My boyfriend still talks to his ex girlfriend and IT BOTHERS THE HECK OUTTA ME i cant do it anymore!?
Let me tell you the whole story, not in detail because it way too much. But close so you can understand where I'm coming from. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now. We are pretty serious. We hardly have fights, only a few disagreements. And we pretty much get along with everything. HOWEVER, his ex girlfriend has been the biggest problem, ever since the beginning. But I live in NY and she lives in CALI. In the very very beginning of our relationship, his mother and himself got into a huge argument and she brought his ex UP (lets call her "Lisa") His mother does not like me, and there really is no reason for that because I am very respectful and polite, she is just one of those "mothers". So yeah she brought up Lisa saying "what is Lisa gonna think when she finds out Mary is here?!" (Mary is my fake name for the story) So i was pissed and me and him discussed the whole matter and talked and talked and his mom was just being a bI***. They broke up a couple months before, she lives in cali he lives in ny. they werent together. he even proved it to me by texting her. it was all resolved. Fine. but.... After that he told me they were just friends. Now just to tell you, they were together for about 3 years and he moved to California to live with her for 2 years and she came here to live with him for about 3 months. So them being friends kinda pissed me off, but i trust him and she lives in Cali you know? He told me he has no feelings for her what so ever and I trust him. But every time me and him hung out she would text him and it would piss me the hell off. She invited him on a cruise. WTF. but he said no. A month later we talked about it and resolved it, he obviously told her not to text him anymore bcuz after that she didnt text him. ok... but now... His mom is a bi*** and she is always bringing her up. Why? Idk, like here's an example. One time I got my period and I needed feminine products and I was at his house. So I asked him mom if she had any, and she said (in these exact words) "Check in the downstairs bathroom. His ex Lisa had them under the sink" Why would she say that? Just to piss me off of course. I talked to him about it, and he apologized and tried talkin to his mom, but she is just naturally bi***y. She stopped bringing her up, but she is still bi***. ok thats solved butttt.... I always find sh** laying around his room, like once i found a photo album of them . I got pissed he apologized put it away. Once I found a note. and so on and so on. You get the point. We discussed this. His room is pretty messy, so he doesnt do it on purpose but still , like you put that stuff away. You know? NoW... i AM NOT a jealous person but wouldnt you be pissed off if they still were friends after all of this drama? No matter how many miles away she is, it still bothers me. We got into arguements (as you can see) about it, and he told me he wont talk to her anymore/ but she face books him all the time. and i know facebook is something kiddish, but it bothers me. Why does she have to face book him? and we just had a talk about it. I told him how i felt, but he told me i shouldnt worry. I am not worrying. It just bothers me. It the fact that all of this drama happened and the fact that her facebook still has pictures of them together. Yeah she cant control her and what she does, but he can control what she does. I asked him to delete her, so this drama could end. But he isnt gonna delete. He isnt gona stop being friends with her. And whats his reason? HE FEELS BAD BECAUSE SHE IS LONELY IN CALIFORNIA. HE DOESNT WANNA JUST BE A "JERK". I dont know what to do. I've had so many convos with him about this and about how it bothers me. But he says hes not the type of guy who stops talking to someone because someone else said they have to . Are you serious? I dont know what to do. I love him, i dont want our relationship to end. WTF SHOULD I DO!? I'm not being paranoid. I trust him. It's the fact that she is still in love with him and he knows it. And the fact that I always find stuff from when they were together in his room. And some added note, he cheated on her and she knows, yet she still wants to be friends with him. It just doesnt make any sense. To me anyway
Singles & Dating - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
wow . you are really controlling ...
2 :
Plain and simple, if he doesnt stop talking to her leave him. if he really wants you, he'll do what it takes. He is still attached to her for some reason. Whatever the reason is is not your concern its his and he has to work that out...with you or without you. You have to allow hime to do that even if he doesnt know he needs the time.
3 :
Well you told him to stop talking to her right and how you felt? I guess you can always go are you still in love with her? And that I am sorry but I am leaving you because if you really cared about me and my feelings you would stop talking to her and you haven't so that says that you still love her and your not over her. Sorry :'( been there and it's a hurtful road but I luckily found the man who truly loves me and respects me a year later after a guy that is kinda like yours.
4 :
okay well wow! but seeing as he has been with that other girl for 3 years! i think that is pretty serious and i understand him when he says he does not want to stop being friends because im sure in a way he still cares for her. So i think first you should talk to HER (with ur bf knowing about it tho) about their whole "friend relationship" If you are certain he is in love with you then he won't mind but do not attack her or anyting to make her dislike you because then hes gonna be in a pickle. Then of course when thats resolved talk to his mother about how rude she is being. best of luck! if worse comes to worse, move on!! you don't need inlaw drama.
5 :
stop being so paranoid and chasing him off from ur life... instead of being pissed with him still in contact with the ex, u should instead improve on ur relationship with him.. come as u say she not even physically there to ruin ur relationship. come on they been together for few yrs sure he still have lingering feelings its only natural. U should instead be a better gf then her to make him stop thinking of her... U wanna pisse the gf off ask ur bf put pictures of u 2 together.. Seriously u getting way to involve about his ex... on his mom it takes time to get in her books and 1st is stop being paranoid
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Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
SHOULD I pay any rent at all?
SHOULD I pay any rent at all?
Short version: We never agreed on terms, and I never moved in. His demands were nuts, so I backed out. Do I owe anything at all? Long version: I thought I'd agreed to move in to a shared 5 bedroom house with 4 existing roommates, into a room that would be available once the master tenant moved out and into another room. I met with the last potential roommate and told the master tenant I wanted to move in, and we settled on giving him a week ('till the 9th of May) to move rooms and I expected to move in and pay rent from that date. Yesterday (Monday, May 3) I went over to drop off a check to seal the deal, and the master tenant demanded I pay from the first. He thought I'd said some things during our interview discussions to indicate that I'd pay from the first. I don't think even think the things he claims were said would have set that expectation: When I first saw the place Apr 26, he said that he wanted to get it filled ASAP - with someone who could take it from the 1st if possible. He asked when I could move, and I said I didn't have to give 30 days notice, and yes I could afford to pay double rent for the time it took to move my stuff. We didn't discuss a lease/occupancy time period other than him requiring (and me verbally agreeing in principle to, that is saying "I'd be ok with") a 1-2 month mutual no-bad-feelings trial period, and a stated monthly rent. Also, he mentioned wanting a tenant to move in ASAP, by the 1st if possible. Seems to me that if you expect someone to pay rent from before they move in, your expectation isn't reasonable if you have no rental agreement, no rent in hand, no clear oral agreement, and the delayed move is because the room is fully occupied and needs to be cleared out. I don't want to live with someone who is so unclear on the distinction between what he wants and what others agree to provide, and so adamantly asserts his needs as primary. (There were prior warning signs I knew about (e.g. loud arguing and violent behavior toward a lover, and an incident where he put his needs first, above those of the group) but talks with the roommates had for a time convinced me he wasn't excessively demanding of others and a good communicator.) Because this particular kind of personality conflict (over unreasonable expectations) is very bothersome to me, I don't want to move in anymore, as I feel it's likely to recur often, and told him that. He is repeatedly calling, chatting, and emailing (on and off Facebook), telling me not to f*** him, to not s***w him over, and not mess up his relationship with his landlord, and is insistent that pay him a month's rent because I agreed to move in. SHOULD I pay? If so, what? There's nothing material in writing - just him offering the place, the rent, and me texting that I wanted to move in. No consideration has changed hands, and I don't think there was a 'meeting of the minds' for an oral agreement either. I ask because he is so adamant that I pay that I'm questioning my own judgement. I'm also curious about any legal thoughts or opinion, but we have friends in common, so a legal answer that doesn't take ethics into consideration isn't what I'm looking for. Legally, everything is in my favor: no written agreement, no oral agreement, no consideration, and < $1000 in question. Venue: California. So legally, it's a no-brainer, IMO. I think there's a decent argument that I pay for three days rent - from when I said I would move in 'till I realized the terms were not agreeable - and that a perfect gentleman would offer to pay that - and that a perfect gentleman would refuse the payment. Should I pay that? What do you think I should do, and why? Debdeb: "The guy who is actually preventing you from moving in sooner thinks you should pay for 8 days of the month that he occupied your room. Is that right?" Yup. Just to be complete, I should mention that after a lengthy battle (several long phone calls) he did say that though I needed to pay the full rent now, he'd give me back $100 or so, or more if he was able to rent it out before the end of the month. And after I got so fed up I said I wasn't moving in, he did offer to accept just the rent from the 9th to the end of the month. <sarcasm>Generous, don't you think?</sarcasm> Anyway, thanks for the reality check. I really appreciate it.
Renting & Real Estate - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I think you'd be nuts if you did move in! You don't owe him anything. He's crazy out of control, and you don't need his drama. Do not pay him anything. To pay him anything at this point would be an admission that you agreed to move in under whatever conditions he's currently claiming exist. Change your phone number and whatever else you have to change so he can no longer pester you.
2 :
There's a lot of words there, but what I think I see is that you agreed to move into the room on May 9, expecting to pay partial rent in May starting that day. Nothing is signed. The guy who is actually preventing you from moving in sooner thinks you should pay for 8 days of the month that he occupied your room. Is that right? He wants to fill the room by May 1 if possible, but he won't be out of it until May 8. What am I missing here? How could anyone think you should pay for the time when he prevented you from occupying the room? I don't think you owe anything, and I'd stay away from this demanding bozo.
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Short version: We never agreed on terms, and I never moved in. His demands were nuts, so I backed out. Do I owe anything at all? Long version: I thought I'd agreed to move in to a shared 5 bedroom house with 4 existing roommates, into a room that would be available once the master tenant moved out and into another room. I met with the last potential roommate and told the master tenant I wanted to move in, and we settled on giving him a week ('till the 9th of May) to move rooms and I expected to move in and pay rent from that date. Yesterday (Monday, May 3) I went over to drop off a check to seal the deal, and the master tenant demanded I pay from the first. He thought I'd said some things during our interview discussions to indicate that I'd pay from the first. I don't think even think the things he claims were said would have set that expectation: When I first saw the place Apr 26, he said that he wanted to get it filled ASAP - with someone who could take it from the 1st if possible. He asked when I could move, and I said I didn't have to give 30 days notice, and yes I could afford to pay double rent for the time it took to move my stuff. We didn't discuss a lease/occupancy time period other than him requiring (and me verbally agreeing in principle to, that is saying "I'd be ok with") a 1-2 month mutual no-bad-feelings trial period, and a stated monthly rent. Also, he mentioned wanting a tenant to move in ASAP, by the 1st if possible. Seems to me that if you expect someone to pay rent from before they move in, your expectation isn't reasonable if you have no rental agreement, no rent in hand, no clear oral agreement, and the delayed move is because the room is fully occupied and needs to be cleared out. I don't want to live with someone who is so unclear on the distinction between what he wants and what others agree to provide, and so adamantly asserts his needs as primary. (There were prior warning signs I knew about (e.g. loud arguing and violent behavior toward a lover, and an incident where he put his needs first, above those of the group) but talks with the roommates had for a time convinced me he wasn't excessively demanding of others and a good communicator.) Because this particular kind of personality conflict (over unreasonable expectations) is very bothersome to me, I don't want to move in anymore, as I feel it's likely to recur often, and told him that. He is repeatedly calling, chatting, and emailing (on and off Facebook), telling me not to f*** him, to not s***w him over, and not mess up his relationship with his landlord, and is insistent that pay him a month's rent because I agreed to move in. SHOULD I pay? If so, what? There's nothing material in writing - just him offering the place, the rent, and me texting that I wanted to move in. No consideration has changed hands, and I don't think there was a 'meeting of the minds' for an oral agreement either. I ask because he is so adamant that I pay that I'm questioning my own judgement. I'm also curious about any legal thoughts or opinion, but we have friends in common, so a legal answer that doesn't take ethics into consideration isn't what I'm looking for. Legally, everything is in my favor: no written agreement, no oral agreement, no consideration, and < $1000 in question. Venue: California. So legally, it's a no-brainer, IMO. I think there's a decent argument that I pay for three days rent - from when I said I would move in 'till I realized the terms were not agreeable - and that a perfect gentleman would offer to pay that - and that a perfect gentleman would refuse the payment. Should I pay that? What do you think I should do, and why? Debdeb: "The guy who is actually preventing you from moving in sooner thinks you should pay for 8 days of the month that he occupied your room. Is that right?" Yup. Just to be complete, I should mention that after a lengthy battle (several long phone calls) he did say that though I needed to pay the full rent now, he'd give me back $100 or so, or more if he was able to rent it out before the end of the month. And after I got so fed up I said I wasn't moving in, he did offer to accept just the rent from the 9th to the end of the month. <sarcasm>Generous, don't you think?</sarcasm> Anyway, thanks for the reality check. I really appreciate it.
Renting & Real Estate - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I think you'd be nuts if you did move in! You don't owe him anything. He's crazy out of control, and you don't need his drama. Do not pay him anything. To pay him anything at this point would be an admission that you agreed to move in under whatever conditions he's currently claiming exist. Change your phone number and whatever else you have to change so he can no longer pester you.
2 :
There's a lot of words there, but what I think I see is that you agreed to move into the room on May 9, expecting to pay partial rent in May starting that day. Nothing is signed. The guy who is actually preventing you from moving in sooner thinks you should pay for 8 days of the month that he occupied your room. Is that right? He wants to fill the room by May 1 if possible, but he won't be out of it until May 8. What am I missing here? How could anyone think you should pay for the time when he prevented you from occupying the room? I don't think you owe anything, and I'd stay away from this demanding bozo.
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Thursday, October 7, 2010
need motivation and people's opinion?
need motivation and people's opinion?
okay,this may be long but I hope someone can help. So I'm a community college student and I am on this "crossroad" dilemma. I apply to transfer to a 4 year university in California after being at a community college for 3 years. I am already got in to 1 and I'm on my last 2 weeks waiting for 4 more admission decisions. As I wait for these decisions, I have been thinking about my life within the last 3 years after high school graduation. The last 3 years have been weird. What happen is that i live a sort of uncommon life in comparison to my friends to my friends and peers. I dedicate myself to my studies these days that I happen to become a loner. I rarely go out with friends anymore. And some of group of friends that I kind of wish I could spend more time have a flaw: they're friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I have low paying job since I want to get a car but the only problem is I only work once a week and finding a better paying job are away and definitely need a car. Almost all my peers have cars and they're enjoying the heck out of their lives. From my observation is that I feel that I'm missing out the fun in my early 20's. First of all, my closest friends don't go to college and they work. So I can't discuss school related stuff as often. Plus,they're into video games, which I'm not. Another draw back is that those who do go to school (community college or university) are not majoring in science so I feel the weird one. I love science because of the fact that while its difficult,I'm actually learning stuff. Not to criticize liberal art majors but the harder courses make you think "outside the box" like in calculus or chemistry (funny thing though is that I need some psychological help in my question;irony,lol!). Anyways, the biggest problem I have is when people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. Now, I have dated about once or twice but at those times, I just felt uncomfortable being with another person. I just didn't felt in the mood of a relationship; I didn't have feelings for that person. So it bugs me when some of my friends (guy or girl) ask me why I'm not in one. For me, I feel that I want to transfer out to a good school because I don't want to work in low paying job as I am right now;I really care about education and it saddens me that some just view it as a chore or something. But while my friends respect my decision, my ex-girlfriends ask me the same question. At this point, I am like "wth???why do you care?". What happen is that I use to try to get her back with me for 2 years after she broke up with me. So I decided that once she was in college,I will never ever talk to her again (in person). We have always been friends online since we broke up but we have added and deleted each other several times. The last time she deleted me, I decided I will not be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. She added me again in December but I vow not to chat her on facebook. She has always started the conversation the few times I spoke to her in Fb. But the last 2 times she kept mentioning "her man" and that she was serious about him and she was going to drop out of college for him (her current boyfriend is about to graduate next year and they plan to come back to California since she is at Iowa). And while I could care less now, yesterday she ask about "any lucky gals out there for me?" after she had mention her bf many times before. It feels she is rubbing it in my face because she knows I was in deep love for her 3 years ago. So in essence,I am asking what should I do about my life as I go on with my life.Should I work hard to get a car(I don't think I need a car since I plan to dorm when I transfer)?What should I do with my closest friends(should I try to be into video games because that's like the one thing they're super into)?what should I do with my ex-girlfriend(I wanted to delete her on Facebook but I want to show that I'm stronger than her and that I have move on. Seriously, I feel like I'm competing against her. I don't care about relationships right now because I have not gotten that feeling to be someone yet.EEERRR,but I want to show that the day she left me was her biggest mistake(btw,the break up was on 2008)). I can wait to transfer out so I can finally meet some people with the same interest like me and possibly find a good girl that cares about me.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It's a long read. First, don't look back. Stop thinking about the past three years. Instead focus on the next three years. About your friends: If your friends have different interests than yours, then try to look for new friends that shares the same interest as you are. Remember, birds of a same feather flocks together, so it's understandable that you will not be compelled to stick with your old friends. About your ex-girlfriend: Move on. Meet someone else. The easiest way to get him out of your mind is to meet someone else. About motivation: Set a goal. If you think you need to get a car to get yourself motivated, then do it. Don't let yourself get distracted by things. I recommend reading the link below to get you more motivated.
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okay,this may be long but I hope someone can help. So I'm a community college student and I am on this "crossroad" dilemma. I apply to transfer to a 4 year university in California after being at a community college for 3 years. I am already got in to 1 and I'm on my last 2 weeks waiting for 4 more admission decisions. As I wait for these decisions, I have been thinking about my life within the last 3 years after high school graduation. The last 3 years have been weird. What happen is that i live a sort of uncommon life in comparison to my friends to my friends and peers. I dedicate myself to my studies these days that I happen to become a loner. I rarely go out with friends anymore. And some of group of friends that I kind of wish I could spend more time have a flaw: they're friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I have low paying job since I want to get a car but the only problem is I only work once a week and finding a better paying job are away and definitely need a car. Almost all my peers have cars and they're enjoying the heck out of their lives. From my observation is that I feel that I'm missing out the fun in my early 20's. First of all, my closest friends don't go to college and they work. So I can't discuss school related stuff as often. Plus,they're into video games, which I'm not. Another draw back is that those who do go to school (community college or university) are not majoring in science so I feel the weird one. I love science because of the fact that while its difficult,I'm actually learning stuff. Not to criticize liberal art majors but the harder courses make you think "outside the box" like in calculus or chemistry (funny thing though is that I need some psychological help in my question;irony,lol!). Anyways, the biggest problem I have is when people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. Now, I have dated about once or twice but at those times, I just felt uncomfortable being with another person. I just didn't felt in the mood of a relationship; I didn't have feelings for that person. So it bugs me when some of my friends (guy or girl) ask me why I'm not in one. For me, I feel that I want to transfer out to a good school because I don't want to work in low paying job as I am right now;I really care about education and it saddens me that some just view it as a chore or something. But while my friends respect my decision, my ex-girlfriends ask me the same question. At this point, I am like "wth???why do you care?". What happen is that I use to try to get her back with me for 2 years after she broke up with me. So I decided that once she was in college,I will never ever talk to her again (in person). We have always been friends online since we broke up but we have added and deleted each other several times. The last time she deleted me, I decided I will not be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. She added me again in December but I vow not to chat her on facebook. She has always started the conversation the few times I spoke to her in Fb. But the last 2 times she kept mentioning "her man" and that she was serious about him and she was going to drop out of college for him (her current boyfriend is about to graduate next year and they plan to come back to California since she is at Iowa). And while I could care less now, yesterday she ask about "any lucky gals out there for me?" after she had mention her bf many times before. It feels she is rubbing it in my face because she knows I was in deep love for her 3 years ago. So in essence,I am asking what should I do about my life as I go on with my life.Should I work hard to get a car(I don't think I need a car since I plan to dorm when I transfer)?What should I do with my closest friends(should I try to be into video games because that's like the one thing they're super into)?what should I do with my ex-girlfriend(I wanted to delete her on Facebook but I want to show that I'm stronger than her and that I have move on. Seriously, I feel like I'm competing against her. I don't care about relationships right now because I have not gotten that feeling to be someone yet.EEERRR,but I want to show that the day she left me was her biggest mistake(btw,the break up was on 2008)). I can wait to transfer out so I can finally meet some people with the same interest like me and possibly find a good girl that cares about me.
Singles & Dating - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
It's a long read. First, don't look back. Stop thinking about the past three years. Instead focus on the next three years. About your friends: If your friends have different interests than yours, then try to look for new friends that shares the same interest as you are. Remember, birds of a same feather flocks together, so it's understandable that you will not be compelled to stick with your old friends. About your ex-girlfriend: Move on. Meet someone else. The easiest way to get him out of your mind is to meet someone else. About motivation: Set a goal. If you think you need to get a car to get yourself motivated, then do it. Don't let yourself get distracted by things. I recommend reading the link below to get you more motivated.
Read more other entries :
Friday, October 1, 2010
(Long details) Is my wife over-reacting to me removing her on Facebook or did she get what she deserves?
(Long details) Is my wife over-reacting to me removing her on Facebook or did she get what she deserves?
My wife is a total pedant. She doesn't want me commenting on ANYTHING she posts and she doesn't want me posting on her wall. I told her that if she doesn't want me posting anything in her "personal space" then she should put privacy filters up so I can't see it. She refuses to and she just expects me to "behave myself". I'll violate her "rules of Facebook" by posting a remark on her stuff that's meant to be funny. She can't see the sense of humor in it and she calls it "passive-aggressive" because she sees it as "inappropriate" yet the teasing I do is the same teasing everyone else does online in our circle of friends. Yesterday, my wife posted a status shuffle about needing more coffee. It was meant as a joke to everyone reading it. I posted a comment "Typical Morning" as a way to poke fun that she always feels this way. Since she can't laugh at her flaws due to some incredibly low self esteem (that she's doing nothing for but whining) she raged. So I deleted the comment. Then I went to her wall and posted on her wall "OMG! I just posted something on your wall! lololololololololol". Then I commented on it saying "OMG! I just commented on the post that I put on your wall lolololololololololol" and then after I knew she saw it I deleted it when she told me it wasn't funny and got extremely angry. Finally I said "what's the point of having you on my friends list if I can't enjoy your company?" and I blocked her. I did NOT like the solution I made for this argument but if she was unwilling to put filters up and if she's unwilling to go to marriage counseling for HER issues (I'm in therapy so I'm working out mine already) then I think I made the only solution available. Personally I feel the entire thing is immature and just more ways she's trying to control me (this isn't the only thing she does to prove she's more important than me). Since I've blocked her, she's accusing me of not seeing her point of view. I see her point of view just fine, she's fragile because of her low self esteem and because she's fragile she expects me to follow these pedantic rules to give her a good public image on her Facebook wall so her friends can like her more and it will boost her image. But this is a childish way of looking at things, she shouldn't have artificial self esteem by bolstering it with Facebook and FAKE friends so I stood my ground because this is about the way SHE treats ME on the social network and rather than have retarded problems that didn't exist until Facebook and MySpace came around, I'd rather just end communications this way so she can have her Facebook and I can have mine. If you watched the Social Network movie, my wife's behavior is very similar to the Asian girl that Eduardo was dating while Mark was in California... After she got off work, she gave me a 4 hour silent treatment (more psychological aggression). I asked her if she wanted to talk this through and she asked "did you unblock me from Facebook" and I told her "No, that's what we need to talk about" and she said "Well, then I have nothing to discuss right now since I'm not married any more"... I knew what she was doing is using this as a guilt trip (more psychological aggression) so that she could win this argument without having to tell me she was sorry for being oversensitive and for controlling me... Finally she's headed to bed 1 hour earlier than usual just so she can avoid our inevitable discussion; but before she closes and LOCKS the door (isolation, another psychological aggression) she said "Oh, I guess you can sleep on the couch because I only sleep in my bed with my husband. And according to Facebook I'm single". So she's using the relationship as a weapon against me aggressively. Sure, she may not be raising her voice, sure she may not be hitting me, and I understand the cops wouldn't see this as spouse abuse because "this is what women do"; but this doesn't mean that manipulation is EVER okay. What she is trying to do is manipulate me and guilt me for something that I feel I have 100% valid reason to act the way that I did. This all would have never happened if she didn't take this VIRTUAL REALITY seriously. If she took my marriage with her as serious as she takes Facebook and what her friends think, then I bet she and I would live happily ever after. I've closed my Facebook account several times during arguments like this proving I don't need it to be happy; but then I lost all my friends and had to start all over when I realized she didn't want resolution in the marriage..... My wife DOES NOT want a divorce, but I don't know a man that would put up with have the crap that I do... What's your thoughts on the matter? I have my friends, she has hers. Both of our friends don't use emails any more or their phones, they do ALL of their event planning and ALL of their communication on Facebook so getting rid of our Facebook would eliminate our social life with others (which in my opinion is just fine because the only person who matters is my wife but she can't seem to reciprocate that feeling). As far as me posting things on her wall, I have done loving stuff too and she'll ask me to take it down. I'd put "I love you" on her wall and she would reciprocate it or even "like" it. The marriage isn't that much different off Facebook either, I will do something nice for her, like rub her back or pop the zits on her face or back, and she will NEVER reciprocate the gesture. If all I had to do was NOT communicate with her, then why does she need to be my Facebook friend? Seems like dead weight and like she's only using her access to my wall as a snooping service to see if I'm keeping secrets or not. Well she h Correction to a typo she WOULDN'T reciprocate an "I love you" on her wall. To Booban - The reply could have been "I love you" instead of "Typical Morning" and she would have seen it as an insult. The fact I clicked the "comment" button set her off. She almost 100% denies my existence to keep a positive (fake) front with her friends. By the way, up until 2010 I've been known for being a pessimist. But since I've been to therapy in 2010 (mid 2010 at that) I've been 100% optimistic. She's the one that's construing it and bending it the wrong way. Typical morning was supposed to be a joke implying that her needing a second cup of coffee is very usual for her.
Marriage & Divorce - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
maybe conduct your married life AWAY from facebook might be a good start
2 :
Who cares what SHE wants...do YOU want a divorce? I'm pretty sure I'd be seeing a lawyer. My partner knows how to have fun, or I wouldn't be married to him. Sounds like your wife can't even spell "fun", so she'd be history.
3 :
I went threw the same crap, you know what I did? I told her that since I can't post anything on your wall (hmmm maybe she's hiding something) then whats the sense on having a fb account? I went on and sent all of my friends my email address and deactivated my account. I don't care what she does and she can no longer watch what I do. good luck, seems like we both have control freaks to deal with.
4 :
Raven could not have said it more perfectly. I truly believe that sites such as facebook and friends reunited etc only bring trouble. Neither my husband or I bother with them as we are happy in the real world.
5 :
1. Your wife, the one you are suppose to cherish, doesn't appreciate your jokes. 2. She has politely asked you not to post your 'jokes'. You have refused. You think it's funny. You poke fun of something that hurts her feelings. She has opened herself up to you to let you know what hurts her the most yet you continue to use it against her. 3. You are being immature for refusing to grow up and stop posting your 'jokes'. Your wife is embarrassed by your immaturity on facebook for the world to see. She loves you, wants to be married to you, she just doesn't want to be embarrassed by you. 4. If you would shut the F up on facebook - a very simple thing to do, you could live happily ever after
6 :
Your wife is childish and so is the fact that you guys are fighting over this. I just don't understand what the problem is in posting on her wall. So what does she want? she just want's to be friends with you, but have nothing to do with you??? she is immature. Let her relise she is wrong.
7 :
Facebook is a home wreck.I suggest u too stay away from facebook It is a step 2wards avoiding the pending doom of your marriage.
8 :
Here's a solution to the facebook problem - both of you cancel your profiles. It's stupid anyway. Just because you block her doesn't mean that the facebook issue will be resolved. It will just turn into her complaining that she can't see your profile, accusing that you must be flirting with some woman on there, blah blah blah. Do yourselves a favor and can the stupid online game and get into couples/marriage counseling.
9 :
Ok, I'm not going to read the whole thing. I stopped where you childishly blocked her. How old are both of you? Sounds like you're in high school to me. Jeeezus, it's facebook. Get a grip and grow up.
10 :
What did you mean by "Typical morning"?. It seems that she is grumpy without coffee and in a bad moon in the morning and argue? Maybe you are negative to her very often and she now is very sensitive to your attitude towards her because there is constant friction between the two of you. If you are negative all the time and never positive, the next little thing can set anybody off. You display possible issues in your relationship to you openly and purposely embarrass her. Remember, she is your wife, not your regular net buddies who think its funny to tease each other. Maybe her anxiety for the state of her relationship to you is founded on something real. Maybe if you solve these deeper issues, she will more immune to a little ribbing. You psycho analyze her, but not your own actions? Instead of 'typical morning' maybe you should have written "I'll get your some coffee honey'.
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My wife is a total pedant. She doesn't want me commenting on ANYTHING she posts and she doesn't want me posting on her wall. I told her that if she doesn't want me posting anything in her "personal space" then she should put privacy filters up so I can't see it. She refuses to and she just expects me to "behave myself". I'll violate her "rules of Facebook" by posting a remark on her stuff that's meant to be funny. She can't see the sense of humor in it and she calls it "passive-aggressive" because she sees it as "inappropriate" yet the teasing I do is the same teasing everyone else does online in our circle of friends. Yesterday, my wife posted a status shuffle about needing more coffee. It was meant as a joke to everyone reading it. I posted a comment "Typical Morning" as a way to poke fun that she always feels this way. Since she can't laugh at her flaws due to some incredibly low self esteem (that she's doing nothing for but whining) she raged. So I deleted the comment. Then I went to her wall and posted on her wall "OMG! I just posted something on your wall! lololololololololol". Then I commented on it saying "OMG! I just commented on the post that I put on your wall lolololololololololol" and then after I knew she saw it I deleted it when she told me it wasn't funny and got extremely angry. Finally I said "what's the point of having you on my friends list if I can't enjoy your company?" and I blocked her. I did NOT like the solution I made for this argument but if she was unwilling to put filters up and if she's unwilling to go to marriage counseling for HER issues (I'm in therapy so I'm working out mine already) then I think I made the only solution available. Personally I feel the entire thing is immature and just more ways she's trying to control me (this isn't the only thing she does to prove she's more important than me). Since I've blocked her, she's accusing me of not seeing her point of view. I see her point of view just fine, she's fragile because of her low self esteem and because she's fragile she expects me to follow these pedantic rules to give her a good public image on her Facebook wall so her friends can like her more and it will boost her image. But this is a childish way of looking at things, she shouldn't have artificial self esteem by bolstering it with Facebook and FAKE friends so I stood my ground because this is about the way SHE treats ME on the social network and rather than have retarded problems that didn't exist until Facebook and MySpace came around, I'd rather just end communications this way so she can have her Facebook and I can have mine. If you watched the Social Network movie, my wife's behavior is very similar to the Asian girl that Eduardo was dating while Mark was in California... After she got off work, she gave me a 4 hour silent treatment (more psychological aggression). I asked her if she wanted to talk this through and she asked "did you unblock me from Facebook" and I told her "No, that's what we need to talk about" and she said "Well, then I have nothing to discuss right now since I'm not married any more"... I knew what she was doing is using this as a guilt trip (more psychological aggression) so that she could win this argument without having to tell me she was sorry for being oversensitive and for controlling me... Finally she's headed to bed 1 hour earlier than usual just so she can avoid our inevitable discussion; but before she closes and LOCKS the door (isolation, another psychological aggression) she said "Oh, I guess you can sleep on the couch because I only sleep in my bed with my husband. And according to Facebook I'm single". So she's using the relationship as a weapon against me aggressively. Sure, she may not be raising her voice, sure she may not be hitting me, and I understand the cops wouldn't see this as spouse abuse because "this is what women do"; but this doesn't mean that manipulation is EVER okay. What she is trying to do is manipulate me and guilt me for something that I feel I have 100% valid reason to act the way that I did. This all would have never happened if she didn't take this VIRTUAL REALITY seriously. If she took my marriage with her as serious as she takes Facebook and what her friends think, then I bet she and I would live happily ever after. I've closed my Facebook account several times during arguments like this proving I don't need it to be happy; but then I lost all my friends and had to start all over when I realized she didn't want resolution in the marriage..... My wife DOES NOT want a divorce, but I don't know a man that would put up with have the crap that I do... What's your thoughts on the matter? I have my friends, she has hers. Both of our friends don't use emails any more or their phones, they do ALL of their event planning and ALL of their communication on Facebook so getting rid of our Facebook would eliminate our social life with others (which in my opinion is just fine because the only person who matters is my wife but she can't seem to reciprocate that feeling). As far as me posting things on her wall, I have done loving stuff too and she'll ask me to take it down. I'd put "I love you" on her wall and she would reciprocate it or even "like" it. The marriage isn't that much different off Facebook either, I will do something nice for her, like rub her back or pop the zits on her face or back, and she will NEVER reciprocate the gesture. If all I had to do was NOT communicate with her, then why does she need to be my Facebook friend? Seems like dead weight and like she's only using her access to my wall as a snooping service to see if I'm keeping secrets or not. Well she h Correction to a typo she WOULDN'T reciprocate an "I love you" on her wall. To Booban - The reply could have been "I love you" instead of "Typical Morning" and she would have seen it as an insult. The fact I clicked the "comment" button set her off. She almost 100% denies my existence to keep a positive (fake) front with her friends. By the way, up until 2010 I've been known for being a pessimist. But since I've been to therapy in 2010 (mid 2010 at that) I've been 100% optimistic. She's the one that's construing it and bending it the wrong way. Typical morning was supposed to be a joke implying that her needing a second cup of coffee is very usual for her.
Marriage & Divorce - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
maybe conduct your married life AWAY from facebook might be a good start
2 :
Who cares what SHE wants...do YOU want a divorce? I'm pretty sure I'd be seeing a lawyer. My partner knows how to have fun, or I wouldn't be married to him. Sounds like your wife can't even spell "fun", so she'd be history.
3 :
I went threw the same crap, you know what I did? I told her that since I can't post anything on your wall (hmmm maybe she's hiding something) then whats the sense on having a fb account? I went on and sent all of my friends my email address and deactivated my account. I don't care what she does and she can no longer watch what I do. good luck, seems like we both have control freaks to deal with.
4 :
Raven could not have said it more perfectly. I truly believe that sites such as facebook and friends reunited etc only bring trouble. Neither my husband or I bother with them as we are happy in the real world.
5 :
1. Your wife, the one you are suppose to cherish, doesn't appreciate your jokes. 2. She has politely asked you not to post your 'jokes'. You have refused. You think it's funny. You poke fun of something that hurts her feelings. She has opened herself up to you to let you know what hurts her the most yet you continue to use it against her. 3. You are being immature for refusing to grow up and stop posting your 'jokes'. Your wife is embarrassed by your immaturity on facebook for the world to see. She loves you, wants to be married to you, she just doesn't want to be embarrassed by you. 4. If you would shut the F up on facebook - a very simple thing to do, you could live happily ever after
6 :
Your wife is childish and so is the fact that you guys are fighting over this. I just don't understand what the problem is in posting on her wall. So what does she want? she just want's to be friends with you, but have nothing to do with you??? she is immature. Let her relise she is wrong.
7 :
Facebook is a home wreck.I suggest u too stay away from facebook It is a step 2wards avoiding the pending doom of your marriage.
8 :
Here's a solution to the facebook problem - both of you cancel your profiles. It's stupid anyway. Just because you block her doesn't mean that the facebook issue will be resolved. It will just turn into her complaining that she can't see your profile, accusing that you must be flirting with some woman on there, blah blah blah. Do yourselves a favor and can the stupid online game and get into couples/marriage counseling.
9 :
Ok, I'm not going to read the whole thing. I stopped where you childishly blocked her. How old are both of you? Sounds like you're in high school to me. Jeeezus, it's facebook. Get a grip and grow up.
10 :
What did you mean by "Typical morning"?. It seems that she is grumpy without coffee and in a bad moon in the morning and argue? Maybe you are negative to her very often and she now is very sensitive to your attitude towards her because there is constant friction between the two of you. If you are negative all the time and never positive, the next little thing can set anybody off. You display possible issues in your relationship to you openly and purposely embarrass her. Remember, she is your wife, not your regular net buddies who think its funny to tease each other. Maybe her anxiety for the state of her relationship to you is founded on something real. Maybe if you solve these deeper issues, she will more immune to a little ribbing. You psycho analyze her, but not your own actions? Instead of 'typical morning' maybe you should have written "I'll get your some coffee honey'.
Read more other entries :
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