Should I return to my wife, reconcile with my first love or stay with my current girlfriend?
I swear on everything that I'm not trolling. I am in love with my wife, my ex-girlfriend(first love) and my current girlfriend. I'm 40 years old and I feel like a stupid teenage boy for doing this to them because they are all amazing women. All of whom I have a child with or expecting a child with. So, I have to make a choice and I'd appreciate some advice and opinions. I met and fell in love with Rachel while we were in college and we dated steadily for over three years(1988-1991). I was just beginning to shed my "nerd" image after high school and Rachel became my first love when I got into college. We lost our virginity together and everything. During my fourth year in college in 1991, I had to spend four months in Europe studying abroad. Rachel and I had a big argument before I left for Europe but we didn't exactly breakup. While I was in Europe, I met Jenny. Although I've never seen her around campus, she was also studying abroad and she was attending the same college as Rachel and me. Jenny and I started studying together and then dating and then falling in love. The closer I got to Jenny, the farther apart I got from Rachel. When I returned to Florida, I told Rachel that I fell for someone else so we broke up and it broke her heart. Jenny and I stayed together, finished college, got married in 1996, had our daughter Tammi in 1999 and our son Damien in 2001. Jenny and I had a great marriage and I NEVER cheated until last year. Rachel and I reunited via Facebook in March 2009 through a mutual former classmate. She's divorced and she has a son around my kids' age; her ex-husband was an abusive jerk. Sparks started flying again, we met up in person and I proceeded to have an affair with Rachel while married to Jennifer. I still love Rachel but I had no plans on leaving Jenny. Rachel feels no remorse about dating me because she feels as though Jenny "robbed" her of what she could have had with me. True. In college, Jennifer did tell me to make a choice between her and Rachel and I chose Jennifer. So, I guess Rachel is still bitter after all these years. After two months of reconnecting with Rachel, Jenny found out about her. She was hurt and she told me to leave. So, I moved out in May 2009 but we still remained legally married. Although I continue to sleep with Rachel, I wasn't ready to commit myself to her because I was still sad about separating from Jenny. Even when Rachel got pregnant and gave birth to our daughter Destiny in April 2010, I still didn't commit. In July 2009, I met Stephanie. She was single, beautiful, smart, funny and sweet. She's 13 years my junior but she's VERY mature. Stephanie and I have been dating ever since then and we moved in together five months ago. I'm really in love with Stephanie and she's 3 months pregnant now. I'm going to admit that ever since Jenny and I separated, we would occasionally spend the night together, have sex and sometimes discuss reconciling. Just like I'm in a relationship with Stephanie, Jenny has a boyfriend of her own. Now, Jennifer is sick of "playing games" with me, she told me if I want to give our marriage another chance she will dump her boyfriend Andrew and I'll have to dump Stephanie pregnant or not. Or else, she's staying with Andrew, I'm staying with Stephanie and we're getting a divorce. It's a hard decision, especially with all these children involved. I'm in love with Jenny, our marriage was wonderful and it was that ONE mistake with Rachel that ruined it all. Not to mention, Jenny and I have two amazing kids who misses having both their parents together. I love Rachel with all my heart and I always looked back and felt bad about the way I betrayed her in college. So I do feel as though I owe her for that. I always wondered what would have happened if I married her instead. She NEVER would have wound up with such a monster for a husband. The more I look at the precious baby girl I have with Rachel it breaks me down and I cry. But I'm VERY happy with Stephanie and I love her so much. She's giving me my fourth child and I'm giving her her first. I'm sure she knows that I still have feelings for my wife but she has NO that I'm still seeing Rachel but she does know about our child. I don't want to keep doing this. Whichever one I choose, the other two will be hurt. What would you do if you were me?
Marriage & Divorce - 9 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I wonder if any of these unfortunate women are out at the gun range practicing...
2 :
I would never be you, because I have morals and human decency. Guys like you should be castrated so you can't keep reproducing all of these children with all of these different women. Because you can't keep it in your pants, all of these kids have to grow up without having both of their parents together. The only person you're "in-love" with here is yourself. You wouldn't have cheated on all of them and still be doing so if you were truly in love with them. Grow up and start acting like a man rather than a hormonal teenage boy!!!
3 :
As was once sung in a song, "give me back my bullets". First---get a vasectomy. Second, set up and pay child support-----Man-up, dude. Third, either work on your marriage or get out. And fourthly, What is wrong with all the women you are having a relationship with? Have they no self-respect or are they that liberal, like, what's up, ladies?
4 :
I would never be you because I would never be so selfish as to treat so many human beings with as much insensitivity as you have. You don't love any of these women or you wouldn't be playing juvenile HS head games with them while you continue to screw up their lives. You love you. You haven't given them anything but heartache along with a bunch of children in broken homes. You are addicted to the high of the affairs and new conquests.You thrive on getting your ego stroked by the attention. You are a typical cheater. You really need to stop acting like you are some innocent victim who just got sucked into these situations. You made conscious choices. Your next choice should be to leave all of these women alone so that they can find real men who are capable of having a grown up relationship because I have no doubt that a fourth, fifth, and sixth woman will be joining this little drama before long.
5 :
Not sure I believer your disclaimer, but if this is all true...stop behaving like a hormone-driven teenager and grow up. Let Jenny go: she's just as guilty of "game playing" as you are, and she can be Andrew's problem now. Let Rachel go, too. You've never been able to fully commit to her; it's high past time that you let her find someone who will. Then tell Stephanie what's been going on. Let her decide if she wants to stay with someone with such a lousy track record of sticking to his own decisions. If she does, count your blessings; if not, figure out who you are when you're not bouncing from baby mama to baby mama, and figure out how you're going to make up this mess to your kids.
6 :
I think you are in love with your wife, but feel guilty for the way you treated and love Rachel. By that I mean you have love for her, but are not in love with her. I think the same is true for Stephanie. You love her but are not in love with her. I think there had to be a reason you picked Jenny and she did not steal you from Rachel. She gave you a choice and you picked her because she meant more to you. Stephanie is an oasis from having to choose between your feelings of love for Jenny and feelings of guilt towards what you did to Rachel. I think if you give up your marriage, you will forever regret it because your wife is your true love so you should be there for all your children but end your affairs with Rachel and Stephanie and go back to your wife. By the way, I suggest you get a vasectomy or start using condoms. You have fathered 4 children in three different women and no matter whom you pick some kid(s) will be without a full time father. They are the ones you should truly feel bad for and I hope you will at least pay child support.
7 :
You can't be in love with three people at the same time. If that was what love truly meant, then love would not be special in any way whatsoever. I think for the time being it would be beneficial for you to be by yourself. If you loved one of those woman and were truly happy with them, you wouldn't be thinking about the "what ifs" and you wouldn't cheat on them!! Also, try seeking God for guidance since you obviously have no morals.
8 :
Don't believe a word of this as it reads like a script synopsis for a soap.
9 :
I'm only twenty four but I can somewhat relate. I sort of see myself in your shoes a few years down the road. While in college I was in a relationship that lasted about four years. After about a year or so she lost her virginity to me, and the relationship was pretty much okay. I saw myself marrying this girl, but about the third year in I cheated on her. She's totally family orientated and when they found out they just wouldn't approve of me anymore. Despite my constant arguments with her and her family she gave me a second chance. We were doing just fine when her family started to intervene again. They would get in my face, accusing, asking questions that were totally off. It got to the point that one of her sisters saw me with a female cousin and even got of her car to yell things at me...thinking I was again cheating on her sister. At work there was a co-worker who knew of the problems I was having with my girlfriend. She would give me advice, cheer me up, until I started falling for her. I eventually broke it of with my now ex, and started dating my co-worker. (I quit my job so we wouldn't have problems at work). It's been a couple of months since I've had any communication with my now ex, but I still carry a burden on my conscience for what I did to her. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't ask myself "what if". I'm not gonna lie I've shed a couple of tears for acting so damn stupid and irresponsible, like I said I saw myself marrying my ex. I guess what you should do is just man up. Whats it gonna be:your marriage, your first love, or your new girlfriend. Only you can answer this question. -good luck
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