Sayyid sounds like he's something new, fresh, exciting. He's just a distraction to get your mind off of the other two. He's a lot younger than you, he's probably an ego boost to you. He's still a young guy, he has a chance with someone else. Well, you might want to consider Sayyid, too. If he makes you really happy, then maybe he's the guy for you. Because heck, maybe you only care for Ricky now because you feel guilty? BUT, what will Sayyid think when he hears you're also with Ricky? You can't hide that from him anymore. The number one thing I can tell you is that whenever you feel hurt, you find someone else. I think you should go to counseling for this. It's not healthy for you, your partner(s), or your children. Just because a guy does something "bad" to you doesn't mean you need to fill the void with a whole other guy. I hope you understand that! Anyways, just honestly think of your feelings. You and your husband won't work. I'll tell you that. You might be "in love" with Ricky over guilty, and you may "love" Sayyid because he's something new and exciting. Maybe you need to make a clean break from them and just be a good mother, and find another guy later down the road, so things are less messy. Just on a side note, I hope you realize how difficult this will be in the future, when the kids get older, when you get in a deeper relationship with the one you choose, etc. Good luck!
13 :
A) That's way too long B) You need to pick, either way you've got kids with each one of these men. C) This is way to serious to be on here, you're old enough to deal with your own shit. Most of the people who ask about these things aren't yet out of their twenties and are most likely still teens. GROW UP.
14 :
As I'm sure you know life isn't easy and not everyone is gonna be pleased with the choices you make. You certainly shouldn't make your decision based on what you feel you owe either of the men, only what you feel. You feel like you screwed Ricky over, there's not a person alive who hasn't felt like that and a good portion of them did exactly what you did or something similar so you shouldn't really kick yourself over something you did so many years ago when you were still practically a kid and if Ricky was mature he wouldn't act like you owe it to him to cheat on your husband or boyfriend. While you may feel like you're acting like a teenager for being upset over this situation, you're not, your emotions know no age and neither does stress. It sounds to me like you need to just take a step back, reevaluate the situation and then make your choice. And keep in mind, your children are just as much of a choice as Ricky, Jeremiah and Sayyid. Keep them in mind as well.
15 :
Your priority should be your children, allowing all these different men in and out of their lives can't be healthy for them, and if you have three separate men on the go I really can't see how you can be putting your children first. Perhaps you should seek professional help, it is not your responsibility to feel guilty about who your ex chose to marry and say your ex did marry you, would YOU have been faithful to him? Probably not, and does that make you any better then her? You need to figure out what it is and who it is you want because the longer you drag it out the more it is you will hurt them. Set them free and allow them to find someone who will be faithful to them
16 :
First things first: Your children. They need you. All good mothers have one thing in common: They care more about their children than they care about themselves. Pur your love affairs aside for a month. Take care of your kids. Clear your head. Go to a psychologist. Get organized. I understand that love is a messy business. It's confusing, it hurts, it's exciting, and you want everything that you can't have. You need some time away from all of these men to think about it without distractions. Go on a vacation. Take your kids to DisneyLand. Find a female friend to discuss this with. Tell her how sexy and amazing and kind you think all three of them are and let her give you some unclouded advice. 1. Take care of your kids. 2. Go to a psychologist 3. Take a vacation AWAY FROM THE MEN. 4. Discuss this with a female friend. Good lucky, girlie. It sounds like a tough situation and it will take some work to get it taken care of.
17 :
First I would get the Divorce. Then try to make a desision to which one you want. The younger guy Sayyid from what you describe about him. He seems like a nice person with a good heart. And Rick is in the past and let the past stay their. I should know I did the samething with my Ex. Bad decision even tho i wounder what would it be like to have him as a husband. I know it will never happen. And I know you dont want to hurt anyone feelings. So divorce the husband, loose the ex, and stay with Sayyid at least with him its a new start. Hope everything go's good. ^_^
18 :
Before i start i have to say that you're old enough to be my mother so i cant see myself giving you advice on what to do on this situation. I'll go ahead and tell you what i think anyways because it seems like you need some help. I cant say that i've been in your situation because i haven't. I cant actually tell you who to choose because i'm not in the place to tell you that either. What i can say is the known of this situation, whats in front of you. I can tell you that what you did to Ricky back in college turned right back on you in the long run, when your husband cheated on you. You made the situation worst when you return the favor to your husband by being with Ricky and then also with Sayyid. Personally i think you should take a break with everybody and think about your children and whats best for them. Only have a relationship with your babies' daddys because of the children and no other reason. Focus on whats important and when you have that balanced then think about what you want when you're mind is clear. There's no easy way out of this situation i can tell you that much. You have to put on those 40 year old shoes and use your wisdom to fix things. Praying to God will help you figure out whats the best. Staying with your husband would be the ideal thing to do. Forgiving, and forgetting is the positive way and work things out. Again i cant tell you whats the right thing to do because there may not be one but just think it out clearly. I hope things work out i truly do. No judgment because we all do things we're not proud of and also we cant control who we fall in love with right?. Good Luck
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